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When do you pick your wedding party??

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13 replies to this topic

#1 Train13

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  • 33 posts

    Posted 13 April 2010 - 09:03 PM

    So....I'm not exactly sure how this works.

    Originally, I was thinking, wait till I see who can come to the wedding and then we can pick our wedding party out of those people as the wedding gets closer. I didn't want to ask people before and then make them feel pressured into spending $1000+ to fly halfway across the world and watch me get married.

    However, I was just talking to one of my close friends and now she has me thinking otherwise. She brought up the fact that if we ask ppl to stand up in our wedding after invitations go out and people start responding that they might feel like they were a 2nd choice and someone else pulled out.

    So, do you ask the wedding party ahead of time and hope they can come, or do you wait till they respond and then if they say yes you can ask them?

    #2 vdaybride

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      Posted 13 April 2010 - 09:15 PM

      IMO, I would ask the people that have the most meaning and hope that they can make the wedding. I would feel funny about being asked AFTER I sent in my RSVP. That's just me and I am sure everyone has different opinions. Go with what YOU feel comfortable with. Good luck!
      Married 2-14-2010 Dreams, Los Cabos


      #3 LA923

      • Jr. Member
      • 200 posts

        Posted 13 April 2010 - 09:28 PM

        I'm going through the same dilemma. I don't want to pressure my friends to go to my wedding, but I also want to ask my closest friends because I'm so excited to have them with me. I think the other thing holding me back is whether I can have two MOHs. I have one friend who has been my bf since we were in middle school. The other person is someone I went to grad school with, lived with, and now we work together. I love them both and so I don't want to offend either of them. Plus, I think that they are both so busy with their own stuff that it would make sense for them to split the MOH duties (not that I would really give them anything -- I'm def not the bridezilla type). Anyone else have two MOHs?

        #4 Sax Lady

        Sax Lady
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        • 265 posts

          Posted 13 April 2010 - 09:35 PM

          Train13, I think you should ask before. this gives them time to prepare for all the duties of being in a wedding party. Dont worry to much about them feeling pressured I'm sure if they are good friends hopefully they will let you know. And the flip side just because you wait doesnt mean that it will be better. THeir are plent of ladies on here that have had problems with wedding parities. SO I so do what you feel is right for you.

          @LA923 I think having two MOH's is fine I've been to weddings that had two and that was fine. If one is married you could always have a matron and a maid but if not to maids are fine.

          Good luck to both on your decesions.

          #5 LynnieS

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          • 319 posts

            Posted 13 April 2010 - 09:43 PM

            So, i actually did it the way that vdaybride just said. I asked my best friend first and three of my very close friends, only one of which could not go before they booked. I didn't ask the last one until after she booked because I really thought she could not go, and I think she was a bit confused why I waited until I told her. I wish I would have asked her sooner. I think everyone understands no matter what you do. I think it is important to let your girls know that you understand as well, if they are not able to go.
            yay. . . we're gradu-umtaded!!!

            #6 JENISE

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              Posted 13 April 2010 - 09:48 PM

              I think that most girls KNOW who they've always pictured right beside them on their wedding day. These are supposed to be family or really important friends in your life and for this reason, I think they will definetly make the trip to watch you get married.
              I don't think you should wait for people to RSVP. That's just me though. I feel like it takes away from the excitement and special moment of asking someone to be in your wedding party. I wish you the best of luck in deciding. Let us know how you make out.

              #7 mnh1983

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              • 743 posts

                Posted 13 April 2010 - 10:36 PM

                Go ahead and ask your friends. If you wait, they may think you didn't want them there originally.

                #8 MDLady

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                  Posted 14 April 2010 - 01:08 PM

                  I've thought about it as well. With my MOH (my sister) and 1 BM, I was sure that they were coming, they told me right away. The other 2 girls who I wanted to be my BMs loved the idea but didn't say that they were coming for sure (it was still months ahead).

                  So I just asked them in person if they would do me the honor of being my BM. Both of them teared up and right away said yes. I was worried about making them feel pressured but honestly, I know that they are super happy to do this for me. So just go ahead and ask. If you sense any hesitation or they say that they don't know, then you might have to think of a backup plan. But I would ask sooner rather than later to allow for BM dresses/alterations and perhaps saving some cash.

                  #9 Karen&Rene

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                  • 190 posts

                    Posted 14 April 2010 - 02:29 PM

                    I was a bridesmaid in a DW, and she asked me well before the invitations went out. However, I did tell her right after she made the decision to have a DW that I would be coming. I don't think it would hurt to casually ask your potential bridesmaids if they would be able to attend. Some may know for sure that they're going to find a way to make it, and others may know immediately that they're not going to be able to afford it. But I also agree that you should probably just ask the people closest to you... even if they can't make it to the wedding itself, maybe they would still want to take on the role of bridesmaid in helping to plan all of the events that take place at home (e.g. bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.) and at least they would know that you thought of them!

                    #10 Martini

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                      Posted 14 April 2010 - 07:43 PM

                      I now have a 'feel' of who is coming. I didn't want to pressure anyone either, so I waited a bit, but I still asked my close friend to be my maid of honour before she RSVP'd. Although I don't think she would have been offended if I would have waited.

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