Jump to content

Photo

How do I include FI's 3 sisters?? (long)


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 ashrose

ashrose
  • Jr. Member
  • 422 posts

    Posted 07 February 2009 - 07:20 AM

    Hey Ladies... I'm kind of in a pickle and was hoping you could give me some ideas for including my three future sisters in law in the wedding - ideally without being in the bridal party.

    Here's the back story:

    I believe that one of the primary purposes of a wedding is to honor the family and community that has shaped the couple as the two communities merge and become one.

    That being said, I do believe that I have a "duty" (that's really the wrong word... since I want to...) to include my 3 FSIL in the wedding.

    ...but that being said, the three girls have been less than kind to me for MOST of my relationship with FI. I've been called dirty names to my face and behind my back. Family gatherings are always less than pleasant. Two of his sisters are younger than me and I know a lot of this is "immaturity" but its getting old, fast... especially since FI is the second sibling to be headed towards marriage. His eldest sister has, especially in the last 6 months, really made an effort to get to know me, and of the three I actually wouldn't mind her being in the bridal party.

    But it is probably all wrong to include one of the sisters and not the other two.

    I already have a fairly large number of girls for the bridal party: my sister, my step-sister (I guess she would be a Jr. Bridesmaid), my childhood best friend, my current roomate, and a girl from church. My maid of honor is still to be determined because the girl I really want may or may not be coming to the wedding. So that leaves me with 4-6 girls NOT including the three FSIL. I think a 7-9 girl bridal party is WAY WAY overkill for a DW.

    FI on the other hand doesn't have a ton of close guy friends and while I think we'll be able to pull together the nessecary guys to even it out, I know for a fact FI doesn't want to have ladies on his side (or a mix of girls/boys).

    None of FI's sisters sing... nor are they appropriate for readings (is it rude to say that they dont talk well?).

    We are looking at having between 50-60 people down in Cancun with us.

    So... what do I do?

    I've had all sorts of ideas running through my head and I'm just super stuck on what to do. The best idea I've had was to have all the girls walk in down the aisle and then all but the MOH/BM sit down... but then what's the point of having them?

    Any ideas would be really really really helpful. I really do want to honor the girls, even though I don't like them because I'd like to offer a gift so they know their brother is marrying a gracious woman... I think it will go a long way in the future.

    I just don't know I feel like there aren't any great options here.


    Help!

    #2 Hartyt509

    Hartyt509
    • Sr. Member
    • 2,262 posts

      Posted 07 February 2009 - 07:34 AM

      You're too nice I wouldn't include the cows if it was me lol in fact one of FI's sisters has been banned from the wedding as she is a bloody disgrace.

      If you include them it won't change their attitude to you, switch off from them and say to yourself they aren't worth jack shit and you don't need to prove anything to them.

      Everyone that loves you knows you are gracious you don't need prove it to a bunch of loons xxx

      #3 tylersgirl

      tylersgirl
      • Sr. Member
      • 1,681 posts

        Posted 07 February 2009 - 10:00 AM

        My advice to you is to either include none of them or include all of them. IMO if I was in your situation I would personally do the first. BM's are supposed to be girls that treat you very nicely. Sounds like the immature twosome don't treat you well! Hope that helps. Good luck!

        #4 Sloan

        Sloan
        • Sr. Member
        • 1,279 posts

          Posted 07 February 2009 - 10:48 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Hartyt509
          You're too nice I wouldn't include the cows if it was me lol in fact one of FI's sisters has been banned from the wedding as she is a bloody disgrace.

          If you include them it won't change their attitude to you, switch off from them and say to yourself they aren't worth jack shit and you don't need to prove anything to them.

          Everyone that loves you knows you are gracious you don't need prove it to a bunch of loons xxx

          Ditto. I wouldnt bother trying to appease bitchy in-laws.

          #5 Kristy!

          Kristy!

            VIP Member

          • VIP Member
          • 6,368 posts

            Posted 09 February 2009 - 04:14 PM

            Put them in charge of the guest book. That is the WORST job!

            #6 ashrose

            ashrose
            • Jr. Member
            • 422 posts

              Posted 09 February 2009 - 05:12 PM

              Yeah I know I *shouldn't* involve them... but I still want to. I want to make an effort.

              I flew one of his sister's up here, on my own dime, so she could be at our engagement party. That was the best 200 dollars I've ever spent because that's when his sister's turned a corner and started to make an effort to get to know me.

              Besides, if I can keep them busy doing something, then they will be less inclined to get drunk before the wedding, which is certainly a potential problem.

              I know I should ignore them or give them a crappy job... but I do want to involve them in some meaningful way. Any other ideas?

              #7 -Kate-

              -Kate-
              • VIP Member
              • 7,676 posts

                Posted 09 February 2009 - 05:18 PM

                Just give them bouquets/corsages - something to make them stand out but it doesn't require them to do anything.

                #8 Sapphire723

                Sapphire723
                • Member
                • 888 posts

                  Posted 09 February 2009 - 05:28 PM

                  Are you doing a sand ceremony? You could put them in charge of that or have them stand up along with the rest of their immediate family as a "this is our family blending with your family" sort of gesture.

                  Or you could have them announce the first dance since a lot of the DW DJs don't emcee. Or you could have them usher or pass out favors or help guide people from the wedding to reception/cocktail hour.

                  #9 DRod0214

                  DRod0214
                  • Jr. Member
                  • 173 posts

                    Posted 09 August 2009 - 02:35 PM

                    HELP!! i know this has been a while, and i reads everyones ideas, but I TOO am very stuck in this pickle; but I don't have any problems with my Future sister in laws; i just wanted a small bridal party and i already have three and them three would make six, and we already ordered the dresses. WHAT CAN I DO, THIS SUCKS
                    Diane

                    #10 brandynd

                    brandynd
                    • Jr. Member
                    • 221 posts

                      Posted 09 August 2009 - 04:40 PM

                      I have a similar issue. FI has two sisters, one of which is wonderful towards me, the other which is just like his mother....difficult, distant, and cold, but that's an entirely different story. There was no way to have sister 1 and not sister 2, so what we've decided to do is involve them more in the planning stage by asking for their help on small projects and inviting their input. I also bought the girls matching necklaces from tiffany's (which I found on sale for $60....great steal) as a way to thank them.
                      Also, since both girls husbands are going to be FI's groomsmen, they will be seated at our head table, both at the small reception in Mexico, and at our larger AHR upon return.
                      I hope that this helps you out even a little. It's a tough situation to be in. Try to keep a smile on your face, and to make them feel as involved as possible, without having to have them be in your wedding party.
                      There is no better gift that can be given than the gift of ones self.




                      0 user(s) are reading this topic

                      0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users