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Need help BM issues


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#1 *HOLLY*

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    Posted 24 January 2010 - 03:00 AM

    So I am very frustrated right now. I have 6 BM's and only 3 I fully trust to make this such a great day. My MOH has sent numerous emails about wedding stuff and 3 of them take forever to get back to her if they ever do. I had to text people to make sure to check their emails and its getting pretty ridiculous. I really wish I could cut my wedding party in half and call it a day. How can I talk to the ladies to see if this is what they want to do? Even my friends are getting fed up with these ladies. I only added them because of my fiance. I mean fack my bro would be a better BM.

    #2 LadyTrunck

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      Posted 24 January 2010 - 03:37 AM

      I think you have the right idea to just ask them what is up. If it were me, I would say something like, "I totally understand if you don't have time for this, so please just let me know either way." Sorry this is happening to you though. Frustrating!
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      #3 sungoddess_08

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        Posted 24 January 2010 - 12:06 PM

        I agree!! I started out with 4, but eventually got down to 1 maid of honor -- and I'm asking my FI two sisters. My friends are all students, so it was tough for them, but instead of saying "no" and that they couldn't afford it (which I would have COMPLETELY understood) they did the same thing -- avoided emails, texts etc. I finally just came out and asked them and they ended up opting out. It was hard, but it was a relief to not have to wonder if they really wanted to be in it or not.

        #4 AnnaBanana

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          Posted 24 January 2010 - 02:23 PM

          Okay, having been a bridesmaid sooo many times, I can say that I may have fallen into that category once before. And let me just say that if I COULD, I would totally go back and get my act together because I think if my BMs acted the way I did, I think I would have a meltdown.

          If they have not been married before, they probably don't realize the stress it is on the bride. They don't realize that planning a wedding is SO hard to do alone and by asking them to be in the wedding they carry some kind of responsibility to take the burden off of you. For us as brides, we are so preoccupied with the wedding - sleeping, drinking, eating wedding - sometimes we forget that our bridesmaids only share so much of that.

          Maybe you just need to let them know what exactly it means to you to have a bridesmaid, and that it's more than just showing up with a pretty dress on. I know if my friends had said something to me, I would have turned completely around for them because I love them! (I've apologized to them about my behavior in their weddings now that I'm planning my own)

          Anyhow, I wish you luck! I know the added stress can't be helping.

          #5 *HOLLY*

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            Posted 24 January 2010 - 03:44 PM

            Thanks ladies. I called out a BM and she is getting defensive. She stateds she wants to be a part of it and she is upset I said others would be more than happy to be a BM and that I could sell her dress if she didnt want a part of it. Whateve. Nightmare!

            #6 shellk

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              Posted 24 January 2010 - 04:43 PM

              i think you need to be honest with them ask them out right and let them know you have lots to do without double checking on them.but obviously do it in the nicest way possible as you dont need the trouble

              #7 McToasty

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                Posted 24 January 2010 - 05:41 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by AnnaBanana
                Okay, having been a bridesmaid sooo many times, I can say that I may have fallen into that category once before. And let me just say that if I COULD, I would totally go back and get my act together because I think if my BMs acted the way I did, I think I would have a meltdown.

                If they have not been married before, they probably don't realize the stress it is on the bride. They don't realize that planning a wedding is SO hard to do alone and by asking them to be in the wedding they carry some kind of responsibility to take the burden off of you. For us as brides, we are so preoccupied with the wedding - sleeping, drinking, eating wedding - sometimes we forget that our bridesmaids only share so much of that.

                Maybe you just need to let them know what exactly it means to you to have a bridesmaid, and that it's more than just showing up with a pretty dress on. I know if my friends had said something to me, I would have turned completely around for them because I love them! (I've apologized to them about my behavior in their weddings now that I'm planning my own)

                Anyhow, I wish you luck! I know the added stress can't be helping.
                I agree with AnnaBanana. I was a BM for my cousin and i complained about the color of the dress, the style, the cost... i feel really bad about it now, and it's horrible that it takes me being a bride to know the meaning of being in the bridal party... but that's what it took for me to learn. Definitely try talking to them and saying upfront that you don't mind if they can't be your BM, you just want everyone to be on the same page, sort of thing.

                Hope it all works out!

                #8 brandynd

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                  Posted 24 January 2010 - 08:21 PM

                  Oh hun I'm so sorry! I've been in the same boat for the past several monts since FI and I had to cancel our DW and plan a domestic one. My bridal party has grown from 3 to 9, and not everyone understands what responsibility comes along with being a BM. Try to keep positive about it, not everyone has been there, so they don't understand how stressful it is! Try to sit down with the girls who are being difficult and explain your frustration to them. If all else fails, just remember, you still have 3 girls who are going to help make your day perfect!
                  There is no better gift that can be given than the gift of ones self.

                  #9 *HOLLY*

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                    Posted 24 January 2010 - 08:42 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by brandynd
                    Oh hun I'm so sorry! I've been in the same boat for the past several monts since FI and I had to cancel our DW and plan a domestic one. My bridal party has grown from 3 to 9, and not everyone understands what responsibility comes along with being a BM. Try to keep positive about it, not everyone has been there, so they don't understand how stressful it is! Try to sit down with the girls who are being difficult and explain your frustration to them. If all else fails, just remember, you still have 3 girls who are going to help make your day perfect!
                    Very True! So right!

                    #10 Sylvie143

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                      Posted 25 January 2010 - 05:00 PM

                      Honey,

                      I think you need to be honest, sit down and talk to them and ask their deal and if they really want to be a part of it. Essentially you have 3 ladies who will make your day and make sure everything flows smoothly, but if the other girls don't feel the same and half booty it and don't want to help, then they shouldn't be apart of it. Some girls maybedon't know what to do or don't know the etiquette of being a BM and if that's the case when you talk to them, you can find out if they are cluess or if they really aren't BM material.




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