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Need some advice!

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#1 arubabride

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    Posted 25 November 2008 - 11:54 PM

    Hi everyone!

    One of my best friends got engaged several months ago and then she was sent out to Iraq (she's in the army). Then I got engaged while she was away. On a side note, we're in each other's bridal party's. She told me she was planning for Feb/Mar 2010 but was going to set an actual date when she returned. She told me to go ahead and select a date. I let her know that we were thinking of end of 2009 or beginning of 2010 but finally decided on Jan 2010 (that's the only time my family from Europe can come). She seemed fine with that but she just returned home (thankfully safely) and left me a message saying that she's surprised that I want my wedding so close to hers. I've called her twice, sent an email and still have not heard from her. I don't understand why she's so upset. Am I in the wrong for wanting to get married in January? errrrrrrrrr. This is too much drama for me!

    Thanks for your help!

    #2 Yari

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      Posted 26 November 2008 - 12:30 AM

      Did she sound upset on the message?

      I would just let it go, not worth getting upset about. Perhaps she is dealing with other things and is easily agitated.

      #3 ErinB


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        Posted 26 November 2008 - 12:46 AM

        The same exact thing happened to me. We were engaged in March and BIL proposed in May. We said we were planning a summer wedding - June/July but had to wait to select a date because there weren't any published rates. We couldn't select a date until 10 months out. BIL's finacee didn't want a long engagement, so they picked Memorial Day weekend, 3 weeks before our wedding.

        This did cause some tension within the family and was a concern financially.

        The bottom line is you have to do what is best for you. You gave her fair warning saying that you were looking at late 09/ early 10. You also have ample time to start saving for both weddings. You have to consider if it is worth it to have a friend at your wedding and not you family.

        I don't think this needs to be a dramatic situation if you can get it addressed soon and are open with each other as planning goes on. Like Yari said, she probably has a lot on her plate right now and very sensitive. I would let it go for now and try not to read anything into it. I hope you can get everything resolved. Good luck!

        #4 arubabride

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          Posted 26 November 2008 - 09:40 AM

          She did sound upset when she left her message. And it's definitely not a financial concern. Who knows!

          Thanks for your advice!

          #5 shellb

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            Posted 26 November 2008 - 07:30 PM

            Like ErinB has said, do what works for you. Let her know you don't want to infringe on her day, will be there for hers, thought she was ok with it when you had told her long ago you were planning late 2009 or early 2010 and that you chose Jan 2010 to accomodate family coming in from Europe. She'll eventually understand.

            I do hope things work out.

            #6 Maura


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            Posted 26 November 2008 - 08:05 PM

            1) she told you to pick a day - you didnt pick a day that was in either of the two months she was considering

            2) if january is the only time when your family from europe can come, then that is the only time! that's what's best for you.

            she should have NO bearing on your decision. she told you to go ahead and pick a date- now she doesnt like the date you picked. someone should be telling her she cant have her cake & eat it too. instead she should be happy she has someone to go through this with who is on a similar timeline. you two could really help & encourage each other if she would drop the bullshit act.

            #7 *Heather*


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              Posted 26 November 2008 - 08:16 PM

              I don't see why you should care - one of my bridesmaids got engaged after me and is getting married before me, and at one point I thought it was only going to be about a month before mine, and I really didn't care. I'm sure your weddings will be very different, so just make sure you personalize yours as much as possible to set it apart. And I know my bridesmaid and I haven't shared details like invites and stuff because we don't want to be accused of stealing any ideas or anything, haha. But it's fun because that way when I get her invite in the mail it will be a fun surprise!

              Just let it go - she'll probably get over it in time. She might just be bugged by other things right now and will see the bigger picture at some point.

              #8 Hartyt509

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                Posted 28 November 2008 - 10:01 AM

                I am probably biased but I feel I have to say this/

                If she's just come back from Iraq there will be all sorts of shit going around her head and probably the wedding isn't the biggest part of that. You have no idea what she saw and what situations she found herself in. I only know this cause FI is in the army and I have friends that have been killed over there.

                Keep trying to contact her once you get through you'll probably find that isn't so much of a problem and it was just the tip of the iceberg.

                #9 Angela139

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                  Posted 28 November 2008 - 11:16 PM

                  Five our our "couple" friends are getting married within 10 months of us! It's a bit of a stressor financially, on everyone, but no one seems upset about it, including me. If I were you, I would wait until I could get a hold of her, and then just talk to her about it...; the poster above may be correct, she may be upset about very different things. Either way it is your wedding, and you have to do what is right for you.

                  #10 j5nichols2

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                    Posted 03 December 2008 - 10:41 PM

                    Well, I think that this happens to alot of brides. One of my best friends, who got engaged a year after me, decided to have her wedding the day after mine at home in Michigan. At first, I was a little upset...mostly because she can't be at my wedding and I can't be at hers. But the truth is, I am just happy she is happy. I would bet that she will get over it. With time, she will come to realize that you didn't pick your date to make her mad, you picked your date because it is what you wanted. And you, just like her, should be able to have your wedding on the day you want.

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