IMO, yes, asking people you are not inviting to your wedding to attend your shower, my sound like you want the best part of both worlds, a inexpensive wedding and all the gifts you would have gotten if you would have getting married at home. We have to remember that wedding presents are in fact something that we get from our guest to help us cover or recover from the wedding expenses.
I would definitely be upset of being invited to a shower (for a gift) and not being important enough to get invited to your wedding. I had a BIG engagement party, and I will invite everyone that attended the party, I know of course that not everyone is going to come, maybe a third or less...
I will also pass on having a bridal shower since the meaning of a bridal shower or "send off the happy couple" is to give presents to the couple. I also decided on not to have a registry, many people say I should still have it but I really feel that having a register or honey moon wish registry is asking people that are attending my wedding to spend money on a present, or, why would I ask people to help me have a honey moon after they have spend so much money attending my wedding, not even if they are coming to at AHR. I feel the HM should be the couple's expense's, not my family and/or guest.
Originally Posted by Kasey04
I feel your pain on the awkward factor surrounding showers and a small destination wedding. It's such a catch 22. Extended family and acquaintances get upset because they weren't invited to the wedding. But then if you invite them, they are put off because they think you are just looking for a gift. And that's something else that kind of bugs me. I would ONLY say this on here where other brides would understand where I'm coming from, but don't you fee like you might be getting the short end of the stick when it comes to wedding gifts? I don't want any gifts from people attending the wedding, their presence truly is all the gift I could ask for. But for people not attending, I feel like there's this attitude of "I'm not attending your wedding, so why would I get you a gift?". And it might be all in my head...but I feel like I wouldn't feel so weird about the gift thing if I was having a traditional local wedding.
I've also heard that you don't invite people to a shower unless you invite them to the wedding. So my thinking is, I will ask my mom and sister to word the invitation as less of a "shower" wording and more like a "send off the happy couple to become husband and wife". And my mom brought up a good point. Traditional wedding etiquette doesn't always transfer to a destination wedding. If everyone knows your having a DW, I would think that it would be ok to invite them to a local party (shower or AHR) to give them the chance to celebrate with you guys.