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FSIL/BF skipped my shower, feelings are hurt


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#21 Davematthews16

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    Posted 03 September 2008 - 09:01 AM

    Aww, I am so sorry they didn't attend your shower. I can totally understand why you would be hurt. Do you think it would be a good idea to talk to them each individually, and tell em' how much you love em, but that your shower wasn't the same without them? There aren't a whole lot of excuses they could have (considering you saw them right before the shower) but maybe they have a reason unbenknownst to you? It's sad because my BF (who is not attending our wedding) is in such a controlling relationship, I'm already counting her out for my shower/bachelorette party. She's bailed on so many important events already. Keep your head up, and it just might make you feel better to talk to them! :)

    #22 Amarillis

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      Posted 03 September 2008 - 09:42 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by kevsgirl
      ... but they should really answer for it.

      I'd just ask point-blank - Hope you had a great time camping - btw why didn't you make it to the shower? It looked as though you got back in time?

      That way she has to answer. And even if it's a bit accusatory, if she freaks you can backpedal by saying you were just really sad she wasn't there and you assumed they were on their way and were waiting to see her show up all night... that you were hurt, that's all and didn't understand.

      But don't give her a ready-made excuse. Wiat to see what she comes up with...
      I think that Andrea has a wicked point... why give her the opportunity to give an excuse that I made for her.

      I know that there is a family event this Saturday afternoon, FI has already given our regrets - he says it is because he is working Saturday, but admitted to me that he feels it will be a family feud if I say something.

      I wonder if it is ok, being that FI is at work, that on Saturday I ask them to drop by our house before heading to the family event - or is that too sneaky....?

      I need to get this off my chest.

      I feel like I am being mean.

      #23 DanielleNDerek

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        Posted 03 September 2008 - 12:17 PM

        I wouldn't have them stop by this weekend. You don't want fi to think you were confronting them behind his back. I would get together with just her, one on one to talk to her.
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        #24 Yari

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          Posted 03 September 2008 - 12:44 PM

          I know it hurt you, but you need to let it go. Unfortunately people do shady things in our lives and at times we must accept it.

          I don't think what happened was right and I would want to confront her too, but think about how this could affect your FI.

          #25 Amarillis

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            Posted 03 September 2008 - 01:46 PM

            Danielle, you are right, I probably shouldn't address it this weekend. I'll wait till she shows up sometime.

            Yari, you are probably right - I have considered it too...

            But I know that my disappointment will come out at another time - and with my luck and my mouth, It will be inappropriate.

            I would like to nip this in the bud sooner than later, and move forward.

            I am at a loss, I don't want to hurt FI or damage our relationship with the family.

            Maybe Yari is right.

            I wish I could make a decision.

            #26 Dez921714

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              Posted 03 September 2008 - 01:58 PM

              I came in on this late (have been MIA the past week or so).

              This is my thoughts on it...

              Maybe when she RSVP'd no, she didn't realize she'd be home in time to attend. Then when she was, she had already RSVP'd no and didn't want to "crash". I know here, showers cost money, usually a per head amount (if it's at a resturant or something). Maybe since she already said no, she didn't want to cause an issue by showing up.

              I was going to suggest just saying something to her like "We had a great time sunday, I was really disappointed you weren't there. When I saw you at FFIL's house, I figured you were on your way" and then see what she says.
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              #27 DanielleNDerek

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                Posted 03 September 2008 - 01:59 PM

                Did they send you a gift Amy? Maybe you could write in the Thank You card, that you really wish she could of made it and you missed her presence. This way you get your point across in a polite way. And you don't have to worry about saying something you'll regret later.
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                #28 Amarillis

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                  Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:21 PM

                  No, she didn't send a gift.

                  Desi, The shower was at my my mom's house, we are a pretty tight family, 'crashing' would have never been an issue.

                  I am trying to convince my self that I am too sensitive on this one... and being sensitive really isn't me... but this is really under my skin.

                  #29 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:37 PM

                    Ok I'm gonna stick my oar in lol

                    I'd ask her if she was ill on sunday with her getting back from camping so early lmao Then watch her squirm lol As for upsetting the family tough!! You can't spend your life not confronting things in case it upsets the family that is not healthy and will bite you in the arse later.

                    I hate showers myself and I always decline but at least I have the decency to say i'm not going and everyone knows its not my thing and if I am being sneaky I stay out of the way of being seen lol

                    #30 Amarillis

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                      Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:43 PM

                      Harty, you definately have a good point.

                      I should be honest - I don't LOVE showers either, I have been known to get out of them too... I think we are all guilty of that.... but, I know HANDS DOWN... that I would be on the "beast" list, if I were to skip a shower for one of my SIL's be it for a bridal, baby, or whatever.

                      I know I'd get flack.




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