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how to ask or suggest for only money as a wedding gift

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#61 SSNM

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    Posted 13 August 2009 - 10:38 AM

    Originally Posted by michelle6114
    Ok I am pretty speechless after reading some of these replies. There is no gracious way to ask for money. Wishing wells, money trees, poems, ect just all shriek """""GIMEEGIMMEE"""". If I got any invite of the kind, I would show up with a tacky plastic frame just to prove my point. It is not the guests responsibility to donate toward a house payment, honeymoon, or anything else. Some guests take pleasure by shopping for a wedding gift for a married couple, they feel they made a heartfelt choice in picking out what they did.
    I personally HATE gift shopping as I never know if what I am getting is actually needed/appreciated. And I would really be hurt if after hours of pining over a gift, it turned out the couple didn't really care for it and got rid of it. Personally I think money is the most convenient gift anyway but it is a direct exposure to the value of your gift and if I didn't feel like I could give a 'respectable amount' then I would not go to the wedding -- that is the risk you run if you ask for money gifts.

    I recently got an invite to an engagement party where the invite said something to the effect of "if you insist on bringing a gift, you may bring a bottle of wine as we are starting a wine collection." I don't know if the gift etiquette is different for engagement parties but I appreciated the direction on what to get the couple. It saved me HOURS of trying to figure it out for myself, and now I know they will appreciate what I give them. I certainly didn't feel offended; it is much better that they did that than me bringing something useless to clutter their home with.

    #62 Sloan

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      Posted 13 August 2009 - 11:08 AM

      Originally Posted by babiexoxo
      I was a bit annoyed. Considering the same "friend" couldnt be bothered to send back the RSVP for my own wedding or phone or send an email saying congrats or hey I cant come. I wasnt able to make their wedding, so tacky as it may be I didnt send the RSVP back or bother to get her a "monetary gift". Tit for tat. Im a vindictive bitch and dont care.

      #63 SillyGirl

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        Posted 16 August 2009 - 06:07 PM

        3) DO NOT take a gift TO a wedding. (Even envelopes.)
        Perhaps not an American etiquette rule but it is traditionally done in my area of Canada and among our polish friends (mostly envelopes in this regard)

        If you are not Spanish, DO NOT have a money dance. And never, never, never start a money dance for yourself (ie asking a DJ to start it, or including it in your wedding schedule) no matter what your culture is!

        Some other European cultures do it as well.

        Actually I found it to be a scheduled in quite a few itineraries for the MC, which is designed by the B&G, so technically they don't start it, the MC does, but its hair splitting.

        #64 NyBeachBride

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          Posted 12 September 2009 - 04:46 PM

          Originally Posted by Sloan
          I was a bit annoyed. Considering the same "friend" couldnt be bothered to send back the RSVP for my own wedding or phone or send an email saying congrats or hey I cant come. I wasnt able to make their wedding, so tacky as it may be I didnt send the RSVP back or bother to get her a "monetary gift". Tit for tat. Im a vindictive bitch and dont care.
          hahahaha i prob would have done the same thing just cuz they didnt rsvp to mines lol

          #65 NyBeachBride

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            Posted 12 September 2009 - 04:48 PM

            oh, just to through this in there, just doing a DW is throwing alot of "etiquette" out the window anyways!

            #66 CanadianLindsey

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              Posted 17 April 2010 - 07:10 PM

              Originally Posted by JCrosby
              Personally, I feel weird mentioning gifts for a DW at all. The way I see it, people are spending hundreds of dollars on a DW anyway so I don't even want to think about them spending more on gifts. I'm sure most people will give gifts but I don't even really feel comfortable registering. Just my two cents.
              Agreed!!! I'd be offended if I received a DW invite that asked for money. We specifically told our guests that them coming to our wedding is already an amazing act of friendship and love, no gifts needed.

              #67 Mere

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                Posted 17 April 2010 - 07:15 PM

                My friends and family know that we only want contributions to the weddingmoon. At my shower-they are giving me a money tree. I have a honeymoon fund website set up, but no luck with it. We are going-just the two of us. I tell people not to get anything, but they insist on doing something-we will see when the date gets closer.

                #68 sweetluna

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                  Posted 18 April 2010 - 07:10 AM

                  I think it's outdated to think of asking for money as "tacky". Although I do agree that it has to be done with some grace, I believe we're moving into a society that is readily doing away with old traditions.
                  Let's face it, anyone who is anyone knows to bring a gift to a wedding. So why not acknowledge it?? I'm not throwing a wedding for the gifts/money and given that my FI and I have been together for 5 years, the people who matter in my life understand that. I think it's tacky to invite people to your wedding who are not actively involved in your life because that IS a gift grab. So I only invited those who are important to my FI and me.
                  As for how we did things, I used my wedding website and acknowledged that we know it is customary for gifts to be given at a wedding. However, those who were joining us in Jamaica all we wanted was their presence because of the cost associated with travel. For those who were staying back and joining us for the reception, we suggested gift cards and provided a list of stores available in our city. (The reception is being held in a different province because that's where my family is from and I don't have the luggage space to return with kettles, pots & pans, etc... my FI and I have lived together for 3 years & have our own home so we're all set)

                  Basically, I agree with some of the other posters, as a gift giver I want to KNOW what the couple could use because I HATE to waste my money on something they are going to return or have sit in a closet not being used. Today more & more couples are living together before getting married so cash or gift cards are the way to go.

                  #69 Thomasjsgirl

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                    Posted 18 April 2010 - 10:14 AM

                    When we were planning our wedding, I made it clear to anyone who would listen that (a) we were already combining 2 households and didn't need anything!, and (B) for those coming with us to our DW, that WAS their present. Nevertheless, we still got pressured by those not coming, so we caved and registered for china and crystal, as that was the only thing we didn't have. Well, after all was said and done, about half of the people that came with us gave us a monetary gift anyway, and hardly any of those who pressured us to register actually bought anything from the registry! Did this happen to anyone else? I was more than a little surprised at the whole thing and it left me with a sour taste in my mouth
                    Lucy & Tom - Married 24.11.08
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                    #70 MDLady

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                      Posted 20 April 2010 - 11:24 AM

                      I've thought about this but as others said, just couldn't get myself to ask for money.

                      We didn't really need much and since our guests were traveling and our resort was quite pricey, I told everyone that gifts were optional since their presence was already enough of a gift for us. I did have people asking for a registry, especially those who could not attend so I ended up putting a small one together (under 20 items). Then for my bridal shower guests ended up getting gifts. My family gave me cash which they know is much more needed :) But I didn't want to ask them.

                      I like the poem idea but it is still asking guests for money. I would be too embarrassed to do so.

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