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FSIL/BF skipped my shower, feelings are hurt


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#1 Amarillis

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    Posted 02 September 2008 - 02:03 PM

    Ok,

    So, I am pretty sure that this is my first vent... This past weekend, was my one and only bridal shower.

    http://bestdestinati...om/forum/t28158

    My bridal party which is comprised of only two girls
    - my sister (MOH) and
    - Best Friend (and new mother of a beautiful two month old - as my bridesmaid)

    I knew from the first moment I heard about this shower that it would be a lot of work for my sister/MOH. This is due to the fact that my bridesmaid recently became a first time mother, and her labour and delivery were very challenging (read: high risk pregnancy, complicated c-section under full anestetic).

    When I learned of my shower, I knew my sister would be doing the bulk of the work. Being that BM was occupied (and rightfully so), I suggested that my FSIL (FI's brother's (also Best Man) live in girlfriend), would be a great source of support for the shower - in terms of assistance, etc.

    According to my sister, the invites to my shower went out in June 2008, for a shower this past weekend. After the shower a family BBQ with my family, FI's family and our bridal party took place afterwards.

    BM and FSIL went camping for the weekend.

    She missed my shower.

    She told my sister they would be on the island all weekend.

    At first I was OK with it, and thought, well... I am sad, but it IS the long weekend...

    Fast forward - Sunday 2pm - I was told to be at my shower for 2:30, I drop of my furbaby at my FFIL's for dog-daycare. Guess who pulls in the driveway? FSIL and BM (FI's brother)

    I think... wow... she will be there, YAY - I convince my self that they she'll just be a bit late.

    They never showed up.

    My feelings are really hurt.

    The shower was fantastic... but I definately missed her being there - please understand it isn't about the presents, but the presence - Note: people noticed that she wasn't there, and asked of her whereabouts, I put on a :) and said I was unsure - as all of this was somewhat of a big surprise.

    We have become SO close over the past few years, FI and I have been taken them to NHL hockey games, went with them to live theatre events, travelled all over, made special arrangements to be with them for thier birthdays (meaning rushing home 12 hours so I wouldn't miss her b-day), lent them anything and everything they've asked for... When we were thinking about having a traditional at home wedding, I would have asked her to be a BM... we are really close, I guess that is my point... and she missed my shower, and they skipped the BBQ.

    The question of the day is... what do I do?

    My feelings are hurt.

    I talked to FI about it, and he is worried that if I say how I feel, it could ruin future family functions - I am concerned about the same thing. But I am not one to keep my emotions bottled. I need to be tactful... and not stir the pot too much. FI has already opted us out of a family event this coming weekend because he knows I am upset.

    I think I need to talk to her in person. I blame BM/FI's brother for not encouraging thier presence there this weekend.

    I really did have a fantastic shower... and will post a review in the Ettiquette section... It was a fantastic time, but I just am really sad that she wasn't there to share it with me.

    Any advice is appreciated.

    #2 DanielleNDerek

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      Posted 02 September 2008 - 02:12 PM

      I don't blame you for being bummed. Is your fi upset with his bro at all?

      Im not a big fan of wedding showers but i make sure that i go to everyone's shower that is important to me because i know it's important to the person i care about. I wouldn't blame fi's bro, i would blame her for not being there. Why were they at fi's dads house?
      ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
      Paradisus Palma Real Wedding Review
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      #3 Amarillis

      Amarillis
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        Posted 02 September 2008 - 02:46 PM

        They had borrowed FFIL's motorhome for the weekend to go camping.

        We were under the impression that they weren't around ALL weekend.

        They were returning the motorhome at 2pm the day of my shower.

        I honestly thought that she would get ready there, and just be a bit late getting there.

        They decided to go home I guess...

        #4 DanielleNDerek

        DanielleNDerek
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          Posted 02 September 2008 - 02:48 PM

          That's not right. She should of came and they both should of come to the family BBQ. Unless they had a real good excuse which if they did i'm sure you would of heard it by now.
          ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
          Paradisus Palma Real Wedding Review
          Our Professional Wedding Pictures on Snapfish

          #5 KAMAY11

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            Posted 02 September 2008 - 02:48 PM

            Wait...they got HOME the day of your shower, yet she still didn't show up??!!?!!
            That's not right....I would definitely say something to her! (I'm having a sh***y day though, so take my advice how you want! )
            D & K
            October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas

            http://tickers.Ticke....7276/event.png

            #6 Amarillis

            Amarillis
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              Posted 02 September 2008 - 03:04 PM

              Yeh... EXACTLY.

              Lemme see if I can explain this

              w---------- x ---y-----------z


              They went camping in location z
              My shower/BBQ was in location y
              FI and I (and FFIL & FMIL) live in x
              FSIL and BM (FI's brother) live at w

              the distance between each

              y-z = 50kms (30 miles)
              x-y = 25 kms (15 miles)
              w-x = 60 kms (37 miles)

              So... My point is that FSIL and BM drove past the shower location to get to FFIL's to drop the motorhome. And, at 2pm were 15 minutes away from the shower/bbq location. FFIL came to the BBQ (and brought the furbaby).

              I don't understand why they skipped it. I am sad.

              #7 jmiranda

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                Posted 02 September 2008 - 03:06 PM

                I think that you just need to ask her why they didnt go. Im sure that she has a good reason why she didnt go.

                #8 KAMAY11

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                  Posted 02 September 2008 - 03:08 PM

                  Could jealously be a reason?
                  I know that sounds bad...
                  D & K
                  October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas

                  http://tickers.Ticke....7276/event.png

                  #9 jmiranda

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                    Posted 02 September 2008 - 03:09 PM

                    Maybe she is hurt that you didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid? KWIM??

                    #10 Amarillis

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                      Posted 02 September 2008 - 03:26 PM

                      Yeh... I see where you are going with that...

                      Re: jealousy - FBIL/BM - I could buy the jealousy card, but not from her, she has always been thrilled for us.

                      RE: wanting to be a BM - probs not, b/c when we decided on a DW, I said, it was only my sister as MOH (then we found out that in Cuba, your witnesses cannot be blood related), everyone knew that my BFF (since GR9) was the first choice.

                      We always joked that it would be nice to have a big bridal party, but we needed butts in the seats; being that it was supposed to be a small DW.
                      LOL.

                      I feel better just venting to you guys, but I know I need to say something, or this will bother me for a long time.

                      I also think that it is better to get it off your chest... and move forward...

                      but I NEED to be tactful!

                      FI is stressing about the reprocussions of me saying anything to stir the pot.




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