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How do you handle the "I hope I am invited" question?


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#11 *Lo*

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    Posted 30 July 2008 - 09:52 AM

    Wow that is tough. I am sure I will encounter the same thing as I am hoping to limit the list to 12 people. I know my FI wants his grandmother to be there and if she is well enough I figure why not. I was not planning to invite my grandparents since I don't think they can travel that distance.

    I find with family, you either invite everyone (aunts uncles, cousins) or you kind of have to invite noone. I can't invite one aunt over another...so if I really want a small wedding, it is noone!

    But I do see a situation if I want to invite one or two friends. How do I do that over family? These things are so complicated!

    I hope everything works out...I think if it is your FI's grandmother then he should be the one to discuss the matter with her. Just my personal opinion.

    #12 Bianca

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      Posted 30 July 2008 - 10:19 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by gossip girl
      Wow that is tough. I am sure I will encounter the same thing as I am hoping to limit the list to 12 people. I know my FI wants his grandmother to be there and if she is well enough I figure why not. I was not planning to invite my grandparents since I don't think they can travel that distance.

      I find with family, you either invite everyone (aunts uncles, cousins) or you kind of have to invite noone. I can't invite one aunt over another...so if I really want a small wedding, it is noone!

      But I do see a situation if I want to invite one or two friends. How do I do that over family? These things are so complicated!

      I hope everything works out...I think if it is your FI's grandmother then he should be the one to discuss the matter with her. Just my personal opinion.
      There is one aunt I am not inviting and she is like my mom's best friend. My mom knows better than to even ask if her sister is invited bc she knows how I feel. I don't know why I just called her an aunt, I don't consider her a part of my family. On another note, she has another sister that I never talk to, but am inviting as a formality. I hope she doesnt come and I doubt she would, but it makes my mom happy to send her the invite.
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      #13 DanielleNDerek

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        Posted 30 July 2008 - 11:31 AM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by becks
        I think you're on the right track. Talk about the AHR, etc.

        And when the day comes that you have to explain to her why she isn't invited - and it will - that message should be conveyed by FI and not you. His call; his message to deliver. Don't get involved in that. If she's not a particularly nice person, you don't want her wrath aimed at you.

        Good luck!
        I second Rebecca's advice. Just talk about the AHR and if she really pushes the subject I would just let FI talk to her.
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        #14 Davematthews16

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          Posted 30 July 2008 - 11:42 AM

          I had the exact same problem except they skipped the "I hope I'm invited part", and went strait for the "Oh great, I need a vacation anyway, let me know when it is so I can go." Check out my thread it may help too.http://bestdestinati....invited guests Basically, I knipped it in the butt early and explained in a nice way that we were having a small wedding, and would celebrate with everyone when we returned. It's hard though when you are face to face with someone and they bring it up. I did the exact same thing you did (mumbled something about how nothings final yet, eventhough we've been officially booked for several months, hehe, but no one has to know that) :) Also, some of the other girls mentioned using space as an excuse. Just say theres only X amount of room and go from there. It will all work out trust me :)

          #15 beachbride08

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            Posted 30 July 2008 - 11:46 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by adias.angel
            HELP!!

            We are having a small wedding, 10-15 people, and then a big party after we get home for everyone.

            Last night got the "I hope I am invited question" from his grandmother. Unfortunately she isn't. I babbled something about not knowing anything yet since we had just start planning.

            How do you handle this question when its asked and the person isn't invited? Thanks, Carla
            Do you really not want her there? Do you think she'll come if she is invited? I had a couple people ask me if they were invited (who I initially didn't think I would invite). We sent out invitations to everyone, and most of the people that asked have replied they are not attending and we're still waiting to hear from others. If you don't want her there, just say you are limited to a certain number of guests for the wedding, but will be inviting everyone to the AHR where the video and/or pictures will be displayed. Hopefully, that will smooth things over.
            Michelle

            #16 chiefscribe

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              Posted 30 July 2008 - 12:16 PM

              Doesn't Miss Manners always say to respond to rude questions as if the person had been polite?

              You could try answering it as if she'd said "congratulations!", and just say "thank you so much!"--unless the asker is really persistent, in which case I guess you have to stay vague and noncommittal and mumble about how the guest list isn't finalized but it will be limited to X people.

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 30 July 2008 - 12:19 PM

                Awww...that's to bad about granny. They aren't suppose to be like that! I do agree with Yari. Let your FI deal with that situation. If he doesn't want her there, it's up to him to communicate that to her. It's his granny afterall. :)


                Quote:
                Originally Posted by gossip girl
                Wow that is tough. I am sure I will encounter the same thing as I am hoping to limit the list to 12 people. I know my FI wants his grandmother to be there and if she is well enough I figure why not. I was not planning to invite my grandparents since I don't think they can travel that distance.

                I find with family, you either invite everyone (aunts uncles, cousins) or you kind of have to invite noone. I can't invite one aunt over another...so if I really want a small wedding, it is noone!

                But I do see a situation if I want to invite one or two friends. How do I do that over family? These things are so complicated!
                Just to give you a little feedback- I have a close larger family. I have 6 aunts on my mom's side and 20 cousins (some have kids and spouses as well.) I was fearful to invite them all cause it does really add up, and in the end we invited every single one of them. From my side, my parents, sister, aunt, grandparents, and 2 cousins attend. That's it- 8 people out of around 65. I didn't think they all would come, but I guessed we would have about half of our family. Nope- not at all. Actually one of my aunts planned a trip to Cabo the week before we got married in PV. She refused to alter her plans for our wedding- even though we told her about our wedding a year in advance. She was dead set on going to Cabo and tried to convice us to have the whole family join her there instead.

                Anways, long tangent. :) I guess I'm just trying to say that not everyone will even bother to think about coming- let alone show up. So if it's stressful to hurt feelings over an invite, I would extend the invite knowing more than half of them will more than likely immediately say no.
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                #18 caroline

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                  Posted 30 July 2008 - 12:34 PM

                  Um, pretend like you didn't hear the question?

                  #19 Maura

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                  Posted 30 July 2008 - 12:47 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by adias.angel
                  Thanks ladies :)



                  We have plenty of room but we just don't want her there. To make a VERY long story short his Grandma isn't invited because of some bad history with her. She has done some not so nice things to the family.

                  Plus she will spend the whole time being negative and making everyone miserable. My FI said he only wanted people there who would just be happy to be together. She is NOT on of those people.

                  In the end I have to let him make the call on who is invited on his side of the family.
                  oh well you didnt mention before that she was a nasty beotch! she doesnt need to know right now that shes not invited, and when the time comes to tell her, it needs to be your FI or your FI's mom that bursts her bubble. make sure you dont discuss the wedding with her or give her details.

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by becks
                  I think you're on the right track. Talk about the AHR, etc.

                  And when the day comes that you have to explain to her why she isn't invited - and it will - that message should be conveyed by FI and not you. His call; his message to deliver. Don't get involved in that. If she's not a particularly nice person, you don't want her wrath aimed at you.

                  Good luck!
                  exactly - his family, his pile of shit to dig out of, not yours!

                  #20 Amarillis

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                    Posted 30 July 2008 - 01:04 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Yari
                    Since there is some bad blood with your FI's grandma, then I would leave it up to your FI to tell her and stay out of it. I think the sooner she is aware of her not being invited the better.
                    Yari is totally right, this isn't your battle. In our case we invited everyone from both sides of the family - minus - one of FI's aunts and one uncle, under strict orders from FMIL.

                    I am not willing to discuss the missed invites, i have handled it like this:

                    We made our list of friends, and left the family lists to the MOB and MOG. It was really easy.




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