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Bridesmaid Advice


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Hi everyone

 

Sorry this a little long. I have a lot on my mind and I thank anyone with the patience to read this for their help.

 

I am having a problem with my bridesmaids and I was hoping for some unbiased advice. I have chosen 3 bridesmaids,  My friend Trina whom I have known for 20 yrs, my friend Amber whom I have known for 15 years and we used to be super close but have grown apart, and my sister in law Erin whom I have only known about 5 years but she is and awesome person and a fabulous aunt to my daughter.

Here is my dilemma, Trina  has been helpful with my wedding (all be it more then a little controlling, since she is married and thinks that she is an expert lol) she wants to be my moh and gets really angry when I tell her that I am having a hard time choosing and she says that know one else would be okay. Now I understand where she is coming from but I hate that she is being so controlling and not understanding that I am trying to be as fair as possible, not to mention that she said she'd be really angry if I didn't choose her. She also keeps getting angry that her husband isn't a groomsman even though my fiance doesn't really know him, she doesn't want her hubby left out which I respect and my FI said he can come along with the guys but not be a groomsman since he doesn't know him and only wants the guys he is closest to up there with him. Now Amber and I have drifted apart but she is still always there when I need her and vice versa, she may not even make it to Mexico which I understand. She said that Catrina shouldn't be my moh and that it's silly that I am having a hard time. Amber also has no interest in the wedding, I don't expect her to drop everything but it would be nice if she responded to the group emails that i send and at least try to have some input when  I ask a question. (maybe I am wrong) I did ask if she got the email and she said yes, she honestly isn't very reliable anyway so i guess I can't be too surprised. That's the part about Amber that worries me, I really need someone reliable. Erin has been super helpful, guiding me along since she has also done a destination wedding but she isn't pushy about it, she just suggests things. She is super laid back and just goes with the flow which I love and I feel we get closer all the time especially since she married my FI's brother. She isn't even bothering me about he MOH thing she says I should just pick whomever I want and not care what others think and she right. For that reason I have been leaning towards choosing her, she isn't giving me a hard time and has been super helpful and as I said before easy going.

 

What Do you ladies think I should do? I hate hurting peoples feelings but I know that one way or the other someone is upset.

 

Thanks for your help and sorry this was so long.

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what is keeping you from wanting to choose Trina as your MOH? Is it just that you are feeling closer to Erin, and she's been more helpful during the planning process? 

 

And Trina needs to back off about her husband being a GM (ok, maybe it's just that I think she needs to back off period). That just isn't appropriate!!! 

 

 

Idunno, I would lean towards not choosing a maid of honor between the two, and not having one at all (just 2 BMs). I think I would say it more like "I can't choose, and you both/all three are very important to me. thank you for standing up with me as bridesmaids!" and just leave it at that... 

 

 

 

 

 

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I think the reason I am hesitant about choosing Trina is that she is demanding it and being rather rude about it. I mean I love her dearly but I feel like there are lines that she is crossing esp when it comes to the groomsman thing.  I like the idea of just having them both as bridesmaids that is a really good idea and probably the best option.

Thanks so much for your advice!!

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  • 8 months later...

I think its pretty ridiculous that Trina wants her husband to be in the bridal party - she needs a wake up call to realize this is not about her. Sorry - but I had to be blunt on that issue.

 

Anyways, with respect to the MOH situation, I agree with the other girls. Maybe it is not necessary to pick one.

My FI and I decided to not pick a BM or MOH and we have 4 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids and to keep it simple we are just putting everyone in height order - that way no one can get upset.

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I am sorry that you are facing this as a problem! Bridesmaids should not put any Bride in a position that you are facing. They should just be honored that you have asked them to be part of your special day! I have 7 bridesmaids one which is married and I have know her since we were in 4th grade so she is my Matron of Honor and I have also picked my sister which is not married to be you Maid of Honor so they utlimately are they the same. But to be honest all 7 of my bridesmaids are what I consider extremely close and are considered a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor. None of my FI's groomsmen are of my friend husbands and I dont think the guy really care it is just the Bridesmaid that cares. Im sure her husband will be just as happy to be part of the festivities and he doesn't have to pay for the suit...haha. Maybe you can come up with special names for each individual bridesmaid with different roles so that each will feel that they have an important place instead of just calling one a MOA. Im not sure if this helps but I sure whatever you decide everything will work out in the end and your special day will be just as you envisioned it. Best wishes!  

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I am sorry that you are facing this as a problem! Bridesmaids should not put any Bride in a position that you are facing. They should just be honored that you have asked them to be part of your special day! I have 7 bridesmaids one which is married and I have know her since we were in 4th grade so she is my Matron of Honor and I have also picked my sister which is not married to be you Maid of Honor so they utlimately are they the same. But to be honest all 7 of my bridesmaids are what I consider extremely close and are considered a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor. None of my FI's groomsmen are of my friend husbands and I dont think the guy really care it is just the Bridesmaid that cares. Im sure her husband will be just as happy to be part of the festivities and he doesn't have to pay for the suit...haha. Maybe you can come up with special names for each individual bridesmaid with different roles so that each will feel that they have an important place instead of just calling one a MOA. Im not sure if this helps but I sure whatever you decide everything will work out in the end and your special day will be just as you envisioned it. Best wishes!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am so sad that you are facing this.  I would just forgo having a MOH.  Keep everyone as BM, but ultimately, if you want a certain person, do what you want.  It is your day! Not Trina's.  Remind her that she had her dream day and now it is your turn.  Thank her for being so helpful, but in the end it is about you and your FI.  And just explain the groomsman thing...and agin rference her wedding...See how the shoe feels on the other foot!

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