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The Parental Contribution Vent!

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#1 AlexsBride

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    Posted 27 January 2010 - 04:52 PM

    I'll have to give a bit of background info here for this to make sense, so here goes. My mother and father are divorced and my Mom is remarried. My Stepfather has three children and there are four kids in my family. All of us are between 18-31 years of age. Two of my stepbrothers got married in the recent years (traditional weddings) and my mom and stepfather contributed a set sum of money. They discussed this sum and decided on it based on the fact that there are seven kids in total and they wanted to be fair to everyone when we all get married as well.

    Well now it's my turn to get married! I know that we shouldn't automatically expect anything from our parents and that we should all be responsible for our own weddings. But in this situation, we were kind of thinking that we could count on this money from my Mom and StepDad because it's what they told us when the other boys were getting married and that everyone would be getting the same. Well they should have perhaps stipulated that it "had to be a traditional wedding" because we were discussing it the other day and they said that since our wedding was going to cost them money to get there, they were not giving us that set amount! WHATTTT. How is that fair? Did they get a one week all inclusive holiday at a beautiful resort when giving the other boys money for their wedding?

    I'm just venting here...This is one more case of him favouring his kids over my moms kids and I just think that if his last kid got married in a destination wedding, he would gladly write out his cheque! Should I say anything to my mom or just leave it? I don't want to cause a big family fight but at the same time, I just feel like it's very unfair to me and my FI. It's our wedding and we should be able to do it our way...
    Mom to two beautiful girls, Izzy and Delilah and about to marry their Daddy! :)

    #2 Kristy!


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      Posted 27 January 2010 - 05:15 PM

      I know you're not going to like my answer, but I don't think it's unreasonable for your parents to give a smaller amount when it's costing them so much more for them to attend your wedding. My parents were generous enough to give DH and me money for our wedding, but they specifically laid out how much their travel expenses were going to be and pulled the money from the "wedding fund." I thought that was more than fair.

      Just so you're aware, your gifts will probably be smaller too, if you even recieve any. As great as it is to give people an excuse to go to a tropical location for a week, it's still a lot of money to pay for a vacation they didn't plan themselves.

      #3 amygirl1169

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        Posted 27 January 2010 - 05:47 PM

        I agree with Kristy. My parents are doing the same thing. They had a set amount in mind they were going to give us, but I told them to factor in the cost they were paying for their trips.
        My parents wouldn't in a million years travel to the Caribbean if it weren't for our wedding and while I'm certain they'll end up enjoying themselves, I do feel it is a lot to ask of people to spend their vacation time at a place and at a rate you have dictated.

        However, if your step-dad were to give his other children the same amount if they were doing a DW, then that's just not right...

        #4 hat0112

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          Posted 27 January 2010 - 05:49 PM

          I unfortunately agree with Kristy. My parents are giving us money for the wedding, but are taking out travel costs for the two of them. I am more than grateful for the money they are giving us, since I wouldn’t have a wedding at all if it wasn’t for the money they are giving me. I know that my brother will get a lot more money because him and his GF want to get married at City Hall and have a BBQ in my parents backyard. If you think about it, they are still spending the same amount of money on you as they did with the other kids, you just don’t all of it (assuming they are giving you money and it is less their travel costs).
          Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

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          #5 shellk

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            Posted 27 January 2010 - 06:06 PM

            i totally understand what your saying but at the same time i agree with your mum as well.i wouldnt say anything and if you get something its a bonus.broken families they,re great are,nt they lol

            #6 sungoddess_08

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              Posted 27 January 2010 - 06:09 PM

              Again, I agree with the others! My parents decided on a set amount - but they love to go to AI so that wasn't an issue - They would be going on a trip around that time anyways, so to them it's not coming out of the set amount. That being said, we love to travel together so it's just a great thing happening on a family trip! :) I definitely feel you should say somethign -- but to your mom, in private maybe. That way he won't feel offended.

              #7 **Kat**

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                Posted 27 January 2010 - 06:12 PM

                I see the point for your rant! But my mom and step dad tried to give us money as well. I told them to take out travel expenses too! There is no way I was going to let them give me the amount that they wanted to on TOP of traveling. So we negotiated and they bought my dress instead :)

                #8 LCBride2007


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                  Posted 27 January 2010 - 06:14 PM

                  I have to agree with Kristy and the others. It didn't cost them $3000+ to attend the other kids weddings, so if you're just looking at it from a financial standpoint it makes sense that the $ they give you is less.

                  #9 KAMAY11

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                    Posted 27 January 2010 - 08:52 PM

                    I, too am going to agree with everyone in this thread...
                    The $$$ I received from my mom, was them coming to my wedding. I personally would rather have had my parents at my wedding then cash in my hand.

                    How do you think he's "favoring" his kids over you? You think that it's fair that your parents have to to dish out prob close to $3+ grand to come to your wedding PLUS whatever you feel you're entitled to because that's what they gave your siblings??

                    While I understand your vent, it didn't cost your parents money to go to your step-siblings' wedding(s).

                    At the end of the day, be happy that your parents want to come and share your day with you!

                    Sorry if that's too honest, but you really have to take a minute and put this into perspective.
                    D & K
                    October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


                    #10 Ana


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                    Posted 28 January 2010 - 11:03 AM

                    I'm actually a bit shocked at the rant, and at your surprise. I agree with everyone else. While its a vacation for everyone including your parents, the cost of their flights is substantial and it should be factored into the cost of the wedding. I hope that you will come to see how your parents must be feeling as well. I will also add, that even for us we told our guests they did not have to give us gifts because it was such a huge expense for them to come. Some still chose to give something, but it was not expected.

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