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rude BM or just being helpful?

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#11 frenchie427

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    Posted 28 December 2009 - 09:23 PM

    This is a special time and a special occasion which is why your fi and mother's emotions are high. It isn't easy for most guests financially to go to a destination wedding. After all it's the presence of friends and family that truly make the experience all the more meaningful. Good for you for setting the example for your fi & mom, tell them that you're just happy to have them there regardless of what day they arrive. They should catch on. Once they get there they probably won't even care, who can be angry in paradise?

    Perhaps you could tell Mr. & Mrs. Know-It-All that you ansolutely want to be surprised about the resort and see it through your own eyes first... that way it won't make things too awkward so they'll back off.

    #12 clfaidl2

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      Posted 28 December 2009 - 09:36 PM

      I totally agree with you! What's the big deal if they go early? I really don't see any harm in it, they are not hurting anyone. They got a wonderful deal and decided to enjoy the destination. I don't see a problem with it at all. Tell mom and FI not to worry about other ppl.....its still going to be your day, you will be the belle of the ball!

      #13 rodent


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        Posted 28 December 2009 - 10:31 PM

        I wanted to be the first to show up, but mostly because I wanted to scope the place out so I was ready to show our guests around. I was really hoping no one booked to arrive before us, but if it was someone interested in helping that could have worked great. I felt a lot of pressure to scope the whole place out to be able to give our guests tips when they arrived. We were only there a day before everyone else arrived. Why not take them up on the offer & give them tasks to do? I would have liked it if another couple offered to be the go to people for answering questions about the hotel stuff. It gets exausting when everyone keeps asking you how to make reservations, etc.

        We just planned a family trip to hawaii. Everyone was supposed to arrive on the same day with some people staying longer than others. My SIL got a great deal to arrive two days earlier & just couldn't pass it up. Sometimes you just plan your trip around the fares.

        #14 islandbride317

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          Posted 28 December 2009 - 10:54 PM

          Lisa, I can see why you and your family are upset....if I am being 100% honest here, I'd have to say that it would sort of bother me, too!

          I will have been planning and researching for close to a year and a half by the time we finally go to our DW in Jamaica in May, and although I wouldn't do ANYTHING to make my guests uncomfortable, I would also hope that I could be the one to sort of "show everyone the ropes" like Morgan said! Maybe I'm childish for saying this, but even though they mean well, I would still feel irritated that they might be trying to tell ME about something I should, as the bride, know better than them!

          And, after seeing some of my family members at Christmas that will be going, I think a few of the them may indeed be arriving a few days before us (which is fine because I don't think they're they type to step on my toes -- frankly, I think they just want to drink and relax on the beach!) but I FEEL WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM, SISTER!!

          Just tell your Mom and FI to sort of play it by ear....maybe once your friends actually see you when they show up, they will sort of back down, now that the BRIDE AND GROOM have arrived!!!

          BEST WISHES, LOVE and I hope they can realize that this trip is more than just a vacation to you -- it's your wedding, and since they spent money to be there to share this with you, the LAST THING they should want to do is try to upstage you or make your and your FI tense!

          #15 nsbride2010

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            Posted 28 December 2009 - 10:55 PM

            I agree with YOU, not your FI for sure! I can understand how he would see that though, since it is (like another girl said) strange that they would go before you. Part of the fun is everyone arriving together and discovering the resort together! This in mind, are you two staying the week after the wedding as your honeymoon? If this is the case, what they are doing could be considered considerate (in a way) since they will get both their own vacation and won't be interfering on your honeymoon! :) I have a slight issue with this with our wedding, so being in my position I would almost want them to go the week before... haha
            I think that you should tell the couple that is going before you that a few pictures would be okay, since you have most likely seen many pics of your resort anyway (trip advisor, etc)... this way, they can still feel like they are getting to counsel you about the resort but they aren't going overboard. If they give recommendations about places to eat, that would be fantastic IMO! Whats worse than going to an ala carte that sucks only to have to go to the buffet right after?

            At the same time, you should gently let them know that you do want to have some surprises during your wedding week and don't want to know everything since thats half the fun! :) I'm SURE they will understand!
            Enjoying marital bliss since July 1st, 2010

            #16 KJ Shea

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              Posted 29 December 2009 - 01:54 AM

              As much as I agree with what everyone is saying... i think that you have to really make sure that your FI feels that you understand where he is coming from and that ultimately this wedding is about you and he. He apparently has strong feelings about this and you definitely don't want what someone else is doing (with good intentions or not) to haunt you the whole time you are away together. Or to take away from your special time together.

              You might need to have a united approch about how you both can be happy and relaxed for your wedding. This way you keep this small stuff from causing any unnecessary stress between the two of you.

              Good Luck and Have Fun!!

              #17 Erika J

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                Posted 29 December 2009 - 02:21 AM

                I dont think it is wierd that your BM is arriving early at all. She got a deal and jumped on it, plus it is flattering that she was that into the resort you chose. It is her vacation time and she seems to want to use it that way. No biggie IMO.

                I might tell them that you want to explore the resort yourself and form your own opinions when you and FI get ther. If you want thier opinions when you get there fine, if you disagree, do whatever you want for YOUR wedding with out worring about their opinions.

                #18 shellk

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                  Posted 29 December 2009 - 08:10 AM

                  yeh your right.i can understand why it annoys your fi and mum but does it really matter?you have the right mind set.dont worry girl when you get there you will be the bride and she wont steal you thunder.like you say she can find out the stuff you need to know.

                  why did they not just stop the week after your wedding?some people.

                  #19 Billisa

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                    Posted 30 December 2009 - 02:42 AM

                    thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful replies. It really sheds some light on the issue from both sides. I understand a bit better now ...the whole idea of being the ones 'in the know' does seem to be important to FI. He feels as if my friends are sabotaging us...'stealing our wedding' is how he put it. When I reallly think about it yeah, I can see that now...the whole point is for us to experience things together as a group...

                    But the point is they are there right now, and actually, my friend has been pretty good - no texts or emails, not even that much on FB other than her posting something about everything being 'irie'...lol. So I think she got the point...especially when I told her not to tell me anything right on her FB page!

                    I do have to form a united front with FI...sometimes I think he gets kind of jealous that I am so close with my BM and perhaps that is the underlying problem here.

                    Oh, and no we are not staying an extra week. Which again is another thing...like...they get to experience a 2 week vacay and we, the ones who are actually getting married, only have the 1 week. Hmmm. Doesn't seem fair!

                    #20 michelle10

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                      Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:32 AM

                      when it comes to weddings, you just have to let things go. Don't stress over the little stuff or you will only remember the stress of the day! Relax and enjoy!

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