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Think Before you Speak


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#1 jlink78

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    Posted 26 October 2007 - 03:23 PM

    Enjoy!
    -------------------------------------------

    Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!

    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...

    Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

    FIRST TESTIMONY:

    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

    SECOND TESTIMONY:

    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhapp y with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

    THIRD TESTIMONY:

    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

    FOURTH TESTIMONY :

    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

    FIFTH TESTIMONY:

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training a nd I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked do wn his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled " SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on thei! r tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

    LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

    This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, b ut half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

    #2 Alyssa

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      Posted 26 October 2007 - 03:30 PM

      too FUNNY!

      #3 NYJen

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        Posted 26 October 2007 - 04:12 PM

        Those are HYSTERICAL!!!!

        #4 MsShelley

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          Posted 26 October 2007 - 04:17 PM

          Too Funny!!

          #5 Amy&Andy

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            Posted 26 October 2007 - 04:59 PM

            Thanks for the laugh. Too funny.......I have one for you though.......
            My mom is a high school business teacher and she taught freshman beginning keyboarding before we all automatically knew how to type at birth! She was talking about how some people look at the keyboard and type one letter at at time....the term is "hunting and pecking." So she followed up the statement by saying....."so if there are any hunters and peckers out there......." Needless to say...her class couldn't stop giggling and she was thoroughly embarassed!

            #6 Spazz

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              Posted 26 October 2007 - 05:01 PM



              #7 TATrisha

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              Posted 26 October 2007 - 05:06 PM

              I have to share my instance of this yesterday. So, I was driving my three other co-workers back to work after our lunch break. We somehow started talking about eating squid. I hate it. So I proceeded to say "I hate how I can feel their testicles in my mouth." I didn't realize what I was saying until they were laughing so hard I thought I was going to have a puddle to clean up. Dang it. Think, then speak. TENTICLES!

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              #8 Christine

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              Posted 26 October 2007 - 06:31 PM

              so funny, I just had to read the 5th one outloud to DH
              Christine + Will (married 7/20/07) + Ainsleigh (born 6/25/08) + Nolan (born 11/9/10) + Delaney (born 12/31/13) = One Very Happy Family!

              #9 jlink78

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                Posted 30 October 2007 - 10:39 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Tlseege
                I have to share my instance of this yesterday. So, I was driving my three other co-workers back to work after our lunch break. We somehow started talking about eating squid. I hate it. So I proceeded to say "I hate how I can feel their testicles in my mouth." I didn't realize what I was saying until they were laughing so hard I thought I was going to have a puddle to clean up. Dang it. Think, then speak. TENTICLES!
                Ha! My mother made the same exact mistake on a crowded train on our way out of NYC. She said she was really full because of all the "testicles" she ate...she meant tenticles because we had fried calamari with dinner! It was hysterical.




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