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Long lost cousin invites me to her wedding?

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#1 LadyTrunck

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    Posted 05 February 2010 - 05:55 PM

    As usual, I need some advice! I have a cousin that is my Grandfathers, nephews, daughter. When we were kids, we saw each other only once a year, if that, at family reunions. Once we got into our early 20’s, we saw each other maybe twice out at clubs. Never kept in touch from that.

    In comes Facebook. She finds me, asks how I am--- you know the drill. We both find out that we’re getting married in 2010, me in July, her in October. We’ve only exchanged a couple of emails, and she lives in Florida now, and I in CA.

    I got an email from her asking for my address… dun dun dun…. Is she going to invite me to her wedding And if she does, do I have to invite her to mine?? Don’t get me wrong, I would love to, but I have no more save the date materials, and ours contained shotglasses, tequila and a card. We’re not doing invites…. Also, her wedding is going to be a big extravagant (black tie) event back in our hometown, with 300+ people. Only about 35-40 are making it to Mexico, only 2 of them are my family…. I feel bad for thinking like this, but it would be weird if I invited her and she actually came. We obviously aren’t close. AND another cousin of mine, who is very close with her, also found me on facebook after her. Do I have to invite her too? When does it stop? I know I’m probably being overdramatic here, but I need advice on what, if anything, I should say to her.

    Thanks Ladies!
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    #2 ~Nicole~

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      Posted 05 February 2010 - 06:08 PM

      I personally wouldn't go to hers and there's no way in hell I would invite her to mine lol. If she does invite you, I would send her a card and a small amount of cash if you're feeling guilty, but completely not required. Stick to your original plan and don't feel obligated to invite people!
      *Formerly Nikki07*
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      #3 kymkymkym

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        Posted 05 February 2010 - 06:12 PM

        I don't think you need to invite her at all, if she is having a big wedding then that's her story, however you are having a smaller event and should NOT feel obligated to invite anyone regardless of the situation. Like you said if she did end up coming it would be awkward for you and it would probably also be awkward for her and her fiance as well!

        #4 amygirl1169

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          Posted 05 February 2010 - 06:21 PM

          I agree. Don't feel obligated to go OR invite her to your wedding. I think she'll understand.

          #5 AlexsBride

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            Posted 06 February 2010 - 01:05 PM

            I agree with the others! If she does send you an invite, send back the RSVP politely declining...You said you live in different states so you could even write a small note explaining that there is not really any travel options for you right now since you are going away for your wedding. Send a congrats card and be done with it. And don't feel like you have to invite her to yours. If I invited every long lost cousin that found me on Facebook, I would be buying dinner for a ton more people and get to spend way less time with the people I actually want to spend time with! Good luck, but just play it cool!
            Mom to two beautiful girls, Izzy and Delilah and about to marry their Daddy! :)

            #6 sungoddess_08

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              Posted 06 February 2010 - 01:13 PM

              No way!! You don't have to invite her! I have the same issue - we don't talk to my dad's family at all -- aside from my grandparents once in awhile. We aren't inviting any of them, and saying that its only immediate family (siblings, parents) and close friends. And I wouldn't feel obligated to go to hers!!

              #7 Melidell

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                Posted 06 February 2010 - 01:38 PM

                You don't have to invite her- you're having a small wedding, she's not and there's a difference. As for hers, go if you want to and decline if you don't. I don't find it that weird that she invited you, though. In my family if one cousin gets an invite then they all need to get one and you send invites to family you never see at any other time. That's one of the reasons I went small and non traditional, otherwise it would have been a zoo (I have a huge extended family). So maybe it was a courtesy family invite rather than an invite because she expects one from you, too. Besides, if she has her own wedding going on it would probably make it harder for her to get to yours anyway.
                Loving married life!

                #8 carolina24

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                  Posted 06 February 2010 - 06:28 PM

                  i say dont invite her. if anything about the subject comes up, you could tell her that you guys have already made arrangements with the resort and have a cap on the number (because of the location you chose within the resort or budget or whatever). are you having an AHR? you could invite her to that, but only if you want. I am very against inviting people to something like a wedding b/c you feel pressured to. bottom line is that you are celebrating your love with the man of you dreams and to me this is a very intimate and personal event to be shared by those people closest to you!!

                  #9 Stina4242

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                    Posted 17 February 2010 - 09:20 AM

                    She is having a big wedding so you don't need to invite her to your small one!

                    #10 mnh1983

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                      Posted 17 February 2010 - 10:27 AM

                      I wouldn't worry about inviting her since your wedding is so small. If she invites you to hers and inquires why she wasn't invited to yours, just explain that it was super small and that only immediate family and friends came.

                      I'm in a situation like Melidell where if you invite one family member, you have to invite them all or there will be drama. Luckily, I know for a fact that none of my extended family will be able to travel for my wedding, so I am inviting them out of courtesy so as to not hurt feelings.

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