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No engagement ring syndrome


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#21 JennandMike08

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    Posted 17 April 2010 - 11:16 AM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by carolina24
    AMEN!!! this is what i was thinking the whole time while reading this thread!

    yes you love him, yes he loves you, yes THAT is the most important thing BUT....you deserve a ring and a proposal...for you, not for anyone else. don't feel bad that he's being pressured, he should be!
    I get that I deserve it, but financial straits have prevented him from being able to give me that ring. I feel like if he can't do it right now, the ring can wait. Its a symbol, yes of love, but I also don't want him to go out and get just any old ring because its the one he can afford. I'd much rather wait out for the one I and he both know I WOULD want.

    #22 MsZ

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      Posted 17 April 2010 - 11:33 AM

      Don't worry- I'm another one in the same situation.. planning but with no bling! Glad to see that we're all the same planning type people.. anxiously, patiently, and lovingly waiting! It will happen!!! Congrats on all your planning!

      #23 *HOLLY*

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        Posted 17 April 2010 - 12:21 PM

        A ring does not always symbolize an engagement. I have known ladies who have rec. necklaces, cars, and ever purchased a home in your case. If a ring is what you want let him know. I would not stay on his case to get one because when guys get pressured they pull away. Let it be and it will come up

        #24 CanadianLindsey

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          Posted 17 April 2010 - 01:16 PM

          I know everyone is different and has different priorities, but if a true engagement and/or ring is what you want then you have to tell him that. He may think that asking you without a ring or grand gesture is an engagement, for some people it is.

          My FI and I have been together since high school and lived together for 4 years so we've known for a long time we would get married. I always told him when the subject of marriage came up that my only requirement about an engagement was that it be a surprise, no fireworks or extraordinary plans needed. Well after ruining his first plan(it's hard for boys to be sneaky when you share a bank account!) and causing a huge fight, he finally proposed 2 years later. It was the best feeling to just be utterly shocked, although when I called family and friends none of them were!

          Tell him how you feel, what you want, lay it all out on the table and then try and let it go(I know from experience, it is really hard to do) And planning a wedding without being engaged...I feel like you girls are robbing yourself of some of the best parts of being engaged. If this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with then you need to be honest and open with him. He may be not be ready for marriage or he may just be oblivious. This is what I would tell my sister or a friend if she were in the same position, so I hope no one is offended by my honesty.

          #25 mlabbe

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            Posted 17 April 2010 - 02:18 PM

            I agree with Lindsay - tell him how you feel! If he can't afford the ring, he can certainly afford to propose. As long as you are actually engaged, the ring can follow after... or he could always get a silly ring and get a better one later!

            #26 Jennybell1

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              Posted 17 April 2010 - 07:04 PM

              You are not alone....I joined in August 2009 - we were planning on getting married in Jan 2011 but it just wasnt enough time to save for it all. Now we are planning for Jan 2012 and I dont have a ring either yet. We also bought a house in Dec 2009 and I have a child from a previous marriage so it makes things go a little slower I think. I already have my OOT bags finished along with my Hangover kits and no proposal. I have my wedding dress even! LMAO! HOwever I do know that I will have my ring somewhere between now and the beginning of October. Its only a matter of time for me but it has been an agonizing wait. Every little holiday goes by and you wonder and wait and then a little peice of you feels let down when it doesnt happen - but you cant let it get to you. I have let it all go and I continue to plan but slowly so that I dont ruin too much of it for myslef. This guy is different from the first guy and Ir eally want to marry him, whereas my ex- ummm nope....I thought I was going to be sick in the limo and we arent talking cold feet here - this was cold body - making a bd decision ....so I understand how it feels when you want something so badly and the days keep jugging on by.....
              Don't worry there are so many of us on here and your time will come...be patient.....
              THinking of you and all the other ringless ladies on here too!!!!

              #27 krizstyling

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                Posted 19 April 2010 - 06:03 AM

                OH MY!!!!! Am I excited (albeit reluctantly because I too understand the dilemma) to read this post!

                I have been with my "fiancee" for awhile. I never wanted to get married...I mean we've been together FOREVER. He was always ready to get married, I never was. Wasn't sure I wanted to. It took a lot of "growing up" and realizing it wouldn't be sacrificing my career to get married. Recently (probably a year ago) he asked me if I was ready yet? I realized, I truly was.

                Since then I have been waiting. He tells me he is going to propose at the perfect time and I need not worry about it because it is going to be a surprise and he knows I ALWAYS find everything out...and he truly wants it to be a surprise! UGH!

                Long story short, we are going to Mexico (we go every year to Puerto Vallarta) for vacation at the end of May. Of course I have hinted, showing him rings etc (I loveeee black diamond engagement rings) that I wanted to get proposed to on vacation and not in some lame restaurant. I mean, I love this man with all of my heart so truly he could propose to me while we are watching Desperate Housewives (as he only watches because I like the company and he knows it) and I would say yes!

                I just don't think he gets it! A wedding takes time to plan! ESP a destination wedding. We both agree 2012 would be perfect, but DANGIT!! Can he just propose already? And what if he doesn't propose on vacation? I am probably getting my hopes up because Lord knows he knows I'll expect it then and he wants it to be totally out of the blue but hell, I even expect when I'm in the shower. I am constantly waiting. Sometimes I hate to be this way, always wanting to know a surprise before it happens.

                Anyway...I just wanted to say...I AM SO GLADDDDDDDDDDD soooooo glad to see I am not alone!

                #28 krizstyling

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                  Posted 19 April 2010 - 06:06 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Jennybell1
                  You are not alone....I joined in August 2009 - we were planning on getting married in Jan 2011 but it just wasnt enough time to save for it all. Now we are planning for Jan 2012 and I dont have a ring either yet. We also bought a house in Dec 2009 and I have a child from a previous marriage so it makes things go a little slower I think. I already have my OOT bags finished along with my Hangover kits and no proposal. I have my wedding dress even! LMAO! HOwever I do know that I will have my ring somewhere between now and the beginning of October. Its only a matter of time for me but it has been an agonizing wait. Every little holiday goes by and you wonder and wait and then a little peice of you feels let down when it doesnt happen - but you cant let it get to you. I have let it all go and I continue to plan but slowly so that I dont ruin too much of it for myslef. This guy is different from the first guy and Ir eally want to marry him, whereas my ex- ummm nope....I thought I was going to be sick in the limo and we arent talking cold feet here - this was cold body - making a bd decision ....so I understand how it feels when you want something so badly and the days keep jugging on by.....
                  Don't worry there are so many of us on here and your time will come...be patient.....
                  THinking of you and all the other ringless ladies on here too!!!!
                  I love your post =) The fact that you have your OOT bags together makes me feel a ton better =) I thought I was going a bit far ahead by just emailing Playa Fiesta for rates and dates available in '12 but seeing that I am not alone in the planning stages (because lets face it, men just DON'T get it) makes me feel a TON better.

                  Wishing Happiness and a proposal SOON to you =)

                  #29 Jennybell1

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                    Posted 19 April 2010 - 09:19 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by krizstyling
                    I love your post =) The fact that you have your OOT bags together makes me feel a ton better =) I thought I was going a bit far ahead by just emailing Playa Fiesta for rates and dates available in '12 but seeing that I am not alone in the planning stages (because lets face it, men just DON'T get it) makes me feel a TON better.

                    Wishing Happiness and a proposal SOON to you =)
                    Thanks for your post and Im glad you feel better. It makes me feel like Im not alone either with all of the post from the other ladies in similar positions Its hard for all of us to wait bc we want this so badly, but it will happen and usually when we least expect it. Men definitely do not get it, but in truth we dont totally get them either. We obssess over it and they think its no big deal. Like Riley has told me, I want this ring to confirm his commitment to me, but he asks, "Do you see what I do around here? Dont you see? If I wasnt committed to you, I wouldnt have bought this house with you, and I wouldnt do all these things for you. I am committed and want you to be happy." So they see things as what they "do" for us, where we see it is more of a gesture I guess. I just think about all the things he does for me and our house, and I know that it will happen soon enough.
                    Its very hard to be patient when that is all you can think about sometimes...but I just lay low, bc if you push - they will just push away and make you wait even longer. They want to do it on their terms, not ours.

                    So I deal with it by quietly moving along with wedding plans....DIY projects only as he doesnt feel like he needs to give his input on that....it keeps me content and ecvited somewhat. This way I dont feel the crunch of timelines yet, bc its not really true yet. Im just coasting right now....and enjoying the time I have to research and plan and learn what to do and not do from other brides on here.

                    Its very frustrating at times when I see all the "noobs" coming on here newly engaged and Im still waiting, but IM happy for them and know that when my time comes, someone one here will be happy for me too.....lol

                    If all else fails.....Having a drink every now and again doenst hurt either...just stay away from the DIY projects,......lol

                    Glad to see you ladies on here.....we can get through this together and celebrate together as one by one our time comes!!!

                    #30 jennypenny23

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                      Posted 20 April 2010 - 12:30 AM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by YIweddings
                      He shows me he loves me everyday, so I'm a lucky girl.
                      Thats what matters!!! Hey, we share the same wedding date!!!




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