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Asked to share wedding week by friend- vent/help!!

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#21 SSNM

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    Posted 02 November 2009 - 09:57 PM

    Wow, I can completely see both sides. A few thoughts:

    1. If there are common guests, they may be hard pressed to choose between two events to fly out to if they couldn't afford both.

    2. It may be difficult for your friend and her husband to fly out twice for their ROV and your wedding and so they are trying to consolidate their expenses to be able to attend your wedding and celebrate their marriage.

    3. The wedding is typically 1-3 days at the most and then the rest of the week is free.

    4. An ROV with just the two of them should have no bearing on your wedding day, and thus should be allowed.

    5. An ROV with them and a few common guests should be split apart by a few days.

    6. I would suggest to her that she NOT plan any other events during the week other than her ROV as you put in the majority of planning the trip and other guests should not be over-burdened with too many functions during their vacation week. This way, it doesn't take away from your thunder and she still gets her ROV.

    #22 SSNM

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      Posted 02 November 2009 - 10:07 PM

      Originally Posted by Debs
      As long as it's at least 2 days AFTER yours I wouldn't have a problem with it. Here's the thing. All your guests won't hang out with each other every day they are down on the trip. Everyone has their own thing going on, like activities and excursions, I wouldn't expect (or want) people looking to me for something to do the entire week, as I'm there to have a vacation too.

      I would draw the line at planning the thing together though. I mean your wedding is your wedding. As long as she's still planning her own thing and not latching on to all your plans it wouldn't bother me.

      Besides, 10 years is nothing to sneeze at. I would feel like a beotch by saying they couldn't celebrate it just because they happen to be away at your wedding.

      I agree with Debs. I too would feel like an ogre if I told my friend she could not celebrate her wedding because she was at mine. And I do agree it should be after yours, not before.

      #23 linzangel

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        Posted 02 November 2009 - 10:17 PM

        I think that is kinda rude of your friend.....

        #24 buckain

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          Posted 02 November 2009 - 10:59 PM

          Thanks for all the thoughts today everyone. I know 10 years is a big deal, and i'm sure we can come up with something that works for us both... but I was just floored when she asked me... just felt weird! i'll keep you posted on what we decide... need to talk to my FI tonight and just see what feels ok for us i guess.... still wish i could covet it all as *mine* but that was part of the point of a destination wedding, was so it was special for others too, so i need to be understanding! Seeing that we live in Alaska, a trip to Florida isn't something to sneeze at amongst friends, and i would rather have her there than not there... so i'm sure i'll cave... just want to be selfish today!!! lol :)

          #25 *Meagan*

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            Posted 02 November 2009 - 11:14 PM

            Wow that is tough! I think they she shouldnt have asked you to begin with. I understand the convenience of the whole thing. But she has already been married for 10 years and has had her time to shi. Its your time now. I think you should tell her how you feel and she should understand.

            #26 kerrij

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              Posted 04 November 2009 - 04:56 PM

              Ugh! Not a good position to be put in to. Is she planning on renewing their vows just the 2 of them? i think if they did that, then that would be totally awesome if they did their own private little thing. We got engaged when we were in Mexico for my good friends wedding. my FI asked their permission first and they were extatic, but he insisted he wouldn't propose until days after the wedding so that we didnt' steal any of their thunder. we got engaged on our last day of the trip, so it was perfect for the both of us :)
              But, if she wants a big production and everyone to come, then i'd say NO! KRama totally put it perfectly! I would be upset if a friend asked me that for sure. I mean if it was someone like my parents who have been married over 35 years, that would be totally different and I'd feel so happy about it. but that isn't the case.
              Let us know what you decide...

              #27 xoHeavenSentxo

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                Posted 05 November 2009 - 06:53 PM

                It hasnt happened to me yet but I AM GOING TO BE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT!! I havent told my BF about the wedding plans because I KNOW she is gonna want to renew her & her DH wedding vows while we are all in Mexico. It is gonna be a problem bcuz she will go as far as to invite her family and try to incorporate her ideas into my planning, spilt the photographer, etc!! Im already pissed and it hasnt even happened yet!!!!!!

                I feel your pain. Let me know how you decide to handle it!!

                #28 hat0112

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                  Posted 06 November 2009 - 11:41 AM

                  I agreed with a few members above, it is YOUR DAY AND YOUR WEEK! She had her's and you shouldn't have to share that. I wouldn't share any part of my week with anyone. I am getting married in Aruba and will be there for 10 days and after the day after brunch I don't want to see anyone but my future husband! I think you should talk to her and be honest. Your day should be exactly the way you want it.
                  Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

                  I love being a Mrs.!

                  #29 Jocy

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                    Posted 06 November 2009 - 12:20 PM

                    Yikes, I'm sorry she's even put you in the position to have to decide. That to me is unfair. I wouldn't be happy about it but can understand your stuck between a rock and hard place.

                    The more i think about it the more it annoys me that she's even suggested it to you!

                    #30 kate.com


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                      Posted 06 November 2009 - 12:51 PM

                      Originally Posted by YaelM
                      I agree with this! I think if its at least a few days AFTER your wedding then it would be ok...id probably still be a little peeved but she probably doesnt see it as taking it away from your wedding. Also like Deb said as long as its completely separate and she plans her own thing...good luck!
                      Debs and Yael got it right. Granted I would want to say No way in hell... but it is always better to be the bigger person. But lay down the ground rules. 1. no planning together 2. 2 days after our wedding. 3. no soliciting our guests. When they are at your wedding week leading up to and the day of the focus should be your day.

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