19 replies to this topic

[hammstephanie]

My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for the Riviera Maya Mexico for 5 months now and last night I had a major breakdown! To make a Very Long story short, we had a falling out with an old friend, which brought us to thinking.. "Why didn't we just invite family?!!"
The more my fiance and I talked, through my many tears, we decided that wouldn't be a bad idea, except we've already sent out Save The Date Cards to all our friends and family. We'd love to send out a new card stating "We're Running Off and Getting Married!" ( In 3 months and only inviting family to join) - But how do we kindly "uninvite" all the other guests? We're asking for any suggestions, tips, advice you may have... please send them soon!

Tearful Bride from Wisconsin

[lucy106]

If you were just very up front and honest with your friends do you think they would understand? If they truly are your friends they would. Do you plan on having an AHR? If so invite them to that so they can celebrate with you. Maybe you could send another follow up letter explaining the situation and informing them details for the AHR are to come. This is probably not totally what is to ettiquette but imo "crap happens".

[Kat81]

Nobody has booked yet have they

[Karen]

Destination Weddings aren't like regular weddings. Guests have to do a great deal such as take time off at work (which can be difficult), save money, make other arrangements, make plans to go somewhere they might not ordinarily go at a time of year they might not ordinarily take a vacation. Univiting someone to a DW isn't just telling them they can't come to a party. It can be screwing with people's finances and plans. Some travel expenses are nonrefundable. Generally uninviting guests is a major etiquitte no-no and is pretty much looked at as rude. Of course there are exceptions to changing plans (illness, death, family crisis) which are acceptable and understood. I guess changing things depends on how far away from the wedding you are and if people have already put down deposits. If you are say 1 1/2 years away fronm the wedding and no plans have been made then you might be able to change your plans. What ever you do, treat your family and friends with kindness and respect.

[Kat81]

I agree, it is your wedding so do what you want but remember that people have to put a lot of planning and money into taking a vacation

[ErinB]

There really isn't a polite way to un-invite someone.

Is the friend you had the fight with planning on coming? If you are concerened that he/she will do something to disrupt your wedding, you should say something to them only and/or make arrangements with your resort to have security keep them away from your ceremony.

If others have booked and truly are your friends, let them come! Don't punish yourselves or your other friends because one of them is a butt-head!

[jajajaja]

I don't think there is a nice way to uninvite people either- especially if you already sent out Save the Dates. I'm assuming you have done some planning in order to be able to send them out.

I would let this all blow over for awhile. In the beginning, I had major stress issues because I would get upset over who was coming and who wasn't coming. Eventually I decided to just be thankful for those that could make it and stop being upset because some couldn't come. It was an easy fix- I just had to adjust my attitude.

[rodent]

yeah, I agree. don't uninvite. most of my friends can't make it. At one point I thought it would have been much simplier to have just invited family because not a lot of friends are coming anyway. But, I'm happy to have the few friends there with us too & I know they are really excited about going too.

Just let your guest list self-select & sit back and see who ends up booking. In the end you get a group that is really excited about going.

[Maura]

IMHO, it would be totally rude to uninvite all your friends. i know this sounds harsh, but if someone univited me like that, we would no longer be friends. this late in the game when it is so close to your wedding, what is the problem with just uninviting the person you had the falling out with? your other friends didnt do anything to you.

i totally agree with everything karen said above. especially:
Univiting someone to a DW isn't just telling them they can't come to a party.

[Hartyt509]

I think it depends. If you have sent out save the date cards and not actually booked anything. Then just let people know things have changed if they haven't paid out any cash or taken time off work they probably wont be bothered.

Sit on it for a while tho just in case you change your mind, you have to be sure its what you want to do and not just a knee jerk reaction.