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Am I overthinking things???

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#1 nikkib

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    Posted 17 February 2009 - 02:38 PM

    So, last night, my FI and I were talking about wedding plans, and I asked him if he had any preferences as to any details about the wedding. What he told me is, "You can do whatvever you want, just tell me when to show up." Initially, after he made that statement, I was very happy, but now I sort of feel like he doesn't care about the wedding as much as I do, or would like him to.

    So... am I overthinking the whole situation, or should I just be grateful that I can do things my way without another opinion (in addition to those being constantly given by my family and friends).

    I just want the day to be as special to him as it is to me...



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      Posted 17 February 2009 - 02:45 PM

      Funny, my DH said the exact same thing about not wanting to be involved in planning, but in reality, he was in on sooo many decisions that I thought only I was going to make! LOL

      I'm sure your FI cares about the wedding but some grooms feel that the wedding is just for/all about the bride and as a result they take a back seat & aren't interested in the small details, even if we don't think the details are minor!

      I'd tell him exactly how you feel in that its his day too & you want him involved & when you start planning some things, just include him in the process & get his opinon. If you see that he's letting you have your way most of the time, it may be hard not to get upset but just take it as he wants you to be happy & have what you want!

      In the end, although we didn't always have the same opinion, it was nice to share things with DH since family & friends always seemed to have differing views. It was our wedding so it only seemed right that we were both involved.

      #3 Geralyn

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        Posted 17 February 2009 - 02:45 PM

        I just got in a fight with fi the other day over exactly this...he doesn't realize how much work and effort actually goes into the wedding. He also thinks that we just show up and everything is done. I don't mind that he is not doing as much as I am...I just want him to know how much work I am actually putting into this

        #4 nikkib

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          Posted 17 February 2009 - 02:47 PM

          Thanks ladies. Its always reassuring to know that you aren't the only one going through these issues.

          #5 *Lo*

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            Posted 17 February 2009 - 02:48 PM

            I had a conversation with my FI to find out how much involvement he wanted, so that we wouldn't fight about it in the future. He said he will do whatever stuff I ask him to do, he just wants me to have my dream wedding. So basically he was saying whatever decisions I make he will be fine with.

            Maybe it's just more that he doesn't want to interfere with the stuff you are planning and wants it to be your special day?

            I don't know guys are weird. Maybe ask him if you assign him a few things to do, if he wouldn't mind doing them? I am sure he will be happy to help out!

            #6 binzer

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              Posted 17 February 2009 - 02:54 PM

              No matter what your fiance isn't going to get as excited over the details as you. Most men aren't going to get as excited over flowers or centerpieces, and that's a hard thing to force. That being said, the way he worded his response sounds a bit lazy. Try asking his opinion on something and see how it goes (for example, get something on your list of things to organize down to two choices, and tell him you can't make up your mind and want his input).

              Generally I find my fiance is better for validating my choices than he is for making them. I figure out what I think I want, and then say "I'm thinking of doing this...what do you think?" The only thing he's majorly helped with is choosing songs, b/c I don't want to pick music he hates.

              I think most guys just want to get married. Really, the wedding itself is always more about the bride (girls usually spend forever obsessing over the dress...guys often just go rent a tux). I think it's worth getting mad if he's not willing to give any input when you ask him about something specific, but I doubt he's going to get really into planning, and that's not necessarily a bad thing b/c if it's not his thing, he would probably be bad at it.

              Just think about the girl to guy ratio on this forum, and it should give you a good indication of how into wedding planning men are! If it bothers you still, talk to him about it, and you'll probably find that he does care about the wedding, but that marrying you is the only important detail (and is he wrong? I think us girls get a little too caught up in little things that don't really matter).

              #7 Jacilynda

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                Posted 17 February 2009 - 09:09 PM

                Most men just aren't really interested in wedding planning. Personally i don't mind, cause he says do whatever so that means I can spend whatever! LOL just kidding I have a budget spreadsheet. My FI says this all the time. But he says that about everything. He hasn't done anything for the wedding, except give me money, which in the end in a sense is everything! I've even asked his GM to be GM. I just realize that that is the way it is. I still ask him about stuff and he usually says ya thats fine, but he has said no twice so thats how I know he cares. I even asked about buying another dress and he said he didn't care, but same budget applies for the second dress. I have gotten upset once and told him I want him to at least give input and his input was "I don't care what music you play, what decorations, if its all pink, the number of GM or BM, who sits where, how we sit, what we eat, what kind of cake, OOT bags, or any of that. All i care about is that you are there, happy, and marrying me." It was so sweet I don't bother him about helping out anymore. I still ask him questions just in case he wants to say no.

                #8 punkie569

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                  Posted 17 February 2009 - 09:26 PM

                  I think you've got some pretty good advice on here so far. I wouldn't worry about it too much and just try to get him as involved as he can be. Don't ask him what he wants but let him help you make the final decision. Chances are he's going to want what you want anyway and he can just validate your decision for you. My FI can never come up with anything but he's really good at helping me come to a final decision after I've narrowed down choices. Honestly I think it works out better that way cuz in the end I'm getting things done my way which of course is the best and only way
                  Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love

                  #9 beachbride2009

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                    Posted 18 February 2009 - 01:47 PM

                    Yes, there is some great advice on here. Just know that as the planning and time goes along, he'll be there to help reassure you're making the right choices!

                    #10 Jen_S

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                      Posted 18 February 2009 - 01:51 PM

                      You still have a lot of time. A year ago my FI was like do what you want, however when the wedding got closer he had a lot of opinions and ideas which was so helpful.
                      Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

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