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BrittneyD

A little sad today....

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I'm going to have to give you a little history, so this will make sense. My mom was really younf when she had me, and my biological father (Pat) was not around much. My mom got married a few year later, and he (Randy) adopted my sister and I. When Pat got married, we started to visit him each summer, but then he got divorced and that all ended. I went 10 years without seeing or talking to Pat until a couple of years ago. In the meantime, Randy was a physically abusive father, and I grew up terrified of him. When my mom left Randy, his temper slower started going away. My mom has been dating her boyfriend (Phil) for 12 years now. He has been a much better father figure in my life. He is not a very warm person, but he cares. I have finally reached a point with Randy, where I feel like there is a real realationship. I wish I could have that with Pat too. After coming back in my life, he dropped off the earth about a year or so ago. I tried to call him when I got engaged, and he never called back. Then I needed his address, and called about 20 times between my mom and I. He never called back. I know it is the right number. I just don't get it. My aunt says that he is upset that he is not in our lives, but he won't even call. I tried again today, but I know not to expect much. It just sucks that between 3 dads, I still feel like I missed out. =( Sorry this was so long.

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I am so sorry that you have had so much trouble trying to get in touch with your dad (Pat). As far as your relationships with them, I think you are doing all the right things and should just continue with your plans and hopefully he will call you back.

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That's a sad and difficult situation Brittney. It sounds like you are definitely putting forth the effort and doing what you can to establish a relationship with these men in your life. That's all you can do- they have to make an effort at some point, and it sounds like they've pretty much failed. I'm so sorry. But, you can still be a wonderful strong person with only one active parent.

 

My biological mother decided she didn't want any kind of a relationship with my brother and I when I was 18. I struggled for many years coming to terms with this, but when I realized I could survive without her, and be happy to have the one great parent I do have (my dad), I became a much happier person. Try to get to that place, and hopefully they will start doing a better job. If not, you know you tried, and that's all you can do.

 

Big hug sweetie...

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I'm sorry that you are going through this. Saddness and stress is never fun, especially when this is suppose to be such a happy and exciting time for you. I hope that Pat can find it in himself to "man-up" and show his support. He is probably embarressed that he has lost contact with you, and hasn't called you back. I hope he can swallow his pride and come around. If not, remember you two are starting your own family now. You have a clean slate to write your "family story", filled with love, happiness, and trust.

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hugs... i can so relate i had 2 dads and now neither one are in my life...my brother will walk me down the isle.. between good paople in my life and a lot of therepy i have put this in a BETER place... I think i have always felt a loss but i now know they just didnt know how to love.....i was also adopted by a stepfather who was also abusive so our storys are very similar...i wish you much love and you are never alone...never....good luck it sounds like you have done all you can do it is his loss...hugs erica

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Sometimes no matter how much a parent might want to be in their children's lives, the guilt & pain they feel about the past prevents them from changing the relationship. They just don't know how to deal with it, so it becomes easier for them to just avoid it.

 

I have a similar situation-- I've only spoken to my mother once on the phone in my entire life. She has had numerous opportunities to be included in my life, but has chosen not to. I always thought it was about me--- that she didn't feel strongly enough about me to even make an effort. After a conversation with my uncle, I realized it was about her--- she felt so much guilt and pain about the past that she couldn't risk having to touch those feelings, much less deal with them. And I am the reminder of those feelings.

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Brittney, I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine. It sounds like you are such a strong person and any man would be proud to be your father. Just keep doing what you're doing and hopefully he will come around.

 

Hugs to all of you girls with similar situations hug2.gif

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