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Want a bridal party but no one to ask

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#1 SgtPepperette

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    Posted 31 December 2008 - 12:57 PM

    This is going to sound crazy especially since I know the stress bridal partys can cause sometimes. But not neccessarily a bridal party, but just a MOH and BM.

    So my FI and I were planning on not having a bridal party. No guests either. But have changed our minds after spending the holidays with family. Now that we are inviting guests, my FI perked up and said, now I can ask my dad to be my best man.

    Heres where my insecurities come on out. I think to myself, than that means I should probably chose a MOH. Oh boy, who do I pick? I have wanted a MOH from the beginning. But the problem is I dont have anyone in my life that is that close of a friend to ask them to be my MOH. And honestly that makes me very sad. Ive had huge insecurities with this for years. Ever since my ex best friend and I parted ways years ago. Its like Ive tried to find that one friend and it just never happens.

    My family is the only people on the invite list for now, and I could never pick between my sisters. We decided to just do family, since we dont really have to many close friends. Friends of ours moved to North Carolina 2 years ago, and we have become close to them since they have moved. The wife has really been there for me these last 7 months since my dad passed. While they were visiting for the holidays, I had one to many drinks and sort of mentioned how it would be nice if they could come. They live about 5 hours from our wedding location. And I dropped a line or two that I am still looking for a MOH. Real classy eh? lol

    In reality its probably better to just say no to a bridal party. But my FI really wants his dad up there with him....

    I just hate how its bringing up all these insecurities. My dad passed away in May, so he will not be walking me down the isle. My mom and I are estranged due to events following my dads passing, so its been difficult mourning the loss of both parents. And the fact that I dont feel I have any close friends to experience this happy time with just really blows. Am I the only one that really wishes they had those few close friends to share this excitement with? It almost makes it more sad, than happy. I know its all about my FI and I in the end, but I think my FI enthusaim may be running out on wedding details. At least at the rate Im overloading his brain! lol

    I know I have my 3 sisters but its hard to get together with them because they have families and I dont want to leave any of the 3 of them out. They are stepsisters, well legally became my sisters this year, but they are 20 years older than me so they have family priorities, just tell me to elope so it feels like they wouldnt be interested in details, etc. Im going to try dresses on alone next weekend because I dont have anyone to go with me. I wonder how did I get here? Im a likeable person! Im trying not to make this a woe is me, or a pity party...but it really does feel like it. I dreaded this for awhile..I knew it would be like this planning my wedding.

    I just needed to get this out someplace I felt I wouldnt get judged.

    #2 neen

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      Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:23 PM

      aww, sweetie - that's such a hard situation! but its not uncommon, as i think lots of people go through periods in their life when they don't feel they have "a person" (to quote Greys Anatomy). its just lousy that its happening to you at the same time you're planning your wedding.

      i can understand how it might be ackward to have your FI have a best man and you not have an MOH...can you talk to FI and see if there is some other special way to include his Dad so you don't have to worry about the bridal party issue at all? if that's not an option, talk to your three sisters and explain the situation...maybe they'll surprise you and be really excited about it and you can have all three (or maybe one of them will be really excited about it, making it easier to choose just that one).

      as for the wedding dress shopping...to be honest, i would have LOVED to go alone and avoid everyone else's opinions and pushing so maybe its a blessing in disguise :)

      #3 BachataBride

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        Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:37 PM

        I kind of understand where you are coming from. I moved to ON 3 years ago and my "good friends" are all back "home" in NL. I say "good" because the ones who were my best friends I just don't talk with a lot anymore...life (mine & theirs) has kind of gotten in the way. I have a few friends here in ON that I have made, but nobody really tight. I can sometimes count on them for wedding stuff - but not consistently as they have their lives too. It's hard...for sure. But like neen said, why don't you just bring it up with your sisters. Let them know there is no pressure for them to attend or say yes. The 4 of you could even get together & it could be as simple as pulling a name out of a hat. I'm sure they will understand! Cheer up sweetie, that special friend will come along.

        #4 JUSTUSTWO


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          Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:54 PM

          I'm sure its upsetting to be in the situation that you are in, but just remember, measure your friendships by the quality of your relationship & not quantity. Its not really how many friends you have but the great relationship that you build when you find the right one!
          Friends come & go...I definitely learned this when it came time to plan my wedding. I've become closer with friends who supported me during the planning & also found out who my "real" friends are.
          I can count on 1 hand how many friends I have and each relationship is different. I also find that I have a better relationship with a friend that I met about 4 years ago than I have with one that I've known for over 10 years.
          So all of this is to say, don't worry about it. I'm sure that you will come across a truly genuine friend in your own time.

          As for the wedding party, if you don't find a MOH its really no big deal. Your FI can still have his dad as a BM without you having a MOH. Even if the BM sits down after you walk down the aisle, it won't be that noticeable. Or just ask the wife that moved to NC that you mentioned that you were kinda close with. Let her know how much you appreciate her being there for you & see what she says.
          So cheer up!!! Everything will work out! Just concentrate on the day itself & the fact that you're marrying a wonderful man!

          #5 sunsetbride1

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            Posted 31 December 2008 - 04:44 PM

            Oh... I am so sorry for everything that you are going through!

            I like Justustwo's idea of having the Dad standing up there with Fh when you walk down the aisle and then having him sit in the front row when you get up there.

            Or... if you want your sisters in the wedding; why don't you not have a MOH and just have them all be BM's or all co-MOH's?

            Or... to incorporate Fh's father w/out having a BP; you can also have him do a reading or something else special in the ceremony.

            This is your wedding and you are under no obligation to have a BP. Do this your own unique way that will work with what you and Fh want.

            And... I agree with Neen; dress shopping by yourself could be SO much easier. It's hard when you have 10 opinions coming at you so fast and loud that you can't hear your own.

            #6 DanielleNDerek

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              Posted 31 December 2008 - 05:09 PM

              Honestly if i didnt have my sister i dont think i would of had anyone that i was really close with that i would consider my moh so i know where your coming from. Here are some suggestions of what you could do:
              1. just let your fi had his dad as his best man and you could not have an official moh but instead have your sisters be unofficial bridesmaids. I think Becks did this, she asked them to be unofficial bridesmand and had them help her get ready for the wedding. This way they all feel included and you have them there for you.
              2. Have a heart to heart with your fi and say you really dont feel comfortable having anyone be your moh. Ask if he minds if you didnt have an official bridal party. I think he would understand.
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              #7 ACDCDCAC

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              Posted 31 December 2008 - 06:01 PM

              i was thinking, maybe could you still have no bridal party but could FI's dad walk YOU down the aisle? i know its supposed to be the brides dad, but many girls have had their brothers or moms or someone close to them do it instead. so maybe that would be a good solution, still have no wedding party, but also a great way to include his dad.

              #8 ACDCDCAC

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              Posted 31 December 2008 - 06:06 PM

              oh and it was morgan who had "unofficial bridesmaids" and also carly had some who went to jamaica and also some others who were only at the AHR. there are so many diff ways to do it.

              i know that wasnt really what you were getting at, it seems like it was more of you being sad about the friends situation. BUT maybe just telling FI that him having his dad and you not having someone standing with you makes you sad and you would rather not do it that way??

              also, you never know, tomorrow you could meet a really cool person who becomes a great friend over the next couple months, and maybe they can do it! FI's dad could always be asked to stand up at the last min a few weeks before the wedding if you end up with a MOH.

              i wish i lived closer, i would be your MOH :) {HUGS}

              #9 mspattemac

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                Posted 02 January 2009 - 02:39 AM

                I'm kind of in the same boat with you. I have friends but I really dont have a best friend. I've always felt a little embarassed about that. I was always the person that was the "bridesmaid alternate" because they had their best friend, childhood friends, sisters and cousins and I have always been the next in line if they could have more attendants. I understand and all because I appreciated the fact that they told me they wanted me to do it but now that it's my turn it kind of makes it an awkward situation. Some of my good friends are best friends and so I kind of feel weird if I asked any of them to be my MOH... because I know I wouldn't be theirs. I'm not even sure which of my friends are going to make it to my wedding. My fiance' has many friends who he's know all throughout school and they are already planning on going. This makes it more awkward for me because I'm going to feel a bit loser-ish if he has a bunch of his friends there and I dont have any. I know I'll have someone there but I cant help but think about that sometimes.
                His brother was married in Oahu last summer. They didn't have a big wedding and didn't have a BM or MOH but we did sign the licenses for them so technically we were the BM and MOH. I'm not planning on having a wedding party but at least I know that I can have his sister in law sign the license for me since I did the same for her and it wont be awkward:)

                You definitely aren't alone. I'm glad you posted because I really dont have anyone that I can tell this stuff to.

                #10 Soon2beWed09

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                  Posted 10 January 2009 - 09:17 AM

                  aww hunny I want to give u a Well just want to start by saying its ok if you diont have a bridal party. A lot of brides on here don't..maybe ur freind will do it since it's only a five hour drive, but you be strong and enjoy ur wedding day cause you'll have a wonderful man on ur arm..lol

                  I also know how you feel when you dont have friends close by becuase all my freinds are out of town...

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