Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
*Jen* OPPRN

This is probably dumb :S

Recommended Posts

Okay so today I was at my future FIL's house as the family is getting the house ready to be sold (FIL is elderly and unwell) - Today my fiance's daughter came over to go through some things and found her parents wedding album....so of course out of curiousity (sp) I want to see the pictures - now granted it was a long time ago - and he is 16 years older than I am so I was a kid when he married her.

 

But here is the problem - the wedding gown was made of chiffon - my gown that I have half paid for is chiffon - now this is the stupid part - it is bugging me to the point where I am thinking I want a different dress - as a matter of fact I want a dress that has colour in it so that my dress is completely different.

 

I know it is likely dumb to think this way but I can't seem to help it, I absolutely do not like his ex-wife (censored.gif) she has caused nothing but grief for us and when I saw the dress and realized the material was the same I was like huh - isn't THAT special :S

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

lol...I think the key thing is that you DO realize your feeling is irrational. It's normal-but irrational.

 

There are a lot of chiffon bridal gowns and you are having a DW--it's just a coincidence, and I guarantee you HE doesn't remember what her gown looked like, let alone what material it was. I TOTALLY GET YOUR GUT REACTION....just don't let it run away with you. You chose your gown because you love it. That shouldn't change because she had the same material. I can see if it LOOKED similar in design..but the material...don't let her do that to you. Don't let her TAKE the gown YOU chose from you. She shouldn't have that power and the dress is certainly not to blame.

 

That being said, if you can't shake the feeling by rationalizing with yourself over the next few months, then change the dress. But I'm just saying..if you're going to give CHIFFON this kind of power, theres likely to be more down the road. Other similarities or other things you want to do or change to differentiate your wedding from their, your relationshp from theirs, your marriage from theirs. It's not necessary. She's something from his past that happened and is over. You are his entire future...every day, for the rest of his life. Don't sully that with thoughts about a closed chapter in someone else's life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would put my house on the fact that if you showed your FI five different dresses out of five different materials and he wouldn't be able to tell you what his Ex wore at her wedding. I know you just want to be totally different but I know that when he sees you in your dress the LAST thing he will be thinking is about his ex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

See - you girls are great - I knew it was being stupid - you are right - gut reaction to seeing the wedding pictures - they both looked good on their wedding day - but they are not the same people they were then - obviously or I would not be in the picture - and with the DW - that is a different as it gets cheesy.gif Thanks for the input ladies - I feel better already - jsut needed to get it out since it was bugging me so much. I agree - he wouldn't have a clue about the material LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When my BFF got married I was her MOH and I put together a slideshow for her. We were at her Soon to be inlaws going through pictures trying to find some of her FI and we found a few of his first wedding pictures. It really got to her too. We had to make sure all the flowers and colors were completely different lol. It's just one of those things. He is with you because his ex and him didn't work and he LOVES you more than anything in the world. And no material or colors or flowers will make him think of anything but you on your day :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sweetie I can TOTALLY relate. My FI was married and I've asked him several times to make sure I don't see any pics because I know I will analyze them to the N-th degree and I don't want to do that. Even though I specifically asked NOT to see pictures I wonder if my dress is similar to hers and sometimes stress about MINOR similarities. In the end, I just keep telling myself that our wedding (and life) will be COMPLETELY different...........AND he's a guy who doesn't even see the similarity or relevance in everyday things, let alone would he be able to cohesivley piece together that day and make any sort of connection. I agree with BillysBride, if it really is bothering you a few months from now then get a different dress. Do what YOU need to do to feel 100% comfortable on your wedding day. But just don't pass up your dress if it is perfect for you and makes you feel amazing, just so you can have a different fabric....don't settle for looking less than your best.

 

I'm here if you need to chat, I completely know how this feels!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess its normal but I agree totally not worth the time stressing...what would you do if the ex had more money, better body, personalityhuh.gif!! Come on folks put it in perspective here...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Josi and Kat I appreciate your kind words :)

 

Yours Truly - she does have more money b/c she is getting all of my FI money - as for personailty - phoney b*tch - body - yeah not so much - I was having a moment when I was looking at my FI during another time of his life and I felt a little insecure - not feeling that way anymore so I think I have it in "perspective"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Jen* OPPRN View Post
Thanks Josi and Kat I appreciate your kind words :)

Yours Truly - she does have more money b/c she is getting all of my FI money - as for personailty - phoney b*tch - body - yeah not so much - I was having a moment when I was looking at my FI during another time of his life and I felt a little insecure - not feeling that way anymore so I think I have it in "perspective"
good to hear :) in case you are bored - you can read my stupid insecurites on this thread i posted a while back....basically about my insecurity with my FI's ex. http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t42449

ex wives suck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

josie, i immediately thought of you when i read this, because i think you definitely emerged with a better mindset about your same situation.

 

while FI was never married before, he does have a child with another woman who is basically the spawn of satan. i find myself changing the radio station if his daughter tells me a song is on is one that her mom plays, even though i know it's silly i really do not want ANY association with her. the real challenge i've found (and i know josie can back me up here) is finding a place where you're comfortable enough with yourself and your relationship to know that there's a reason why your FI is with you and not her!! (and it has nothing to do with wedding dresses or songs on the radio!)

 

jen.. on another note, i would just like to share the sentiment with you that child support/alimony STINKS! while FI would willingly give his right arm and every dollar he makes to support his daughter, the fact that it goes into her mom's bank account is gut-wrenching. i'm right there with you on that one!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • Looking for the best venue for wedding and Wedding related events Book the best Banquet Hall in West Delhi - Symphony Banquets. For all types of Social as well as corporate events with In-House Catering service and luxurious ambiance to make every event a memorable one.  
    • Hundreds of years before, the basic jewellery were made out of seashells and bone, trees and animal skin. In the ancient times, the Egyptian jewellery first came into existence. Egyptian culture inhabited technology, gemstones, and precious metals early in comparison to other places. They were inspired by the culture of royalty and aristocracy which led to thinking noble like having a deep appreciation for luxury. This made them create impactful jewellery and leading trends. Copper was the first metal that came into existence through which we as humans got so many jewellery items.  However, the major focus on jewellery came when they discovered gold. This allowed the Egyptian to rule as the first jewellery maker. The ancient Egyptians valued adornment and were worn by both men and women.  Material and metals: The plethora of material which was used in the making of this Egyptian jewellery was basically gold and silver. Egyptian has mostly attracted towards gold and the availability of silver was less in Egypt as compared to any other place. The colour variation was due to the mixing of elements such as alloys like copper, iron, silver into gold.  Charm jewellery: It was then also an interesting concept to have charms in necklaces, bracelets and other jewellery items. It’s just they were made up of stones and precious or semi-precious jewellery. In this picture above the necklace is adorned with precious stones in different charms shapes. Gem and stones: The more royal pieces of Egyptian jewellery were adorned with the precious jewellery items. The gemstones were semi-precious stones, precious stones are other various gems. The most prized stone were lapis lazuli, rock crystal, and pearls. Emeralds were also found in these jewellery pieces. These were made from ground quartz and then molded into expensive gemstones. They are also used as charm jewellery when molded or carved in different shapes.
    • Congratulations! Where you are you getting married? 
    • It’s my wedding five months from now and we badly need ideas because everyone’s mind is not working right now and I, as the bride, cannot even think of what I really want to have on my wedding day. I want something simple yet unique. Something that suits for Colombian women and bride. Can you help me out with this? Thanks! I will really appreciate your comments!
    • I know it is really tough job to get everything at best cost. I would like to suggest to contact local wedding planner or decorators to get the quotes. It will take some time but by comparing different quotes you will get the best package.
  • Topics

×