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9 or 10 bridesmaids! HELP!

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14 replies to this topic

#1 sunnydaes

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    Posted 16 March 2008 - 10:54 PM

    I have been struggling with this for months. I still don't have a location secured yet, but i have some ideas of where it will be. It is definitely on the beach in Cabo. But I'm have a dilemma and i need some help. I want bridesmaids but ideally I would like 4 or 6, but in order not to hurt anyones feelings I have do 10! Which i think is just gonna look silly. I love all these girls, some I'm closer to than others. I have 2 sisters and 2 of my FIs sisters and 4 friends that I am extremely close too so I really want them in my wedding. I know I could do just sisters but i really want my Best girlfriends. And then I have 2 more girlfriends that I hang with almost all the time, but I'm not as close to them. But i know if were me, and they asked all our friends to be in their wedding, I would be upset, I would understand, but it would hurt my feelings.

    I was thinking about having all 10 and having them walk down the isle and then sit down. I would prefer to have them all stand next to me but i just think its too much. or is it?

    Or I could just do the 8 and hope that the last 2 don't get their feelings hurt?

    Lastly, one of my FI's sisters has said she would love to be in the wedding, the other one i don't think cares either way, and I love both of them...but I'm thinking of a way to cut people out, would it be worse to not include his sisters and include my last 2 friends? or the other way around (include the sisters and not the last 2 friends)...ugh, please help!!! I thought about doing none, but all my girlfriends are really into it, and my little sister has her heart set on it (she is 14)...
    Oh, and were having about 90 people, Just so you can get a visual of what it might look like with 10 bridesmaids...yikes.

    #2 Aimless911

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      Posted 16 March 2008 - 11:00 PM

      What about assigning 'jobs' to a few of the girls that you aren't SUPER close with, but you still want to be a part of the wedding!? I've limited my BM's to just 2, otherwise I'd end up with 10 or 12...but I've got 'projects' assigned to the other girls and they are thrilled with that....and....they are friends...and they understand that we're wanting to keep the wedding somewhat small! It's not fun having to say no to anyone...I'm horrible at that...but this is YOUR wedding! :-) Gotta do what makes YOU happy!

      #3 Can'tHardlyWait

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        Posted 16 March 2008 - 11:24 PM

        I feel your pain... we have 115 people coming to the wedding and we have 9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen in our wedding party. 5 of my bridesmaids are family (mine and his) and the rest are my best friends.

        For us, it was a non-issue because they were all really important to us. We really didnt give it too much thought... we just sat down and thought about who we would want standing up for us if our wedding was in NY. Once we looked at it that way, we couldnt exclude any of them just could it might look funny.

        I will say that we are having them all sit in the front row. That decision was less about how it would look to have such a big bridal party and more about not wanting to make them all stand up in the heat!

        #4 nikkianddean

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          Posted 16 March 2008 - 11:36 PM

          What a dilemma! I totally understand wanting to have a lot of people in the wedding. I am having 5 bridesmaids with only about 40-50 expeted guests, but I won;t budge on that. The idea of assigning jobs is great. Maybe you can make your FI's sisters hostesses. Their responsibilities could include greeting guests as they arrive to the beach and pass out ceremony programs (if you are planning to use these).

          Not sure how you feel about readings, but that is also another way you can include friends in the wedding without making them a bridesmaid. Maybe they can read a favorite love poem or spiritual reading. 2 hostesses + 2 readings + 6 bridesmaids = 10 girls included. And you can have them all sit in the front and not feel slighted. If you decie you want to have 10 bridesmaids that is your perogative, it's your wedding

          I hope some of this is helpful. In the end your real friends will be happy to be a guest at your wedding. One of my very best friends to this day did not include mein her wedding and there were no hard feelings. And now that I am getting married I understand even more. Bottom line, as long as everyone important is at your wedding, everything will be perfect!

          Mr. & Mrs. C
          February 14, 2009

          #5 sunnydaes

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            Posted 16 March 2008 - 11:53 PM

            Thanks for all the feedback, I forgot to mention that my Fiance has 7 brothers, so he is set and doesn't have to worry about including or not. the poem thing is a cool idea, and also i think there needs to be someone translating so maybe someone could do that. I think i will have them sit down in the front row. Thanks for the ideas!

            #6 amyh


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              Posted 17 March 2008 - 01:18 AM

              I see nothing wrong with 10 BM's! I have 9 and 10 GM, lol. They are all close and I couldn't choose either.

              #7 Samantha S

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                Posted 17 March 2008 - 01:58 AM

                I was so in the same boat, I have 8! I would have been completely happy with 3--my sister, niece and best friend since childhood-- but my fiance is a firefighter and has all of his friends in that are 'like brothers'. Some of his groomsman's girlfriends are my close friends so it was really all or none-- with a little of the same situation ==close with most and one or two mostly due to obligation. If you are getting to the point of 10 and who should be the last two in the ten (future family versus close but not best friends) I would definitely go ahead with the 10 and add one or two of those who you don't choose as BMs and have them read. I saw a photo on the knot or some where that they had 10 on each side and it looked fun! (this was in their photos after the ceremony). You could have your maid of honor and best man stand up by you?

                #8 Sandra E.

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                  Posted 17 March 2008 - 07:21 AM

                  Assigning jobs it's a good idea. Also, making some guests of honor or assigning readings also helps. But you can certainly have 10 BMs if you would like.

                  #9 Spazz

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                    Posted 17 March 2008 - 07:33 AM

                    There's nothing wrong with having 10 BMs. I have 8 because I couldn't exclude any of them - 4 are my sisters and 4 are my best friends. I could have had 11 if I included FI's 3 sisters, but they really didn't care if they were in it or not, so I decided against it (neither of us are really close to them). I say go for it!

                    #10 becks



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                      Posted 17 March 2008 - 07:35 AM

                      I was in a bit of the same issue - 5 best girlfriends, sister, brother's wife, FI's 2 sisters, 3 nieces...

                      It was almost to the point that anyone female would be standing up for me. So we went with plan b and have none. I'm not totally wild about it, but I'm fine with it. And not having to make choices is SO nice!!

                      Happily married since 2008

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