Hmmm. Ok I was in the same situation as you. I have 11 uncles and aunts, 37+ first cousins, and too many 2nd and 3rd cousins to count. That's on my dad's side alone, and they're all here in the U.S., in NYC, and most live within a 15 block radius of one another. My mom's family all live in Dominican Republic, where we are getting married (thankfully they live on the other side of the country and I'm not close with them at all). So...I felt completely obligated to invite every single aunt/uncle from my dad's side since I live in the NYC area and see them often, and at bare minimum 1st cousins which most are married, with kids. We simply couldn't afford it. We decided to go with a destination wedding because it was always my dream and I could also honor my parents in some way by having it in their homeland, and obviously it would be more affordable. My dad told me I HAD to invite every single aunt/uncle with their families from his side, even despite the knowledge most couldn't attend due to finances/work schedules/child care. You know what? I also had to make the hard decisions and decided, NOPE. I'm only inviting those that I'm truly close with, and if they go, great, if not, then whatever. If they want to celebrate my marriage and wish me well, they can send a card with well wishes or give me & FI a warm hug to congratulate us. I don't even expect a gift, it's completely fine. My dad isn't very happy with my decision, but we are paying for our own wedding and we have all the say in the decisions made. I also knew I would be considered hoity-toity but I just couldn't let that weigh me down. Besides..invitations can be expensive, so why would I want to pay the extra invitation $'s on people I know for a fact are not going?
My FI thinks I'm not nice by not inviting my extended family. I just tell him if he wants them there than he can pay for it from his half of the budget, lol. By the way, I'm sadly not inviting most of my mom's family. I'm only inviting 1 of her sisters which she talks to frequently and my cousin (the sister's daughter) and their respective spouses. I doubt that they'll be able to make it because it will be very expensive. This is also a bit hard-nosed of me, but I didn't want to spend my entire wedding by awkardly making conversation with a bunch of people I haven't seen in over 15 years...not to mention the language barrier since they only speak spanish and most of my guests only speak english. AWKWARD! lol.
Originally Posted by kllyjansen
Hello everyone :-)
I have an enormous family. Huge. This is exactly the reason that a destination wedding is for us. Our destination wedding will likely have 50-60 guests, and that is going to be considerably smaller than anything we could have had in the states
Despite the fact that very few of my large family will actually attend our Mexican wedding due to finances and young children, we are sagely preparing our budget as if every invitation we send will be accepted. To limit the list, I will only send invitations to my aunts and uncles even though I would rather my adult cousins have the opportunity to attend our wedding and though they are more likely to be able to attend than the aunts/uncles... I had to make a hard-nosed cutoff somewhere. We are planning to have an informal get-together at home sometime after the wedding.
I am sending every aunt and uncle an invitation despite the fact that I do not expect 90% of them to attend. The point here is that I could not invite some (but not all) without risking hurt feelings.
So I have 2 questions regarding invitations and/or save-the-dates:
1. I don't care, however I will likely be considered 'hoity-toity' for having a destination wedding. I do not expect or demand that any of my extended family come, I am only sending the invitations because I want them to know that each aunt and uncle have been considered equally. That said, I want to give my guests an "easy out" so that they do not feel uncomfortable or pressured to join us. I figured I would say something to the effect of "I understand that not everyone will be able to join us on our big day so we will be having a small reception when we return". I feel like I should put this on the Save-the-Date so that people know my expectation level right up front. Thoughts on timing or wording?
2. I will address these invitations to my aunts and uncles however if the can not attend but wanted to give their seat to their children/my adult cousins, that would be ok with me. Essentially 2 members from every family are invited. Though I don't really care which 2, it can not exceed that number. Is it even possible to communicate this?
I look forward to your responses. All this planning can be so worrisome but I can be thick-skinned about my decisions so long as I feel like I am doing the "correct" thing.