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Alyssa

Babies on the Brain...Discussion topic...

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this is really random but i am now 32 and have always known that i wanted to have children but have never really been that excited about it, the idea of being pregnant, the responsibility, the way it changes your life, the loss of freedom and the potential change to your career, etc.

 

i grew up the youngest in a small family and don't have that much experience with babies, some of my friends now have babies and (embarrasing!) i have never even changed a diaper!

 

i really like babies but i feel like i don't know how to relate to them and i think i get more animated when i see puppies on the street which makes me look like a total baby hater LOL

 

FI and i have been together for over 4 years and just recently we have both been talking about children more and more. we both want to wait until we are married for at least a year and still feel like we are not in any rush but i have been thinking about motherhood so much more than usual. we both agree that if we were younger we would probably wait another 5 years but we have to face the reality of the biological clock.

 

especially on here, it really seems like the majority of new brides either want to or try to get pregnant on their honeymoons...did you always feel like that?

 

does the desire to procreate become stronger the closer you get to being married? (i personally feel that the desire to have a baby has gotten stronger b/c of how much i love my FI - like i want to have his children and watch them learn from him and grow together)

 

do you feel like marriage and babies go hand in hand?

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Good discussion topic. Whenever people ask how long we will wait to have kids, I always say "I love puppies". I feel the same way you do, I don't relate to babies. Now toddlers, they are a different story. once a baby is 1, I am totally in love with them. And I have always felt that way also. I can't imagine NOT having kids, but I kinda can't imagine having them either...

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Carly - i hear you - i love toddlers and kids, even teenagers, i like to be able to have a conversation with them - is that really f--ked up or what?

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I've always LOVED babies... so I guess I personally am no help. However, my sister was VERY much like you. She never wanted to hold babies much less change a diaper! But, they wanted a family. She would always joke around that I would raise the baby until they were one and then she'd have them :) Well, now that she has my niece she is totally different. She was SO attached to her as a baby. She still likes the stage she's in now better (toddler), but the baby part came very natural to her and we were all very shocked. I guess you look at the baby differently when it's your own.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tlseege View Post
I've always LOVED babies... so I guess I personally am no help. However, my sister was VERY much like you. She never wanted to hold babies much less change a diaper! But, they wanted a family. She would always joke around that I would raise the baby until they were one and then she'd have them :) Well, now that she has my niece she is totally different. She was SO attached to her as a baby. She still likes the stage she's in now better (toddler), but the baby part came very natural to her and we were all very shocked. I guess you look at the baby differently when it's your own.

my mom always says that "it's different when it's your own". i am sure it is and i think i will be a great mother - i think being on the forum and watching all of women get married and come back pregnant has stuck a cord inside of me - so many people want that and i don't (not yet anyway - let's see what i am saying next year at this time haha) ... really interesting

oh and i always joke my 2 friends that they are going to have come and live with us and be our nanny!!!!

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This is sort of a weird topic for me.... I was in a relationship for 7 years with a guy who I didn't want to have kids with, for many reasons. That ended without us ever being married (THANK GOD) and then I met Mike. We are both 30 years old and I totally want to have kids with him but I feel like I'll have to do it right away. I'm not sure how I feel about that because I don't think I'm ready to give up my selfish ways yet. I know I will be a good mother and I love kids, but.....

 

Then we get into the whole issue of can I get pregnant.... We spend so many years trying to prevent pregnancy and when we're ready we find out it will be really difficult or not possible. You have all of the conversations and decide, yes I want kids and then there's an issue, or high-risk or something. That's what I'm afraid of.

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Well, my situation is a bit different. I got pregnant and had my daughter at 17. I love my daughter with all that I am although I am glad that I had her early and unexpected. I am not a "baby" person. I dont want this to sound harsh and ungrateful but I do not want more children. I love babies as long as they are someone else's. My friends have small children and I can play with them but then I am ready for them to go home. I think part of my reluctancy to have more kids comes from my experience with my daughter. It has been hard. I know most of that is b/c I had her so young. I was 7 months pregnant when I graduated high school. I never married her father (he was, and still is, an ass). I have had to do most of this on my own (although my mom helped a lot, she doesnt replace a "partner/husband/father"). Financially, buying a home, sending myself to college, working full-time, school full-time, making sure daughter has all that she needs and some of what she wants. She is now 15 and the emotional part of her life (boys, peer pressure, school) has given a new definition to the term "difficult raising a child". I know all parents go through some of these obstacles but maybe it helps to explain my reason for not wanting to procreate any more. I even checked into being a surrogate for a family. They decided to go another route b/c it had been so long since I had my daughter (they were going to spend a lot of $ so they wanted someone who they felt could "more certainly" give them a child). Anyway...just my thoughts...hope I didn't come across as an ungrateful heifer.

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I've always known that I wanted kids. And for the most part, I like kids. I'm not automatically "in love" with every baby/child I see. I connect w/ some of of them, don't with others. I think that's normal. Babies are people too! lol! Sometimes personalities click and sometimes they don't.

 

All that being said, before I got married I was cool w/ waiting at least a few years to have babies. DH and I talked about it, had a plan etc. Well....after being married a few months, buying and settling into a house etc. I just felt a lot more ready for kids. And then started wanting to have a baby...asap! lol! So for me I think it was a progression of things and my desire to have a baby definitely became more immediate once I was in a position that I felt really secure and comforatble in. Honestly, I think that's just biology! lol! It's somehow easier to imagine caring for a child when you're secure in your partnership and place in life (work, home, money etc) Or at least it was for me.

 

:-) I think it's cool and fun that you're starting to get "baby crazy" ;-) It's a slippery slope though...once you decide that's what you want, it's hard to get it out of your head! lol!

 

Good luck!!

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There are all kinds on here - some that never want children, some that didn't think they did but now do, some that do but just not yet, and some that have always known they wanted children. All very honorable choices, it's a very personal decision. I have a ton of respect for people that choose not to have kids.

 

I have always known I wanted children - badly - I have always wanted a family, and couldn't wait until the time was right. I was always the neighborhood babysitter, and everyone knows that when there is a baby or child in hte room, I am more likely to spend them with them than the adults. It's a sickness, really. lol

 

While I always knew I wanted them, I didn't get married just so I could have babies. I wanted to wait until the time was right. I've always said that there's a difference between wanting a baby, and wanting to be a mother - at least there is to me. I've always "wanted a baby" but I am now ready to be a mother.

 

But my situation is a little different - I was married before, and had that worked out I'd probably have at least 2 kids by now. I was ready a little while ago. But I am 33, will be 34 in January, and am just ready now. And I don't think most people should really worry about it at that age - but my diabetes makes it a lot more complicated - I am already a high-risk pregnancy. All of his siblings didn't have kids until their late 30s or 40s. And yes, that did come into play when deciding to have kids now rather than wait a year. But really, Paul and I are ready to make a family. He's also always known he wanted to be a father - so we're a good match!

 

I have no idea if what I said makes any sense - it was more of a brain dump!

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