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amandalovesryan

Who is paying for what?

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it is not that I expect the gift. It is this: I guess where we come from it is still the traditional thing for the bride's family to pay for the wedding, dress, yada, yada. The groom's family still pays for the rehersal dinner, the alcohol, and so on. It is not whether or not they help us financially. Like I said, I am having the free wedding and only upgrading the cake and the steel drum band. My parents are paying for that and our travel. Which like i said before, I am so greatful for! What I do expect, is an offer to my parents as to what they can do! That to me is common courtesy. FMIL knows what our expenses are so she could have at least called my mom. Or for that matter, called my mom to see if she needs any help planning the shower. I guess by her not calling my mom, i am starting to feel like it is her way of putting the wedding off and the longer she puts it off, the more she does not have to think about her precious son getting married.

IT is not that I expect them to pay! I do however expect them to try to help, either in asking questions about it or calling to see how plannning is going!

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Most of my friends and family's parents paid for their weddings or at least contributed heavily, and they were all adults living on their own at that point. I do not think it is outdated and I don't want to feel guilty just because people on this board are not in that situation.

 

I've been otherwise financially independent and have not relied on my parents for anything else home, car, or living related, and I've thrown them many parties (60th birthdays, anniversary parties, etc.) with my own money, so I think it is just a tradition that some people continue to follow. By choosing a destination wedding, I've cut our guestlist in half of what my sister had, so I'm definitely being considerate and not taking advantage! I'm aiming for 1/2 the budget they offered, just because I think it is ridiculous otherwise.

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Don't anyone go feeling guilty because you have people in your life that want to help!

 

In reading over this thread it does kind of seem that those who paid for it 100% are really proud (which is great) but it also seems that they are upset that other people didn't have to. Well that's how it reads anyways, sorry for being frank.

 

And I'll say this again, some people who paid for the wedding themselves accepted large cash bonuses afterwards so what is the difference, really? You're still adults taking money from parents, you know?

 

I don't think most people expect, or demand, someone to pay for their wedding but if it's something that has been custom from their experience, in their life, is it that unreasonable that they would suggest it?

 

Some people never suggest it and it gets offered to them (like me). So I accepted the money in advance of the wedding instead of cashing the check afterward. Different strokes and they're all good :o)

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Jamy, you said it a lot better than I could. Money is always a touchy subject, I really hope no one is offended or upset by this thread.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by starchild View Post
Don't anyone go feeling guilty because you have people in your life that want to help!
no kidding! no one is passing judgement, including myself. i took $$ from parents for both of my weddings. do what works for ya!

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Do you think his parent's feel out of the loop or maybe will help out if hinted, I understand you want them to ask or show that they want to help.

 

I had a conversation with my FMI and she told me she felt that the wedding planning belonged to the bride and bride's family but she wanted to be part of it. I felt that she felt akward in bringing up the subject.

 

 

We're paying for our elopement and reception entirely. Both my and Fi's parents aren't able to help out financially so I'm asking both sides to help with little things.

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Technically, in the olden days the groom or his family paid for the honeymoon, groom's attire, bride's bouquet, and the rehersal dinner.

 

My mom is helping us out A LOT because my dad isn't paying for anything. Not because he can't afford it...whole 'nother story involving a crazy step-mom.

 

FI's brother is getting married 3 weeks before us so I don't know what to expect from them. The brother is having a very traditional wedding with an expensive rehersal. I certainly don't expect them to pay, but it's more the thought (or lack thereof) that counts. We've had some major issues with equity on FI's sideof the family and this feels like a lack of support.

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Yeah, I even heard the grooms's family paid for the band, but these days, I only hear about rehearsal dinners. Most couples I know pay for their own honeymoon. Money issues are all tricky. I guess take what is offered with gratitude and do what you can on your own otherwise!

 

And it would have been destination for most of my family no matter what, since they are on the east coast, and if I didn't have it in Mexico, I would have had it in Los Angeles, so I ended up saving them some $$ in travel expenses, as LA is pricey these days.

 

And ye

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