Replacing a bridesmaid :(
Posted 20 October 2009 - 09:15 PM
I am writing because I need some advice on a sensitive topic. On October 10th, my neice passed away (she was my way older sisters daughter, so she was my age 27 years old). She was one of my bridesmaids. This has been one of the hardest weeks I have ever gone through. I miss her terribly.
So I thought I would ask you ladies who will also be getting married, some thoughts on the topic. I know in the end it will be my desicion, but I just wanted to hear some other opinions.
My dilemma is and I hate to even think about it but do I replace her in the wedding party?
Here are my thoughts, if I don't replace her then there will be a empty space in the wedding party, would it be too depressing for guests to have an empty space and make it a focus duing the ceremony.
Or do I replace her with a friend that I have that was around from the begininning of me and fiance's relationship. Then do something for memorial for her like a candle and an extra bouquet placed on the wedding table. I am also planning on attaching a photo of her on my bouquet, so she will be with me walking down the aisle.
Any thoughts will be appreciated, thanks for listening.
Posted 20 October 2009 - 10:45 PM
Posted 20 October 2009 - 11:24 PM
Posted 20 October 2009 - 11:33 PM
Posted 20 October 2009 - 11:37 PM
While my case is nothing as tragic as yours, FI's brother is not going to be able to come to our wedding and was supposed to be the best man. So while we've got friends that could and would step in if we asked them to, we decided not to fill his position. Basically we figured that whether he was physically there or not, he was still the only person who really fits that role in FI's mind. On our website where we have pictures and a quick description for each member of our wedding party we just wrote "Best Man in Absence" and explained why our guests wouldn't see him at the wedding. Although it still leaves us with a slightly lopsided wedding party, I don't think we would have it any other way!
Plus, I've heard many brides here comment that they have more BM's or GM so if you're worried about it looking specifically like someone is missing then I think it will be okay unless you want to do something special like a memorial to honour the part she played in your lives.
In the end, it really is up to you and FI and of course what you feel that you are comfortable with in the long run. If you can't imagine your niece having never been a part of your wedding then I say keep her as a part of it. But otherwise if you think a small tribute with your wedding party and family before/after the ceremony will be more private and not make your guests uncomfortable (or whatever other worries you have involving your guests!) then go ahead with that. I'm really very sorry to hear that you've had such a horrible thing to deal with and I wish you all the best!!
Posted 20 October 2009 - 11:39 PM
Posted 21 October 2009 - 08:06 AM
Posted 21 October 2009 - 08:35 AM
Have you talked to your sister? Maybe it's too soon, but it might mean a lot to her if you got her thoughts. I don't know how soon your wedding is, but I'd sit tight for a bit and let the decision come to you. It will, and it will be the right one.
Happily married since 2008
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