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Accidentally offended FMIL...


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#1 sarafish81

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    Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:00 PM

    Saturday was my bridal shower hosted by my cousin at my mom's place. FI's mom and sisters live out of town but came in which was awesome since the families have not met yet.
    Everything was going fine until I started to open gifts. I should mention that we did not register anywhere, and were not looking for gifts at all. Our wedding is VERY small and most people at the shower were not invited to the wedding. I realize that that is not considered proper etiquette, however, my mom really wanted to do a shower for those not invited to the wedding to wish us well, and people wanted to do something for us. So we did end up getting gifts after all and money as well.
    Anyhow, as I thought was standard practice, I had someone (my cousin in this instance), write down what the gift was on the accompanying card. This makes it easier to write out your thank you cards, does it not?
    Anyhow, we had a good mix of money and actual gifts. My first "money" gift was from FI's mom. I looked at her and thanked her and passed the card with the money in it to my cousin. A few more cards with money came around and a few more cards with gifts came around and each time, I would hand the card to my cousin to sort out and ensure that I knew which gift came from which person. My cousin would usually hand the card back to me so that people could read the cards, however, it seems that she forgot to hand me my FMIL's card to hand out.
    My FMIL was very offended and told my FI about it later and how she felt slighted. In my defense, I think there were a few cards that didn't get sent around, and also, my cousin had written the amount of the monetary gift on the card. I thought it was bad taste to pass around a card with the amount of cash written on it....especially in this case where the card right after my FMIL's card contained more money and it could potentially be embarrassing.
    I talked to my cousin and she said that there were a few cards not passed around but she was kind enough to suggest I blame it on her and say that she wasn't thinking that it would have been better to write cash gifts on a separate piece of paper. So now I am sending out thank you cards and I'm wondering if I should mention it at all? My FI thinks the whole thing is ridiculous but I just feel awful that I offended her when I had no idea what was happening....
    I did give her a big hug when she left and thanked her for coming and I'm wondering if a thank you card for her gift will suffice or if I should mention the card issue?

    #2 tylersgirl

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      Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:05 PM

      IMO I think she is acting ridiculous. I would apologize anyway and let her know that you didn't mean to offend her in any way at all.

      #3 BachataBride

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        Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:06 PM

        Wow...some people can be so sensitive. I wouldn't mention it in the card unless you could keep it short & light (sorry about the card mix up!), but I dont' think she would be ok with short & light. I do however think you should address it. You don't want to have bad relations with her because of something so silly! Will you be seeing her anytime soon? If not, you should definitely call her & tell her that FI told you she was upset & then explain the situation (as your friend suggested!). She may not be that upset now, or maybe your explanation may be what she needs. If not, and she's still po'd about it then I wouldn't worry about it - you did what you could & some people just need a reason to bitch! lol

        #4 Betsy

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          Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:08 PM

          I don't think you need to feel bad, it wasn't your fault at all! It was a simple mistake and if it would make you feel better maybe just call her and let her know it was not intentional. I wouldn't let it bother you too much, seriously......

          #5 Kristy!

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            Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:07 PM

            Oh the petty things in life. Just blame it on your cousin forgetting to hand you the card like she said. Say that you didn't realize it, but later when your FI told you that she had mentioned it, say you were disappointed because it was such a lovely card. Blah blah blah. You really didn't do anyhting wrong, but sometimes you just have to put these little fires out before they escalate.

            #6 boscobel

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              Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:09 PM

              Sounds like an overreaction to me. However, weddings aren't just stressful for us, as brides. The Mothers of the bride and groom sometimes also get really stressed out. So even if she is over-reacting, it would be nice if you could smooth it over. But I wouldn't put it in the card. I like Amanda's idea of giving her a quick call and explaining the situation.

              #7 jax_the_beach_bride

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                Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:22 PM

                I also agree, maybe just talk it over with her and explain that it was not something you did on purpose.. also throw in there that you really appreciated that she came especially because she had to travel from out of town!.. this way she knows you appreciated her efforts and it was really just a silly mistake :).. hope that helps

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                #8 jax_the_beach_bride

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                  Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:22 PM

                  I also agree, maybe just talk it over with her and explain that it was not something you did on purpose.. also throw in there that you really appreciated that she came especially because she had to travel from out of town!.. this way she knows you appreciated her efforts and it was really just a silly mistake :).. hope that helps

                  Mr. & Mrs. Reid
                  All my life, I prayed for someone like you... and I thank God that I finally found you!


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                  #9 YoursTruly

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                    Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:37 PM

                    IMO in-laws are so over-rated and people way too sensitive...I would for face sake, point it out just to clear the air...

                    #10 ~Nicole~

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                      Posted 23 March 2009 - 03:50 PM

                      oh geez, that sounds so petty! I agree with the others that a quick phone call to her would probably clear the air. Then at least she knows that you took the time to address it and are being sensitive to her feelings... but really i think she's making a big deal out of NOTHING! Good luck and don't let it bother you!
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