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LadyP

This morning on the radio LONG

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if that was my man... would tell him that he has my consent, as long as i had his to do the same thing, and i would try to do everything in my power to make him feel attractive and special again, i know that after being in a relationship for a while with a person the lust factor fades, its up to you and only you to bring it back... yeah, its horribale but it will happen to all of us at one point or another... thats my take on it anyway

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Nope. No way.

 

Set aside the notion that your hubby wants to sleep with other people, that's just a risky lifestyle!! I mean, think about it, if hubby tells a woman that he's not interested in getting to know her but just wants sex, what type of woman will that be, and just how many such encounters has she agreed to? It's basically consenting to have your hubby give you all kinds of nasty diseases!

 

And then you get to the emotional impact... well, I don't have the kind of time. But basically, to me, if he feels the need to stray, then what we really need to do is go to couples counselling.

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Oh! my! Déjà vu !

 

One of my friend and her EX went through the same thing...

They started dating in High school and 8 years later, they asked themselved what it would be like to have sex with someone else (they were both 1st lovers went they started dating...). They both agreed that they just want to see how it is with someone else smile41.gif I was totally against it and told her that a penis is just a penis ; what counts the most is that you love the person. Well, she went on with THE PLAN: for 2 weekends, they would be aloud to go out and have sex.

 

She is very pretty so she didn't have a hard time to get a guy to sleep with her but... on both occassions, she couldn't go through with it, she wasn't comfortable with the other men... well I wasn't going to tell her : I told you so!" since she told me herself and couldn't wait to see what her boyfriend did on those 2 weekends. Well... as predictable as this my seem, he got the chance to meet a girl, he saw her on those 2 weekends but never had sex with her because he started to like her and din't want to have sex with her just because his girlfriend said he could ! How pothetic!

 

After a few weeks, the relationship was "rocky" since all he was thinking about was the other girl... it came to an end 2 months after and today, she is sorry for asking her ex if it would be ok to see other people. As for him, he is still with the other girl, and from what I've her, things are going great.

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The whole point of marriage is to be committed to the person you are with. I say if that guy is already having those thoughts their marriage is close to being over, or at least it would be if I was in that situation.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamsTulumBride View Post
Oh! my! Déjà vu !

After a few weeks, the relationship was "rocky" since all he was thinking about was the other girl... it came to an end 2 months after and today, she is sorry for asking her ex if it would be ok to see other people. As for him, he is still with the other girl, and from what I've her, things are going great.
Wow, that's horrible. I feel terrible for your friend! Did she pull through? Is she in a good relationship now? I felt sick when I read what she went through. So crappy. Stupid hormones.

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I wouldn't do this at all....Sorry but if he wants to sleep with another woman then bye bye, though I know it would hurt but it would hurt more if he actually did it.

I need to give my man more loving now :) lol

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyP View Post
He said as he gets older he begins to wonder if he is still attractive and sexually appealing. He said if another younger woman found him sexually attractive it would be a boost to his wavering male ego. [/color]
I'm sorry but this is such BS. First of all, your feelings of self worth should come from with in not from relations with a younger woman. This guy should take pride in his 20 year marriage and not want to risk it for an "ego boost". I just could never see myself consenting to an open marriage. I know who I am, I am proud of who I am, and I know I am worthy of a full committment. I just can't see lowering my standards for anyone including my husband. Definately both spouses need to work to keep the fire burning in their relationship but there's no way I would consent to DH consorting with others. I'd rather be happy alone than miserable knowing DH is boinking others to give his ego a boost.

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I say to each their own, if it works for both people great. But, I don't think it is for me. If FI came to me with that question it would be the absolute last resort to save my marriage. I say try couples weekends or a make-over, not new girl. (and I love how he said YOUNGER! WFT) The writer should have asked for permission with someone LONGER. heehee.

 

Anyway, I do understand where the question comes from. Our agreement is don't do anything you wouldn't want to other to do or couldn't forgive. I'm ok with strippers at the bachelor party because I know he is coming home to me and will marry me! I could forgive a stripper kissing him when he is drunk faster than I could if he was going out after work every night with a co-worker for drinks, even if nothing happened.

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This is Erik Again,

 

Drea read this to me and asked that I type what I just told her.

 

In truth, all people like having the Ego boost. Drea and I both Love it when other people find us attractive because it confirms what we tell each other all the time. When Drea and I go out for whatever reason, we always come back and brag to one another about how we got hit on or someone flirted with us. It's natural and a real ego boost to know you are still desirable by the oppsite sex (and in some cases, same sex, but that was really strange and I made drea swear never to tell...LOL...last time I got with my friends to a gay bar).

 

As for the permission to jump into another's bed...sorry, but no. What Drea and I do with getting our confirmation by getting others to hit on us is enough. Our little ego boosts typically result in some damn extrodinary nighttime bedroom action that will leave me sore and a permanent smile on my face for days. If anyone needs the ego boost, do what we do and then go back to your spouse with that renewed boost and rip em apart like you did when you first met. Send the kids to family or friends, kick the dogs and cats outside, cover the goldfish bowl with a sheet cuz what is about to happen is carnal and wild and you can do it in every room of the place.

 

For those who don't feel that you are as attracted to your spouse as much as you were...pull your head out of your butt and tell your spouse that you are wanting to try more with them...open up...tell the truth and make your life better. If you keep it bottled up, then those are the reasons people cheat. If I desired whips and chains and never told her (which I don't I am just using as an example) then my desire might get the best of me and if given the opportunity I might jump at it which is completely the wrong thing to do. I would be better off to tell my wife and let her beat the crap out of me (LOL). For those persons who are feeling dry docked sexually speaking, I suggest investing some time and energy in the bookstore with various sexual position books, steamy suggestion books, and even heading over to the sex store to pick up a few items that both people can enjoy without crossing any crazy comfort zones.

 

As an example, my friend of 20 years came to me and asked for my advice to spice things up with his wife. She is a very missionary position kind of person who is very frigid and he is going nuts with boredom. I talked to him and suggested the same things i did here and then took him for the first time to CondomRevolution (a local sex shop) and introduced him to the ideas I suggest for people who are breaking into the "Extras". We got him oils, feather, and a blind fold and I suggested the next step be a small battery operated enhancement...but that would come later. He updated me two days later by the ear to ear smile he had on his face. He said quite bluntly that he would ask me to join him again soon to chose the next step but he is having a lot of fun with this step right now.

 

He is a perfect example of a person who needs to both talk to his spouse and work to make his sexual relation with her better before jumping into another's arms...

 

I talked too long so anyone who is still reading....sorry for the book report...but hope it helps.

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