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How do I include FI's 3 sisters?? (long)

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#11 ashrose

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    Posted 10 August 2009 - 05:36 PM

    Oh Lordy... its been a while since I posted this topic.... and I wish, 6 months later, that I had a better understanding of how to include the ladies in the day.

    I'm really leaning towards having a neuter party - I have some guy friends that I was really super close to before my FI an I got together... they really did a good job of protecting my heart and treating me like a sister. And while we know that's what they did, I still can't get over the fact that it would appear that I have best friends who are male (which is NOT what we want to portray)... though it would allow him to have his sisters be his supporters (he doesn't have a ton of man friends).

    Other things I've thought through include the fact that there are several jobs in a wedding:

    Usher, Greeter, Reader, Singer, Communion Server

    Could his sister's do those things?

    Could his sisters walk him down the aisle? You could even have them get matching dresses - maybe in one of your contrasting colors. I've thought about doing this and only have the maid of honor/best man stand up there with us during the ceremony.

    Could you have his sister's "host" one of the parties? I thought about having his sisters host the cocktail hour -- let them pick out the apps or at least have a big say in it... and then do something special to honor them... and they can give sisterly toasts to thier brother/the couple.

    One of the major things I've been thinking about is... why do people want to be in the bridal party anyway? I'm not talking about friends who love you... but the other people. Why? It comes at a higher cost and it comes with way more responsibility. Plus, you end up in a ton of pictures wearing an outfit you likely wont get to pick. At the reception you have duties and are likely forced to sit with the bridal party instead of a group of friends/family you may be more comfortable with. There are so many bridesmaid horror stories that I just don't get why someone who doesn't love you would want to be one of your bridesmaids.

    I understand the point that it is the sister's who love the groom. But seriously - I don't think anyone questions that at a wedding... and quite frankly, the most attention I pay to the bridal party during a wedding is to look at their dresses/hairstyles and how it complements the decor....and to look at their names and relationship to the couple. After that... its all about the couple.

    Problem is... who wants to be the bridezilla who says "gosh, I know you only are throwing a fit about this because you want attention and you want to make this day about you ... but I just want to remind you that while we love you, the day is about us making a committment to each other. Simmer down and take a seat in the audience."

    Bunch of random thoughts, I know... but I've been thinking about this for about 6 months. :)

    #12 big3n09

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      Posted 11 August 2009 - 12:30 AM

      WOW! FI doen't want a bridal party and I kinda can compromise and just have my sister but he doesn't even want that and I think he is being unfair. I also think there is an underlying reason whay he doesn't even want her in it and he just isn't saying and I'm really having mixed feelings about the whole bridal party thing right now.
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      #13 ~Jessica~

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        Posted 11 August 2009 - 10:08 AM

        I would recommend using them as Ushers and to help walk him down the aisle. You want your wedding day to be a happy occassion and even as nice as you are trying to be the last thing you want on YOUR day is people standing up beside you that call you names and are nasty to you. Surround yourself with people who really love you, not people who try to get you down. Let them be included by helping the groom, who is there brother and they have no problem with him. I am not including my FSIL in any way, she doesn't deserve it at all, in reality she is lucky she is being invited. But since you really want to try to make amends include them but not in ways that affect you.

        #14 BlakleyBrideToBe

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          Posted 11 August 2009 - 10:09 AM

          I would give them trash pick up duty!

          #15 caribbeanLover

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            Posted 12 August 2009 - 04:07 PM

            I too am having bridal party problems. My MOH says she'll be there for sure but she has such money issues (it's so bad she's ponds things like stero, cell phone) and that her and her bf (which is suppose to be one my my FI Groosmen) are only booking a month before we leave for our wedding (little worried) especially since I have to give 2 witness's passport 3 months before we leave for all the paper work. My FI also doesn't have allot of close friends. The one he thinks is the cloest, said he'd been the best man but he can't go to the wedding and he can't throw him a party because of money issues. So now the FI doesn't want to ask anyone else in respect. But he also wants to wait to see who will rsvp yes, then ask!! Mean while I really wanted to have 3 girls 3 guys.. or 2 girls 2 guys. But I can't even figure that out.
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            #16 mich999

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              Posted 12 August 2009 - 06:43 PM

              Ashrose - I have a couple thoughts, for what it's worth:

              1. My DH has 3 sisters and I didn't give any of them a special role. His neice and nephew were the flower girl/ring bearer but the sisters had no official role. I completely agree with you - why would someone want to be a bridesmaid if they don't have a special relationship with the bride. I had my 5 friends that were always going to me BMs and it was not an option to add 3 more IMO. Perhaps they were upset, who knows, I talked about it with DH but he was fine with them being guests only - the day was about us not them and if they care abut you and your FI, they should realize that too.

              2. That being said, I know you want to include them and it is an all or nothing proposition. I don't think giving them responsibility before the ceremony works, because that just seems like you're getting help from them but not honoring them at the ceremony itself. If you are determined to include all 3, I would have 3 readings, instead of 2 and have each do one- they don't have to be long, but it lets each have a moment in the spotlight during the ceremony and gives them a special place on the program. Another option is to have each bring one of the components of the sand ceremony up to you at the approriate time and also acknowledge it on the program.

              If you are set on this, I think the key is to offer them something to do during the ceremony, anything else could be interpreted as a slight - I'm not saying it should be - I'm just painting a worst case scenario for people who are obviously disposed towards unjustifiably thinking the worst of you. Like others said, I probably wouldn't bother with them, but I understand your need to still try. Good luck!

              #17 Stina4242

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                Posted 03 November 2009 - 10:58 AM

                I am in the same situation. Well, I don't think mine are quite as cruel. Just don't like how opiniated I am....
                Anyway, I am hoping to find a way to include them too.
                Also, I was trying to think of little gifts to get everyone that helps me along the way. I know one of the sisters is going to be helping me with a lot of DIY stuff so I want to get her a little something. If other people don't help I don't think I should get them anything. I don't know if that sounds fair or not....?

                #18 simba1234

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                  Posted 03 November 2009 - 01:16 PM

                  My FI has FOUR sisters... my situation is a little bit different from yours because I have an amazing relationship with all of them. I've been really blessed in that they're great and I'm close to all of them. That being said, I do NOT want a huge bridal party and I do not plan to include all of them becuase then I would have like 7 bridesmaids which I think is complete overkill for a DW.

                  My FI and I agreed that I would make his older sister a bridesmaid and use the excuse that we wanted a small bridal party (since it's a small wedding) and we could only include one, so we went with the oldest to be fair. My FI is making my guy cousin a groomsman (that's another issue altogether which I addressed in another thread). I really want my guy cousin to be my 'man of honor' but he may end up standing on my FI's side as a groomsmen.

                  We're telling everyone that my FI is choosing someone from his fam to be one of my bridesmaids and I'm choosing someone from my fam to be one of his groomsmen. ONE person only from each side. That way the burden is on him if someone from his family gets upset & same with my fam:) I chose my guy cousin as a groomsmen and he chose his sister as a bridesmaid... We're all around the same age and the sisters are only like a year or two apart so it's really just an out for us. It's a coincidence that my cousin & his sis are the oldest AND also the one's we're closest to but we're using the fact that they're the oldest as our excuse...

                  You said you get along best with the older sis so maybe you can say that you're choosing her because she's the oldest... would that work?

                  #19 amandseth

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                    Posted 03 November 2009 - 03:44 PM

                    I bought my SIL and FI's sister the same gifts I bought for my wedding party. They weren't expecting any type of gift, and were very happy to receive them!
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                    #20 IrishgirlinNY

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                      Posted 03 November 2009 - 05:02 PM

                      I would not put them in the wedding. The role of maid of honor and bridesmaids should be for people that mean something to you. This is your wedding and they are there for you. I would try to involve them somehow. I would not have them wear the same dresses. Are you having commnion? My fiance has 2 sisters-in-law. I am planning on having them do some kind of reading. They arent wearing the dress or anything, but will be involved in the ceremony. If there are people you want in your wedding party and your fiance isnt keen on one, thats a tough situation. My fiance isnt big on a wedding party either. I feel like I HAVE to have certain people in it. There are people that have been there all my life and have to celebrate this with me. Even if you werent planning on having readings, I would probably do 3 short ones just to keep to how you feel. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Good luck with everything.

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