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Advice Pleaseeee!! (Before I over or under react!)


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#1 sstotz

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    Posted 05 February 2009 - 12:39 PM

    Today is the 135 day marker before I tie the knot.

    My MOH called last week (a day before my birthday) and left a message saying she had some "conflicts" with my wedding date (she's known about it for a year and a half)..
    I got to my phone right as it said new voicemail, and listened.. nervous, I called her right back. She didn't answer (which, I kind of expected because her voicemail ended with her yelling "HOLD ON!" and she was obviously busy..)
    I left her a message saying that I'm here the rest of the day, so call and we'll try to work whatever the conflict is out, and not to worry.

    That was one week ago, and I haven't heard from her.

    I got an email from a foundation we are both apart of saying how they are going to personally send a petition to the June 2009 commission meeting, blah blah blah.. and then I saw her name on it..meaning SHE was going to be there hand delivering this petition.. curious, I searched the web to find the exact dates and its the whole week of my wedding (LOVELY).

    -------------now I need some advice.
    My FI hasnt been to found of her lack of commitment lately,...and said pretty much "screw her,..she obviously isnt that great of a friend if she is being shady by not calling you back, and chosing something else over our wedding day which shes known about for over a year..."
    I don't know how to approach this. On one hand, yes, I'm hurt and upset that shes waited all this time (and still waiting) to clue me in, pretty much avoiding the topic..I just want to scream!
    On the other hand, its for charity...something she's deeply involved in.. crap! I don't want to feel selfish or anything like that, but ....crap!

    I have absolutely know idea what to do about a new MOH because my BMs are all pretty much a tie, and I don't want to promote one over the other and make the others feel weird.. I know some of you may say,.. you dont necessarily NEED a MOH, but I want to experience all the things that come along with my wedding... a bachelorette party, a shower.. you only get married once, ya know??

    Anyway,.. if you were in my shoes, how would you handle this.. before I make the call. THANK YOU LADIES!!
    ~Soon to be Shanny May
    June 20th, 2009
    Cabo San Lucas, MX

    http://ticker.7910.o....nRkb3duISE.gif

    #2 Yari

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      Posted 05 February 2009 - 12:44 PM

      Well, it is very selfish to agree to be in your wedding as MOH to later take on another event which will not allow her to attend your wedding. In my opinion she is not that great of a friend for doing this to you.

      I know it would be hard to do, but I would call her out on it.

      Regarding on picking a new MOH, if you really want one, then ask both of your current maids to be MOH's...is one married? Then you can have a Matron and Maid of Honor.

      #3 Betsy

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        Posted 05 February 2009 - 12:45 PM

        I think the first thing you should do is keep calling her so you can find out exactly what is going on. Honestly that is kind of shady of her to plan something else and then avoid you. At least if you call her and get her side of the story then you can start making different arrangements. I don't think you are going to feel much better until you guys talk. As far as the MOH thing do you have a sister or other family member you would want to use as your MOH? I hope you get ahold of her soon!

        #4 kate.com

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          Posted 05 February 2009 - 12:45 PM

          Wow, that stinks.
          Do you have this girls email? Maybe you should send her an email like this post. Tell her what you know, how you feel, and how stressed out you are that she hasnt returned your call.
          Leave you FI out of it. Tell her that you love her no matter what (even if you are mad at her) Give her a little guilt trip.
          You can post it on this thread if you want some proof readers:)

          #5 calchik

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            Posted 05 February 2009 - 12:49 PM

            i personally would be pissed if my MOH knew about my wedding for over a year and then picked something else to do instead of be a part of your big day. and on top of that evading you to talk about it. being a MOH should be an honor to her that she is the one person that you picked to play such a big role on one of the most important days of your life.

            if i were you, definetly hunt her down and clarify what's happening. talk this out but based on her behaviour it might be best if you pick someone else. how much help or support is she going to be if you end up sticking with her? she obviously hasn't made this a big priority of hers.

            as for picking someone else, my FI had to do a coin toss for his best man cuz he couldn't pick. he had both guys there, explained why they're both important to him, how he'd love to have both but can't. then let fate and coin toss decide. i don't think it'll hurt anyone's feelings if you pick a name out of a hat or something like that after explaining they're equally important to you

            #6 sstotz

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              Posted 05 February 2009 - 01:10 PM

              thanks for such fast responses ladies!

              any way I go about it, it's gonna suck. :'-(

              (I like the coin toss idea since I have no sisters, and my BMs are single)
              ~Soon to be Shanny May
              June 20th, 2009
              Cabo San Lucas, MX

              http://ticker.7910.o....nRkb3duISE.gif

              #7 boscobel

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                Posted 05 February 2009 - 01:15 PM

                Ok, first, I think you do need to call her and put her on the spot. You need to know, so that you can move on with your plans.

                Second, you don't need a "MOH", you can still have the bridal shower, bachelorette and all that good stuff without one. Just have a talk with your other BM's and say that so-and-so is no longer able to make it to the DW, so you ask that they all step up to handle the MOH duties. So I guess that means, you can ask them all to be your MOH. I have seen plenty of weddings were there are more then 1 MOH. And especially if you have the same level of friendship and don't want to hurt feelings, it's a good work-around.

                Good luck!!

                #8 tylersgirl

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                  Posted 05 February 2009 - 01:21 PM

                  That is great advice Carly! I agree with just not having a MOH. You do need to call her and make her say yes or no. If this is any indication how she is going to act as your MOH you might not even want her there anyway IMO =) Good luck and keep us posted on what she says.

                  #9 tylersgirl

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                    Posted 05 February 2009 - 01:21 PM

                    That is great advice Carly! I agree with just not having a MOH. You do need to call her and make her say yes or no. If this is any indication how she is going to act as your MOH you might not even want her there anyway IMO =) Good luck and keep us posted on what she says.

                    #10 sstotz

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                      Posted 05 February 2009 - 01:20 PM

                      great idea! THANK YOU!
                      ~Soon to be Shanny May
                      June 20th, 2009
                      Cabo San Lucas, MX

                      http://ticker.7910.o....nRkb3duISE.gif




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