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Step dad and new found family??

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#1 ~Keira~

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    Posted 21 November 2009 - 10:06 AM

    Ok so here is some background into my mixed up world of dads.

    My biological dad (Dan) was never around. I have searched for over 10 years and finally met him and his family this year. My step dad doesn't know.

    My step dad (Brian) I have known since I was like 3. I called him dad, he is my brothers bio dad, he was married to my mum for 10 years. Even when my parents split up, I took his side and we were fairly until a couple years ago when he move about 6 hours away.

    The last time I spoke to Brian was about 2 weeks before my birthday (DOB: April 11th). I got no happy birthday, and no congrats on getting married. Nothing, nada, zip.

    When it came time to send out invites for our AHR, I decided that since I was inviting Brian's sister and his dad (both I still talk to) I would have to send one to him. Fully expecting to receive no response. I addressed the invite to him thinking that if he did come he would assume it was just for him.

    Wrong!! I just received his response card, filled in with his sisters handwriting, no less. This is the kicker though, he responded that he would like to bring his girlfriend and her twin 13 year old daughters!! WTF. I don't get it. I haven't talked to him in 9 months at this point and most likely won't until the reception in Feb. I've met his girlfriend once a little over a year ago and her kids are annoying little brats that I want nothing to do with.

    My question is, what do I do now? How do I tactfully let them know that the invite was only intended for my Brian? I can bend a little to allow his girlfriend but I really think its unnecessary for her daughters to come.

    Thanks for listening to my long winded woes. And thank you in advance for the advice that I know is about to come flooding in. I know I can count on my BDW girls!
    ~Keira~**formerly KLee147**


    #2 SusieQ

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      Posted 21 November 2009 - 10:21 AM

      Yikes that is a tough one!!!!

      #3 Melidell

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        Posted 21 November 2009 - 03:13 PM

        Are there any other children attending? If not, a tactful (if not 100% honest) way may be to just say that it's adults only. Or something along the lines of how, because space is limited, people are welcome to bring a guest, but only one? That is a tough one, though.
        Loving married life!

        #4 ~Keira~

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          Posted 21 November 2009 - 04:42 PM

          I wish I could say that, only there will be at least 5 other children there. They will be younger (under the age of 10) but children no less.

          I really wish I hadn't sent the invite. Anyone have a time machine?
          ~Keira~**formerly KLee147**


          #5 Krista_H

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            Posted 21 November 2009 - 05:30 PM

            Would you feel confortable talking with his sister and getting her point of view? She probably knows him best. Otherwise I would tell him that the invite was for him (you can be nice and say and his guest) and that since you've never even met the two girls you don't think it's appropriate for them to come to such an event as celebrating your marriage.

            #6 carolina24

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              Posted 21 November 2009 - 06:29 PM

              I just don't understand when it became ok for people to assume they can bring guests?!? The only person(s) invited are the ones NAMED on the invitation. Let him (or have your MOH) know that because of space/budget limits the invitation was meant for him only. I don't think there is anything wrong with putting your foot down. Personally, I only want those people who are closest to us there. His gfriend and her daughters have nothing to do with you!

              #7 KarenM

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                Posted 21 November 2009 - 08:24 PM

                Oh, wow. It's awfully presumptuous of him to think it would be fine for him to bring not only his girlfriend, but her 2 kids as well. Since the 'no kids' clause is out, I think your best bet is to just be honest with him. I mean, he was your dad all these years and even though you're not close anymore it'll be awkward & uncomfortable for you, your mom, him & his girlfriend. I can't believe he wouldn't have the sense to recognize that!
                Good luck!!

                #8 hat0112

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                  Posted 21 November 2009 - 08:39 PM

                  I think you need to talk to him and tell that the invite was just for him but he can bring the new GF but not the kids. It is not right that he invited the gf and kids along to your wedding. You can even tell him that there is limited seating and the kids can't come.
                  Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

                  I love being a Mrs.!

                  #9 ~Keira~

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                    Posted 21 November 2009 - 09:27 PM

                    Thanks for the advise ladies. I wish I wasn't such a chicken. Do any of you ladies want to contact him? lol.

                    In all honesty, I think his sister is the best person to ask about it. Hopefully, she won't be offended by how uncomfortable this whole thing makes me feel.
                    ~Keira~**formerly KLee147**


                    #10 daniepps

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                      Posted 07 December 2009 - 12:30 AM

                      I say you should talk to his sister first since you said she was the one who filled out the RSVP card. Let her know what your issues are and ask if she can talk to him instead of you doing it.

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