Needing to Vent- Etiquette help

btn1091 · July 3, 2009

One of my BM's (part of my FI family) has been extremely difficult thorought this whole planning experience! She has complained about the dress, and asked if she could wear it completely different from everyone else, she pressured me to set a date ASAP, and when I did she is procrastinating on booking because she might get preggers? Then was rude at my TA when the flight booked up. Her husband is also part of the wedding party and she asked us if he could just wear something similar that he already owns!?

We asked them both to be in the party because I thought as our 2 families grow up together... how nice it would be to look back at the pictures and the great experience that we had shared. But I'm really regretting ever asking them...we both have other friends that would have enjoyed this experience so much more!

My etiquette question... is how to deal with this person? So far I've just been quiet and accomodating... but my patience is wearing thin!

Any advice or stories about what you ladies went through would be greatly appreciated...and make me feel like I'm not alone in this experience!

DarcyJAde · July 4, 2009

I posted a similar story under "just venting". I think you should have a talk with this person. Remind her this is YOUR wedding in a nice way, and tell her you would like her support. See how that goes, maybe she doesn't realize her beahavior is affecting you?

big3n09 · July 4, 2009

What did FI have to say about the situation. I agree you should have a talk with them and see where their minds are because you are right it is YOUR wedding. I would see if the talk works then I would nicely have to excuse them if they continue to be a problem. It doesn't sound like you guys are that close which means it shouldn't affect your relationship that much. I do understand you want to blend with his family and this is a good way to start but it may have to be done another way at another time. Hope everything works out for you guys!

poohshek · July 4, 2009

I know money can be a touchy subject for some people. However, if this particular bride's maid is having trouble committing because of money (besides her being difficult with the dress), you can give her the option now to not be in the wedding party and attend your wedding as a guest. That way she won't be stressing you out as much and she can book the trip whenever she wants. Best thing is to have a chat with her in person. Again, it is your big day and you still have a lot of time to work any issues out.

jawedding · July 5, 2009

I would say bring it up.. i know this is easier said than done, but what if you took her aside (or out for coffee/lunch/something) and just said (in a REALLY non-confrontational way), 'hey i noticed that you really don't seem into the wedding thing' (and be prepared with examples if she asks), and then (again in a really non threatening way), ask her what the problem is, is it themoney etc.." - if you do this really kindly, i SWEAR you can't lose.. i know it's so difficult, (and cliche), but it will be harder for her to be bitchy to you if you're being sweet.. also, this gives her a chance to say "hey, i really can't afford it", and you can give her an out (and ask one of your other friends!).

If it's just that she's jealous, then someone will have to clue her in that the day is not about her (and maybe it would be better if you talked to someone in her family about this, and had them bring it up with her).

good luck!