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STD Rhyme, thoughts?


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#1 SgtPepperette

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    Posted 12 January 2009 - 12:34 AM

    So we are making up our STD's, and we wanted to do a little rhyme. Within the rhyme we wanted to basically say we are getting married, extending an invite, but understand if you cant go, and for those that cant go we are having a AHR. And we will have them RSVP, so we can get a guestimate. This is what we have come up with, but are open to suggestions. :)

    Soon we will tie the Knot
    In October when it's not so hot

    We wanted to let you know
    About this place we would like you to go

    Down in the Florida sun.
    You are welcome to join in the fun.

    We ask that you inform us.
    If you would like to join us.

    Do not feel obligated to go.
    We just wanted to let you know.

    Once the Michigan temperature rises.
    There will be a party at home with many surprises.

    #2 kennynicole

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      Posted 12 January 2009 - 01:43 AM

      That's a cute idea! I could see how that would be hard to come up with. I am going to keep thinking on this one. I like what you have going on but think it might sound a bit better if you add a few more words to some of the sections so it's not as choppy. Hope that's ok that I said that....I mean it in the kindest way. Just want to share since you asked. If you leave it as it I'm sure your guest will LOVE it!



      #3 SgtPepperette

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        Posted 12 January 2009 - 08:05 AM

        Defintely Okay! Thats why I posted it :)

        #4 ACDCDCAC

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        Posted 12 January 2009 - 10:06 AM

        gah! i'm a horrible rhymer. but it sounds cute! maybe find a way to make it a little more whimsical.

        i just added some extra words to make it less choppy, what do you think??

        Coming soon we're going to tie the knot!
        It will be in October when it's not so hot.

        Melissa and _____ wanted to let you know
        All about this place we would like you to go!

        Far away in the Florida sun,
        We would love for you to join in the fun!

        We ask that you inform us
        If you would really like to join us,

        But please don't feel obligated to go,
        We just wanted to let you know,

        Because once the Michigan temperature rises....
        There will also be a party at home with many surprises!!

        #5 SgtPepperette

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          Posted 12 January 2009 - 12:40 PM

          It is a little choppy...I really dont like this verse and would like to change it..

          Do not feel obligated to go.
          We just wanted to let you know.

          #6 BachataBride

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            Posted 12 January 2009 - 12:51 PM

            This is the verse that was getting me...

            We ask that you inform us
            If you would really like to join us,

            how about...

            We ask that you inform us in good time
            If you would really like to come - no need to rhyme!

            Or something like that...to make it a bit longer!

            #7 Kristy621

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              Posted 12 January 2009 - 01:38 PM

              We did:

              there will be sand there will be sun hope you can make our wedding it will be lots of fun.
              Please save the weekend we hope you can stay cause our wedding will be far away.
              A plane in the air will take you there, but if you can't come no need to despair, for a party at home will be our very next affair.

              and then we added the date, location and our website. We used Snapfish and made post cards.

              Cheesy but I thought it was cute and got the point across
              53 People Booked!

              #8 ACDCDCAC

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              Posted 12 January 2009 - 03:17 PM

              kristy that is cute!

              #9 SgtPepperette

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                Posted 12 January 2009 - 03:22 PM

                Thanks everyone!

                Im coming up with some great combos now :)

                #10 BachataBride

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                  Posted 12 January 2009 - 03:34 PM

                  That's great Melissa. Make sure you post the final draft!! :)




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