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People asking or assuming they are invited with guest...

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#1 nylalany

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    Posted 16 January 2008 - 04:37 AM

    So this has happened to me a few times already, especially since I haven't sent my invitations out yet - I've only sent email STDs.

    My FI neglected to tell my one of his friends has a serious girlfriend. Obviously he needs to be invited with guest, now that I know but...
    His other friend is about to break up with his girlfriend but is considering bringing her, even though somehow we didn't even know he had one and he wants to break up with her!

    My FI's cousin asked if she can bring her boyfriend that we didn't know about, but at least she's been dating him on and off since May I guess. Or they used to date last spring, and then just got back together recently...
    Another of my FI's cousins has been dating someone for a couple months and I fear he is going to think since the other one is bringing her boyfriend, he can bring the new girlfriend, even though it has only been a couple months...

    A friend of mine said she isn't sure if she is going to bring a guest or not, even though she just started dating after her FI broke their engagement. I kind of steered her towards rooming with a mutual friend of ours.

    I've been invited to several weddings without a guest as I wasn't invited wiht guest even after dating someone for 6 months, since weddings are pricey and most people only invite with guest if they know you are serious - so I think this is all really weird. And at $150+ a plate/drinks, and being way over my venue capacity already, it is getting a little worrisome...

    Is there a polite way to deal with this?

    #2 starchild



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      Posted 16 January 2008 - 05:04 AM

      Ahhh, the classic guest list dilemna. I know there are weddings where everyone has a +1 but that adds up fast, especially if your wedding is in the States. For us, the per person price wasn't too high so it wasn't a money thing, we just felt like we only wanted people there that we knew. Now, the tricky thing with a DW is that you are asking someone to travel, and flying for hours into a foreign country is something that some people may not want to do alone. We didn't tell anyone not to bring a guest, and in the end there were only 3 "dates" we didn't know.

      There should have been 4 - a BM brought a female guest that was a straight bit@h. We figured this out the first night we met her at the bachelor/ette combo party. We uninvited her to the WD and wedding because we didn't like her attitude. It was like, enjoy Mexico but we don't want your negative energy at our wedding and we can do that, so peace out! Luckily the feeling was mutual so it went smoothly, but DH & Co. were fully prepared to wait at the dock and not let her board the boat to the wedding - seriously!

      Maybe tell your guest/s it is for close friends and family only, but expect resistance and maybe even some bad blood. It's your event so handle it like you want to...good luck!

      #3 becks



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        Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:17 AM

        I'd have to concur. Tell them its family and close friends only.

        I guess you can tell them that they are welcome to travel with their SO, and that if space allows (because heaven knows some people won't come), you might be able to squeeze them in, but that you can't make any promises.

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        #4 Alyssa

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          Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:52 AM

          i am going to take the other side of the coin. i think that asking someone to travel to another country for your party is a lot, no matter what and then telling them that they have to come alone is kind of a slap in the face

          #5 dragonfly

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            Posted 16 January 2008 - 11:06 AM

            Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008
            i am going to take the other side of the coin. i think that asking someone to travel to another country for your party is a lot, no matter what and then telling them that they have to come alone is kind of a slap in the face
            I am with you on this one, it is something that must be factored in when having a dw

            #6 LCBride2007


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              Posted 16 January 2008 - 11:12 AM

              Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008
              i am going to take the other side of the coin. i think that asking someone to travel to another country for your party is a lot, no matter what and then telling them that they have to come alone is kind of a slap in the face
              i kind of agree here, but here's my explanation. if i was invited to a DW without a guest, and didn't really know anyone else, i probably just wouldn't go. that's my caveat ... "if i didnt' really know anyone else." we put "and guest" for most people, but that's also because most people that aren't married are at least dating someone serious. we actually usually just put their name. for the couple that weren't with someone, we didn't put "and guest" but we also knew that they were traveling with the huge group of friends, and that none of the guys were bringing their girlfriends. and then i also told these single guys on the side, if they wanted to bring a date, they were more than welcome to. this is asking people to take their vacation time to travel to another country (in my case) - i felt like they should at least be able to bring a date/friend!

              #7 boscobel

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                Posted 16 January 2008 - 11:54 AM

                I agree with Alyssa and Kelly. Nobody wants to be invited without a guest to a wedding. Espcially if they are traveling so far to get there.

                I used to be the friend that was invited to all the weddings with no guest when I didn't have a boyfriend for a few years, and it really sucked. I made sure that we were able to invite people's significant others and anyone over a certain age has the choice to bring a date, b/c I used to be upset. Seeing all my friend get married and have no one myslef. It was depressing.

                #8 deleted

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                  Posted 16 January 2008 - 12:15 PM

                  We invited everyone with a guest just because I didn't want them to feel forced to travel internationally alone if they didn't want to. However, almost no one who wasn't married even used their "and guest". And the ones who brought their guest had a great vacation, which is what we wanted them to have when we decided to have a DW. I think if it's possible you should try to be inclusive. I know it's hard on the budget though, and you have to figure out what works for you.

                  #9 neen

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                    Posted 16 January 2008 - 01:00 PM

                    I really think it depends on how many +1s you have to invite. If you're having 30 guests and half would people you don't know, I don't think you need to do the +1. But if you're having 100+, then its hard not to justify the few extra people...
                    My thinking is we want our guests to have a great time at our DW and those chances are up'd if they have a partner in crime for the weekend...

                    #10 cheese_diva

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                      Posted 16 January 2008 - 01:16 PM

                      When hotels are involved you have double occupancy rates. I don't think it would be fair to say you have to room with cousin so and so.. If people don't want to bring their dates they can choose to room up but I think you should give them that option.
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