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Biggest Destination Wedding Stress factor - what's yours?

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Right now my biggest stress factor is the Priest in Punta Cana.  I was told by the resort that his calendar would one year in advance to our wedding, now the priest says his calendar will not open til Spetember 2012 for 2013 wedding my wedding date is in Feb 2013 and we have already placed room block on 11 rooms at the resort and my FI "needs" us to have Catholic wedding.  It would not matter to me, but my FI's father has told us he is not paying a dime to go to DR until he is for certain that it will be performed by a catholic priest. 

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My biggest stressors are the guests. I want to call the entire wedding "off" and elope with my fiance (and possibly our immediate families) to the same destination, same venue, and be free of the ingrates.

 

My fiance has a small family and many of his friends cannot make it. Meanwhile, everyone on my side wants to come and bring other people. Just because FI's guests sent regrets, it doesn't mean there is an opening for your neighbor, your brother in-law, friend, etc. My uncle told me "that's ok; I'm already bringing someone to the wedding". WTF how are you just going to bring "someone" to the wedding?

 

I can't tell you how many people told me that I should not get married in Jamaica. My dad's cousin asked me whether I had and come to my senses and have have decided to have it at my parent's house. She also asked me why I had done something so foolish as to pay for a wedding in Jamaica. When I made the mistake of mentioning that we were also considering getting married in NY, one of my fiance's friends said that's what you should've done.

 

I tried really hard to book the hotel that was most affordable for our guests (forgoing the one I really wanted and incentives). Now we have to pay an extra $1500 plus travel costs for each of us, a fake beach at the new resort, and no upgrades. And because this resort is far from our welcome dinner restaurant, we need to plan a new location for that, too.

 

We have to have a separate off-site location for activities because some of my family lives on the island and guest passes would be ridiculously expensive.

 

With all of these accommodations, to make attending our wedding easier for people. They still want more accommodations. I'm fed up. If we call off the wedding and just have our immediate families (sibs and parents), and a few friends, we can all stay at the resort of our choice and host all of our events at the resort for no additional charges because our group is small enough and save the excessive costs we are incurring trying to cater to each sub-group, with no recognition of our sacrifice on OUR WEDDING.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yikes.

Can I make a suggestion? Think about it, and, if that is what you want to do, DO IT.

I have heard nothing good from my side at all. Even my own parents have said they might not come. It really bugged me. Now, I think, "fine, don't". It is just one excuse after another. You give an inch, they take a mile. Finally, we just said, forget it. We are going to do what WE want. At the end of the day, if they really want to be there, they will be. If not, they won't be. They are welcome too, but they are not going to weigh me down with such incredible negativity the whole engagement.

So, if you want to cancel and replan, do it. Decide what you really want, and what is most important to you and your FI. And then, do it. Take into account the people most important to you.

But, at the end of the day, you have to do what will make you happy.

 

Good luck!

 


 

Originally Posted by atalanta View Post

My biggest stressors are the guests. I want to call the entire wedding "off" and elope with my fiance (and possibly our immediate families) to the same destination, same venue, and be free of the ingrates.

 

My fiance has a small family and many of his friends cannot make it. Meanwhile, everyone on my side wants to come and bring other people. Just because FI's guests sent regrets, it doesn't mean there is an opening for your neighbor, your brother in-law, friend, etc. My uncle told me "that's ok; I'm already bringing someone to the wedding". WTF how are you just going to bring "someone" to the wedding?

 

I can't tell you how many people told me that I should not get married in Jamaica. My dad's cousin asked me whether I had and come to my senses and have have decided to have it at my parent's house. She also asked me why I had done something so foolish as to pay for a wedding in Jamaica. When I made the mistake of mentioning that we were also considering getting married in NY, one of my fiance's friends said that's what you should've done.

 

I tried really hard to book the hotel that was most affordable for our guests (forgoing the one I really wanted and incentives). Now we have to pay an extra $1500 plus travel costs for each of us, a fake beach at the new resort, and no upgrades. And because this resort is far from our welcome dinner restaurant, we need to plan a new location for that, too.

 

We have to have a separate off-site location for activities because some of my family lives on the island and guest passes would be ridiculously expensive.

 

With all of these accommodations, to make attending our wedding easier for people. They still want more accommodations. I'm fed up. If we call off the wedding and just have our immediate families (sibs and parents), and a few friends, we can all stay at the resort of our choice and host all of our events at the resort for no additional charges because our group is small enough and save the excessive costs we are incurring trying to cater to each sub-group, with no recognition of our sacrifice on OUR WEDDING.

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

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My biggest stressors are the guests. I want to call the entire wedding "off" and elope with my fiance (and possibly our immediate families) to the same destination, same venue, and be free of the ingrates. My fiance has a small family and many of his friends cannot make it. Meanwhile, everyone on my side wants to come and bring other people. Just because FI's guests sent regrets, it doesn't mean there is an opening for your neighbor, your brother in-law, friend, etc. My uncle told me "that's ok; I'm already bringing someone to the wedding". WTF how are you just going to bring "someone" to the wedding? I can't tell you how many people told me that I should not get married in Jamaica. My dad's cousin asked me whether I had and come to my senses and have have decided to have it at my parent's house. She also asked me why I had done something so foolish as to pay for a wedding in Jamaica. When I made the mistake of mentioning that we were also considering getting married in NY, one of my fiance's friends said that's what you should've done. I tried really hard to book the hotel that was most affordable for our guests (forgoing the one I really wanted and incentives). Now we have to pay an extra $1500 plus travel costs for each of us, a fake beach at the new resort, and no upgrades. And because this resort is far from our welcome dinner restaurant, we need to plan a new location for that, too. We have to have a separate off-site location for activities because some of my family lives on the island and guest passes would be ridiculously expensive. With all of these accommodations, to make attending our wedding easier for people. They still want more accommodations. I'm fed up. If we call off the wedding and just have our immediate families (sibs and parents), and a few friends, we can all stay at the resort of our choice and host all of our events at the resort for no additional charges because our group is small enough and save the excessive costs we are incurring trying to cater to each sub-group, with no recognition of our sacrifice on OUR WEDDING.
That sounds very frusterating, what you need to do is think of why you wanted a destination wedding, small intimate and about YOU !! Don't let anyone's opinions matter, those who are important will be there for your big day

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Great suggestion, Peach! Thank you!

 

Lady, do I know about giving an inch and taking a mile.

Originally Posted by Peach View Post

Yikes.

Can I make a suggestion? Think about it, and, if that is what you want to do, DO IT.

I have heard nothing good from my side at all. Even my own parents have said they might not come. It really bugged me. Now, I think, "fine, don't". It is just one excuse after another. You give an inch, they take a mile. Finally, we just said, forget it. We are going to do what WE want. At the end of the day, if they really want to be there, they will be. If not, they won't be. They are welcome too, but they are not going to weigh me down with such incredible negativity the whole engagement.

So, if you want to cancel and replan, do it. Decide what you really want, and what is most important to you and your FI. And then, do it. Take into account the people most important to you.

But, at the end of the day, you have to do what will make you happy.

 

Good luck!

 


 



 



 

Kellykanester,

 

Thanks for the advice. I think it is sound. I'm more worried about those you are coming/planning to come/crash being there for our big day.

 

Nidanie
 

Originally Posted by kellykanester View Post


That sounds very frusterating, what you need to do is think of why you wanted a destination wedding, small intimate and about YOU !! Don't let anyone's opinions matter, those who are important will be there for your big day


 

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You sound really, really stressed out and it sucks because you'll only get to do this once (hopefully) and you should enjoy it without all the outside negativity.  I know it's easier said than done but try to forget about everyone else and do what makes YOU happy.  Yes, be selfish!!  I'm not a selfish person at all and I tried my best to accommodate all my guests as best as I could...but then I let it go!  You can't make everyone happy and you shouldn't.  This is YOUR wedding, your big day and you get to be a little selfish.  You can tell your guests that their friends are not invited.  You can tell people that you chose to get married in Jamaica because that was the best option for you.  You can tell people that you will understand if they can't make the trip, but you're still getting married in Jamaica. 

 

You will feel so much better when you stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and says, and just do what makes you happy.  You don't want to look back on this time and regret that you didn't enjoy planning your own wedding.  And even worse, you don't want to look back and regret that you didn't get married in the venue of your dreams because of outside influences. 


These are your memories that you're creating.  To everyone else, your wedding is **just** another wedding of the many they will attend in their lifetimes.  But not for you.  This is YOUR wedding, the one that you'll remember forever and you should plan it your way.  Forget what they say.  It'll be very liberating when you make the decision to forget about the world and do what you want to do. 

 

I know it's easier said than done, but I stressed over the smallest things when I was planning, and there came a point where I decided to let it all go and be a little selfish.  From that moment on, everything was so much smoother and I enjoyed the planning so much more.  In hindsight, none of those things were worth getting stressed out about.  I ended up having the wedding of my dreams and one that I will never ever forget.  When your wedding day comes, none of this will matter.


 

Originally Posted by atalanta View Post

My biggest stressors are the guests. I want to call the entire wedding "off" and elope with my fiance (and possibly our immediate families) to the same destination, same venue, and be free of the ingrates.

 

My fiance has a small family and many of his friends cannot make it. Meanwhile, everyone on my side wants to come and bring other people. Just because FI's guests sent regrets, it doesn't mean there is an opening for your neighbor, your brother in-law, friend, etc. My uncle told me "that's ok; I'm already bringing someone to the wedding". WTF how are you just going to bring "someone" to the wedding?

 

I can't tell you how many people told me that I should not get married in Jamaica. My dad's cousin asked me whether I had and come to my senses and have have decided to have it at my parent's house. She also asked me why I had done something so foolish as to pay for a wedding in Jamaica. When I made the mistake of mentioning that we were also considering getting married in NY, one of my fiance's friends said that's what you should've done.

 

I tried really hard to book the hotel that was most affordable for our guests (forgoing the one I really wanted and incentives). Now we have to pay an extra $1500 plus travel costs for each of us, a fake beach at the new resort, and no upgrades. And because this resort is far from our welcome dinner restaurant, we need to plan a new location for that, too.

 

We have to have a separate off-site location for activities because some of my family lives on the island and guest passes would be ridiculously expensive.

 

With all of these accommodations, to make attending our wedding easier for people. They still want more accommodations. I'm fed up. If we call off the wedding and just have our immediate families (sibs and parents), and a few friends, we can all stay at the resort of our choice and host all of our events at the resort for no additional charges because our group is small enough and save the excessive costs we are incurring trying to cater to each sub-group, with no recognition of our sacrifice on OUR WEDDING.

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

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No one has been on this thread for a few months, but I just came across it and I'm glad. 

 

My biggest stress? The bridesmaids. I've never been particularly good with women. They usually like me, but women tend to not enjoy my upfront attitude. So at one point if I tell them they are acting selfish they get all conniving and end up become a classic frienime. Whereas men will either yell at you, maybe call you something and get over it, which I don't mind, or see your point. I certainly appreciate honesty so I've always enjoyed friendships with men more. Long story short, I don't have a lot of long term girlfriends. 

 

I know I can pick men for the bridal party but they also aren't the type who know how to plan anything or help with anything and I need help with this wedding. Soooo...women then?

 

So I picked my party, and now? My friend of 5 years has pretty much checked out of my life. It feels like she's only around for the wedding. She has been passed over for other wedding parties because she didn't live near her friends and this is her first shot, which I know she is very excited about. But I get the feeling she's excited about being in a wedding, not being in my wedding. 

 

My least favourite moments so far are that she missed 90% of our engagement party, showed up long enough to complain it wasn't close enough to her house and has tried to manipulate my stagette trip to Vegas to suit all of her needs (trying to rearrange the rooms, the plans, the seats on the flight, everything)

 

I try talking to her and she is dismissive and defensive, a terrible combination. At this point, with a trip to Vegas coming up and her deposit down on the wedding, I feel like I'm between a rock and an uncaring place. 

 

I could be over reacting, but I feel like I'm stuck with someone who just doesn't care. 

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Hi everyone this forum has been great help.I'm stressed as I'm trying to get everyone to book .they say they are coming but I can't plan anything unill they have booked there flight etc.also being from the UK and getting married in mexico a lot can't make it to our wedding which is sad x

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