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Dilemma with Invites! PLEASE HELP!!


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#1 Outdoor_girl1010

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    Posted 09 January 2009 - 01:07 PM

    Here is the Dilemma we are facing the invites to the wedding. There are people we know that will be unable to come to the wedding do to money, but at the same time we think that if we dont send them an invite to them their feeling will be hurt. We standstood that have a Destination wedding there would be people who are unable to come, but we still don't want to hurt anyones feeling. How do you get around this?

    Another thing we thought about was okay well what if we just send out an invite so their feelings dont get hurt and they shock us and say yes we are coming and then our number count gets really high and now that is a huge cost to pay for the add on guests

    And then the last thing we thought was (and this is little not really that big of a deal) we send out all of these invites to people who we pretty much know won't be able to come, and now we have wasted more money on invites.

    PLEASE HELP WE ARE KINDA LOST WITH THIS!!!

    Thanks for all the help!!
    Jenn

    P.S. His Parnets will be giving us a Party when we get back so everyone will be more than welcomed at that!!!
    Cory & Jennifer
    March 13, 2010Punta Cana D.R.!!http://i150.photobuc....3/IMG_6740.jpg

    #2 sunsetbride1

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      Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:01 PM

      I think that it's up you.. maybe talk to you families to get a read on what they think is the proper thing to do. DW's are tough in the way that there isn't a formal etiquette.

      Personally, we are sending invites to everyone we want to attend; even if we know that they have previously stated that they are not attending so they feel included. That being said, we are only inviting 50 people max and we aren't doing anything in the wedding that we as a couple will be charged more for no matter how many people attend. As our wedding is at an all-inclusive and we are not having a private reception and only a private cocktail hour for the bridal party.

      #3 Erika J

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        Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:08 PM

        We are sending out invites to everyone even if we know they wont come. In my family it is way better to let them say no to us, then have them not recieve an invite and have hurt feelings.

        #4 Outdoor_girl1010

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          Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:14 PM

          Thanks you so much. I think we had planned on talking with both Fam's about this. I wish there wasnt a charge per person then I wouldn't care, But that could add up pretty fast if all the people we thought weren't gonna come said they were at $75 a person.
          Cory & Jennifer
          March 13, 2010Punta Cana D.R.!!http://i150.photobuc....3/IMG_6740.jpg

          #5 Outdoor_girl1010

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            Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:15 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Erika J
            We are sending out invites to everyone even if we know they wont come. In my family it is way better to let them say no to us, then have them not recieve an invite and have hurt feelings.
            Are you charged per person if you go over a per set number? If so how do you budget for that?
            Cory & Jennifer
            March 13, 2010Punta Cana D.R.!!http://i150.photobuc....3/IMG_6740.jpg

            #6 YoursTruly

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              Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:16 PM

              I would invite those that you can afford to have there. If someone cancels than you can substitute a few more correct?

              #7 panther

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                Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:36 PM

                We had the same problem! My FI has a few family extended family members who have indicated they are coming but we aren't sending them formal invites, because if they get formal invites we have to send them to everyone.

                We have been communicating to everyone that we are having a small intimate ceremony. We are hoping that this will give people the idea that only a small number of people will be invited. We have also put all the info on our website and are aware that there may be some people who happen to plan a vacation at the same resort at the same time as the wedding without a formal invite, and we will have to deal with them if they come.

                My sister always tells me "Its your wedding, its a destination wedding and screw tradition etiquette, its not a traditional wedding" so I am heeding her advise and doing what I want.

                #8 Erika J

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                  Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:38 PM

                  I just will have to sacrifice many other things in the budget if they all come, but I think I have a pretty good idea of who will make it and who won't.

                  There will be some people will suprise us by coming others will let us down at the last minute but I think we have a pretty good idea.

                  When we put together the names I took all the immediate family and closest of our friends, no one from work or anything.

                  I guess in the end one of our main priorities is that we wanted a big family vacation and if that means people fidn a way to save money and come, then we can find room in the budget to have them. Even if it means having less flowers or few items in the OOT bags.

                  Then I told each set of parents they could invite 5 sets of friends, or a list of must haves, my dad and FIL's gave it to me right away. My mom, not so happy about the DW told me she couldnt narrow it down like that. So I just left it alone and moved on.. she has been unhappy about the DW.

                  She is doing a little better now that I assigned her "projects". The tote bags and pashminas.

                  #9 sstotz

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                    Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:45 PM

                    Jenn,

                    We had the same issue, but found out that most people who told us they couldnt come originally still wanted invites to get us a wedding present because they were excited for our future together.. (the wedding is a little over 5 months away and I already have had two presents sent to me from guests that will not be able to make it, but still wanted to show they cared).
                    That being said,.. the extra invites didnt turn out to be money wasted. As for the extra plates,..so far pretty much everyone that said they werent going to be able to make it are sticking to it for me, and there are even some who pulled out that originally were going to..so that changes all the time. I don't know about your hotel, but my hotel gives us until 3 days before the wedding for any definite numbers for food.
                    We are also having an AHR after the wedding for the guests that cant make it to our destination wedding, and they all really appreciate it!

                    Hope that helps!
                    ~Soon to be Shanny May
                    June 20th, 2009
                    Cabo San Lucas, MX

                    http://ticker.7910.o....nRkb3duISE.gif

                    #10 Outdoor_girl1010

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                      Posted 09 January 2009 - 02:59 PM

                      I want to thank everyone so much. This has really helped. We were just a little worried about this issuse. We are somewhat planning it alround my little brother spring break with that being said alot of the Friends that we don't think would come are teacher. Then again you just dont know because of the fact that it is their spring break too.

                      I kinda think we are gonna either talk about with some of the people talking about how is gonna be small, but like someone else said we are pretty sure of the people that we think wont be able to attend so we will most likely still send out invites
                      Cory & Jennifer
                      March 13, 2010Punta Cana D.R.!!http://i150.photobuc....3/IMG_6740.jpg




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