Certain friends...avoiding you....
Posted 03 May 2008 - 08:52 AM
I've noticed that one friend in particular has been avoiding me since I announced over a year ago that we were planning on getting married down south. We've been relatively close friends since 1st year university. I personally think the world of her and her husband.
At the time I told her about the wedding, she was living in NC with her husband while he did a fellowship, so we weren't as close as when she was here in the city. She's been back since last June, I gave her a few months to settle back in, we've chatted infrequently by phone and email (at my initiation) since. When (or should I say if) you get her on the phone she'll chat away, by email it's one or two liners.
I've re-iterated both via voice and email that for the wedding "we fully understand if people can not make it, but wanted to be sure to include the people we who we would definitely invite if we got married here. We know that most people we invite won't be able to make it. It's not everyones thing or sometimes circumstances sometimes do not permit. We don't want anyone to feel guilty about that."
My latest email to her about a month ago was asking her if she wanted to get together while her husband was out of town for a month....no response...
Other than driving to the other side of town and beating on her door, I have no clue what to do. I know they have been try to get pregnant without luck for a while, but I've been supportive telling her I am here to listen, to talk, even available for her to yell at if she wants...she's even thanked me for being there for her.
I am afraid it's our decision to get married down south that's pushing her away because I know they avoided going to another friends (her husband's best freind from university) wedding in FL while they were living in NC.
I have no freaking clue what to do....
Posted 03 May 2008 - 09:01 AM
Posted 03 May 2008 - 09:34 AM
Posted 03 May 2008 - 10:05 AM
Back off and see what happens she'll probably end up on your doorstep! people are weird when you tell them you are getting married, its as if a switch gets flicked that says "be an obnoxious annoying distance arsehole" lol
Posted 03 May 2008 - 10:09 AM
Tom and I have both come to the realization that our circle of friends is very likely to change now that we are married ... but we are okay with that.
Posted 03 May 2008 - 10:31 AM
Posted 03 May 2008 - 11:20 AM
Posted 03 May 2008 - 08:06 PM
I am going to try giving her a call tomorrow to see how she's doing. If I get no response, I'll leave the ball in her court. I don't want to push it. And now that I know I am not alone in people avoiding you when your having a DW...I don't feel so bad.
Posted 03 May 2008 - 09:54 PM
Posted 04 May 2008 - 10:53 AM
| Originally Posted by Pisces |
I have come to accept, and I think we all have to, that some people think DW's are an unreasonably selfish thing to do. It is truly not something you can change, and no amount of telling people how you feel about your day and why you are doing it this way will change their minds. I think it comes down to values, which are really ingrained in people. Unfortunately it might just be until after your wedding for this time to pass. I'm sorry you're going through this with her
Give her some time. Also, there may come a time when you have to ask her point blank what is up with her. A lot of times people think too that if they aren't going that they are better off just staying away. You may have to open the door for her to be involved even if she isn't going.
I hope it works out!
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