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My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...

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#61 1elephant

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    Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:35 PM

    i'm sorry you're going thru this...it seems like you're both feeling pretty shitty about yourselves, but he's taking that stress out on you. i can tell you from experience - if he's been prescribed 100mgs of something, then 50 is not going to cut it. it's the same as not taking it at all. meds are prescribed with YOU and your weight and problems in mind - not just arbitrarily.
    while a therapist is a great idea in theory, i know that my dh would never go for it unless i blindfolded him and dragged him in. however, if you're both willing, you can work on resolving this yourselves. i think you both need to lay it out on the table and form a plan. if you're like dh and i, it will involve a lot of yelling, tissues, and maybe even some door slamming, but at the end of the day, it's all out in the open. your plan will have to involve working on yourselves (losing weight, feeling sexier, etc) and working together (talking about why he's feeling trapped, rather than accusing you of trapping, maybe going to ww together).
    nothing will make it disappear if you don't deal with it.
    that being said, we'll support you the whole way.

    #62 Copita

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      Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:40 PM

      Originally Posted by Dez921714
      Everyone seems so soooo happy and in love...makes me wonder about us...
      Girl, don't even get me started. J and I are 9 days away from our wedding and I want to PINCH HIS HEAD OFF, he is annoying me so bad! LOL.

      Just try talking to him about what's on his mind. Have a heart to heart. Planning a wedding can be so stressful.

      Not everything is "paradise" and NO relationship is perfect, dear. NONE.

      #63 Dez921714

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        Posted 03 July 2008 - 03:51 PM

        He just left. Screaming about how he can't stand me, the dogs, the house adn wants out.

        Threatened to take all the money out of our joint account, so I moved all but $280 into my account and changed my password (I don't want payments to bounce).

        It's all BS and I don't deserve to put up with this. I think I'm done. I don't know how or what I'll say if/when he comes back but I can't keep putting myself through this. I love him, but is it worth it?
        http://ticker.7910.o....25vdCBpbiA.gif27 Confirmed with Plane Tickets...5 with rooms booked!

        150 INVITES / 6 YES / 13 NO

        #64 Dez921714

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          Posted 03 July 2008 - 03:52 PM

          On top of that, the freaking main line from the street to the house is clogged again...so I just called Roto-Ruter...$450 I can't afford....
          http://ticker.7910.o....25vdCBpbiA.gif27 Confirmed with Plane Tickets...5 with rooms booked!

          150 INVITES / 6 YES / 13 NO

          #65 Kat81

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            Posted 03 July 2008 - 03:57 PM

            I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do. Maybe it is good he left. He needs to deal with whatever it is he is going through without dragging you down. Take some deep breaths and try and figure out what is best for YOU. I am here if you need to talk.

            #66 happygilmore

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              Posted 03 July 2008 - 04:07 PM

              Wow! I don't really know what to say but my thoughts and prayers are with you! Keep your chin up, things happen for a reason even if they are really sh*tty to get through!

              #67 lucy106

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                Posted 03 July 2008 - 04:18 PM

                Oh sweetie I am so so very sorry for all of this!!! I can only imagine your hurt right now. Please at least consider counseling for yourself and if will go with then fabulous!!! If not, it is great for you to go!! You are worth knowing you are not crazy!! Please stay in touch and I am thinking about ya!!

                #68 Maura


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                Posted 03 July 2008 - 04:20 PM

                wow dez... i am so so sorry you are going through this right now. i dont have any grand words of wisdom except to please remember that you deserve to be treated with respect no matter what (both by others AND yourself). we are here for you, no matter what happens. sending you a big hug.

                #69 Jacqueline

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                  Posted 03 July 2008 - 04:30 PM

                  :o( sorry u are going through this :o( Hugs to you! Call up some friends and get your mind off things for now.

                  #70 starryeyedbride2b

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                    Posted 03 July 2008 - 04:38 PM

                    I know I have issues with my FI. Wedding is in two weeks and was called off over the weekend for a few days---me and the guests determined that we would just go on vacation and party. After talking and making some realizations, we're going go forward with the wedding, but counseling is mandatory, we both agree. I am seeking a counselor now. Enough about me...the point of that was for you to know that you're not alone.

                    Now, I agree with the suggestion that you should at least get counseling for yourself. Your FI will follow, IF he's ready to make change. If not, and you two do decide to part ways, just know that you will be OK and things will get easier over time. We all have our issues, and sometimes as women we take on our mate's issues, to our own detriment. Trust me, I know about the over the top yelling and arguments and actually taking action to leave. I had to question whether or not it is worth it also. There is something to sticking out the fight, especially since knowing that no relationship is perfect, but you have to decide for yourself if this is healthy for the both of you.

                    I know he left and things aren't good, but give him time to chill out and give yourself time to think. Follow your heart...and mind.

                    Sorry you're going through this. I do know how trying these times are.

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