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finally.... My wedding drama


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#1 chibi411

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    Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:09 PM

    so... it's been said that everyone will have some sort of wedding drama. i thought i was immune. everythings been going so well....

    background...
    before my Fi and got engaged, we decided that he would take a year off from work to persue a dream. he had an oppurtunity to pro cycle again and needed to first lose some weight he gained since he retired the first time. i was for it, he's in his mid 30's and this would be his last chance before kids and all that. he cut his hours at work, but had a paycheck every 2 weeks. so i've been working, not more, just working. i pay my bills, he pays his with whatever income he gets. when we go out, i pay. this was decided, and i am totally fine with it.

    so i told my girlfriends, one of them my BM and BF since 7th grade. I was her MOH. so a month ago, they staged an "intervention" b/c they thought i was working too much. i'm not, i work nights and have 2 part time jobs so the nights sometime go in a stretch, then i have 3-5 days off. they said i'm working so much to have the wedding i want and FI is not working. which isn't true, he cut his hours, and honestly, if i wasn't with FI i would probably be working more. My other girlfriend is seperating from her husband, and they used that as a ruse to get me to dinner to hang out with them. It was really about me and they ambushed me. long story short, i was very hurt and upset. i'm past it, just want to focus on the wedding now and i saw all of them at a wedding last week and it was fine.

    my problem now is that i bought BM presents already, tiffany and co necklaces. and i don't want to give it to that one BM that ambushed me. after consideration, she still is in the wedding, but i feel like it's such a nice gift for such an awful friend

    any advice?

    #2 happygilmore

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      Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:17 PM

      I am really sorry...that was not a very nice thing they did especially if you had explained the situation and that YOU were OKAY with it!

      As for the gifts, I would say give them all the same thing because they are all most likely going to be doing the same amount of work for showers, batch party etc. and it is a thank you for being in your wedding However I think you should tell her how much it hurt you with what she did!

      Hope that helps

      #3 Saraha

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        Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:18 PM

        Im sorry you have had all of this drama. To me it sounds like they are just worried about you and dont understand the whole picture. I can completely understand feeling ambushed, I would feel the exact same. But as an outside Im sure they are just tyrin to help and dont understand the importance of your FI and him and you working together to accomplish his dream. Afterall IMO I think that is what marriage is all about, working together even when the tough gets tougher. Hopefully they will come to realize this was a mutual decision and you are happy, and not over worked. Im sure they are just looking out for you.

        #4 ErinB

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          Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:21 PM

          Wow! That is kind of odd. I guess you should be happy that you have friends who do care about you and your well-being. However, a lot of times, people just don't get it. They will impose their beliefs or pre-conceptions onto your situation. I'm sure the one girl is concerned about your financial situation if she is separating from her husband because she probably feels that way.

          As far as them saying you are only working for your wedding, well it's none of their business. I applaud you for paying for it on your own and not racking up a pile of credit card debt. I would guess that there is something else behind this "intervention". It is possible that with the trouble your one friend is having, they expect you to drop everything and support her and it's simly that your schedules don't mesh.

          As far as the necklace goes, go on and give it to her, especially if you have them for the other girls. Later on down the road this won't be an issue but if you cause one girl to feel singled out it could do some damage to the friendship.

          I think her heart was probably in the right place, her head was just up her ass and she didn't know or understand the whole story.

          #5 jajajaja

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            Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:28 PM

            Ok that's absolutely NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. I know they are trying to be a good friend and all, but how you handle your finances and the deals you and your FI work out are none of their business- period. I would be seething pissed especially since your BF didn't have the decency to have a heart to heart with you and instead convinced others to join in since she was too cowardly to say it by herself.

            WHEW! Ok, I would just let her know how you felt. Tell her it was inappropriate and if she's concerned about you as a friend, then she should talk to you but don't get into matters of "money" and if your FI is doing his part financially. It sounds like she was trying to be a good friend, but she forgot to leave her judgemental side home. That happens to the best of us and I know I have violated that rule a time or two.

            As for the necklace, I'd still give it to her. I can't see this as being a deal breaker as friends. She just crossed a boundary of your privacy. Hopefully she will handle things better in the future.
            Happily married since 2008

            #6 lucy106

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              Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:30 PM

              That does sound a bit extreme but it seems like they were just worried about you. I give them credit for trying to talk to you about it instead of talking behind your back. I would give all the BMs the same gift.

              #7 Opice34

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                Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:31 PM

                Oh, I'm happy for you that you at least have good enough friends who would take the time to stage an "intervention" if they thought you really needed help. It really does sound like they care about you and want to make sure you're okay, and you're lucky to have friends like that. It sounds like they are incorrect about the circumstances of the situation, but their intentions are good. Just talk it out with them and make sure they understand your side of things. (or at least try) I'd hate to see a friendship wither because someone cared enough to confront you about something they thought was negative in your life. It's really important to get honest feedback from people...it keeps us on track...and we don't have to agree with it, they can be completely wrong, but everyone needs to have someone like that in their life. People who can come to you and tell you they are concerned about you are your true friends. If it were me, I'd tell her that I appreciate her concern, but that I really am fine and dandy with the situation and all is well.

                BTW - Kudos to you for being so supportive of your FI! That's fantastic! He's a lucky man and I'm sure he'll repay the favor some day.

                BTW#2 - If you're buying your girls necklaces from Tiffany's, it doesn't sound like money is an issue! Maybe the girls will chill out a bit when they realize that you're doing okay financially...

                Good luck!!!

                #8 Maura

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                Posted 15 May 2008 - 01:34 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
                Ok that's absolutely NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. I know they are trying to be a good friend and all, but how you handle your finances and the deals you and your FI work out are none of their business- period. I would be seething pissed especially since your BF didn't have the decency to have a heart to heart with you and instead convinced others to join in since she was too cowardly to say it by herself.

                WHEW! Ok, I would just let her know how you felt. Tell her it was inappropriate and if she's concerned about you as a friend, then she should talk to you but don't get into matters of "money" and if your FI is doing his part financially. It sounds like she was trying to be a good friend, but she forgot to leave her judgemental side home. That happens to the best of us and I know I have violated that rule a time or two.

                As for the necklace, I'd still give it to her. I can't see this as being a deal breaker as friends. She just crossed a boundary of your privacy. Hopefully she will handle things better in the future.

                couldnt have said it better myself, i agree 100% with everything rach said

                #9 alex

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                  Posted 15 May 2008 - 05:01 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by ErinB
                  I think her heart was probably in the right place, her head was just up her ass
                  EXACTLY! She definately crossed a line, but it seems like she meant well.
                  She'll realize what happened, especially if you're such close friends, and you guys will make up. It just make take a while as you are both probably hurting right now.

                  Congrats on supporting your FI's dream! I think that's wonderful!! I know that Mat would do that for me, but had never looked at it the other way... you guys obviously have an amazingly solid relationship! :) :) :)

                  #10 FYB87

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                    Posted 15 May 2008 - 08:23 PM

                    I personally don't think it is any of their business. However, it is nice in a way to know that they care so much about you. Obviously they don't understand that relationships are give and take. You have to support one another always. I say, give her the necklace since you are giving them to everyone. However, if you haven't already told her how much it hurt you to be ambushed like that, I would do so now.




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