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ErinB

Should I be hurt/offended?

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I can understand why you would be hurt but don't take it personal. Maybe like someone else had mention she didn't want to go to Jamaica or out of the country.

 

my fsil went to a wedding in Jamaica about 3 yrs ago and hated it so much that she will never go back to Jamaica. And my fi wouldn't even look into resorts in Jamaica because of his sis's bad experience. When i talk to them both about it, i always say ive been to Jamaica and i really like it. And they understand that just because she stayed at one bad resort doesn't mean there aren't really great ones there. But still they will never consider going to Jamaica.

 

I personally think it's stupid but some people are like that. So i would give her the benefit of the doubt and just ask her about it. Since you were invited to the same wedding you can just ask her if she's going, see what she says.

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I'm not going to lie- I would be really hurt too. However, it's not EXACTLY the same scenario. I'm sure it's a bit easier to get to FL from Kentucky rather than Jamaica. There could be underlying issues there. Maybe she's afraid to leave the country with young kids. I could see that being a fear.

 

Also, just because you heard it through the grapevine that she's going, she might not be. You know how we all are- we think people are going, only to find out they aren't. She may have just not told the other couple it's a definite NO yet and gave them one of those "Sure I'll be there" answers we all get when they really don't have solid intentions of going.

 

Long story short- talk to her. It's your good friend. :)

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I think a big problem I have is the flip-flopping.

 

She and her husband initially said they would go to our wedding when we told them to plan $1500 for the weekend. Then, her husband siad he didn't think he wanted to go to Jamaica but if they could sell this thing they would go. She was very excited about it being adults only. They sold the property for a 20K profit but her husband still wasn't sure he wanted to go.

 

He also told her she "wasn't allowed" to go without him. Keep in mind she does work and makes her own money. We did end up losing the deposit money for their trip because they waited so long to give me a firm no.

 

Her husband also said from the outset he wasn't going to the FL wedding (and she couldn't go without him) but now they are and without the kids, I talked to the bride who said they retracted their no RSVP and now coming.

 

I HATE the "my husband won't let me" attitude. This is a new thing that started after the move to the suburbs. I think a lot of her avoidance is because she doesn't stand up for herself. My husband does not "allow" me to do anything! I am an adult and make my own decisions as an equal.

 

I know I'll get over it, I just hate that we both had to feel any awkwardness towards each other.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinB View Post
I think a big problem I have is the flip-flopping.

She and her husband initially said they would go to our wedding when we told them to plan $1500 for the weekend. Then, her husband siad he didn't think he wanted to go to Jamaica but if they could sell this thing they would go. She was very excited about it being adults only. They sold the property for a 20K profit but her husband still wasn't sure he wanted to go.

He also told her she "wasn't allowed" to go without him. Keep in mind she does work and makes her own money. We did end up losing the deposit money for their trip because they waited so long to give me a firm no.

Her husband also said from the outset he wasn't going to the FL wedding (and she couldn't go without him) but now they are and without the kids, I talked to the bride who said they retracted their no RSVP and now coming.

I HATE the "my husband won't let me" attitude. This is a new thing that started after the move to the suburbs. I think a lot of her avoidance is because she doesn't stand up for herself. My husband does not "allow" me to do anything! I am an adult and make my own decisions as an equal.

I know I'll get over it, I just hate that we both had to feel any awkwardness towards each other.
Did she just not show up for your wedding or did she tell you she wasn't coming?

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She told us after we had made the reservations and paid the deposit for the flights and room. Because we couldn't find another couple to fill the slots, we lost the deposit.

 

As a bride it is irritating that they told the FL bride no, then changed to yes. At least they have time and less difficulty adding people since it is in the US.

 

And you will appreciate this...

 

Most of our friends turn 30 this year. (I'm the baby at 26)

 

About 3 years ago we decided it would be great to take a trip for the 30th birthday year and about 12 of us would go. The friend was pushing for Tahiti.

 

I just got an e-mail that said we missed our 30-year summer vacation, so we need to start planning for next summer for our group vacation!

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i would be hurt as well. i feel you should talk to her just to clear the air, but that is totally up to you. i personally have to say what is on my mind so it doesn't eat me up inside. plus you will also get the truth out of her. obviously she felt bad since she was avoiding you. i say talk it out. it may end up being nothing at all.

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Do you think her husband just didn't want to go to Jamaica and wants to go to Florida? Like that's his vacation preference and nothing to do with his wife's friendships. That's pretty selfish of him if that's the case.

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Yeah, to me it sounds like her husband is making the decisions. She is probably really hurt about it too. She probably really wanted to go and thought that he would change his mind. Does she work? Maybe he makes all the money and "controls" how she spends it.

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I would totally be hurt if my good friend did this to me. It is understandable if people can't make it, but it almost sounds like she was trying really hard to make a solid case of why she couldn't go. Then you being out that $ sucks too.

 

Finding out that she is going to another DW would upset me too, which is why I would totally talk to her and get it out in the open. What good is a friendship if you can't talk. I like the idea of coming out and asking her if she is going to the wedding casually since you too were invited.

 

So this email that yo got about the group trip next year, is that from this same friend?

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