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I fired my MOH :( need some advice.


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#1 KelandJay81

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    Posted 20 July 2011 - 04:42 PM

    So without saying too much (or it wouldn't honestly be a book of unfortunate events), I "fired" my MOH on Monday. This was one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had to have. I had a nervous breakdown after she left my house, to the point where I actually couldn't even breathe. I just didn't think this would ever happen.

     

    I feel really sad about having to do it but you sort of get to the final straw when she calls you up and says she is dreading going to your wedding and hates the other bridesmaids... that's the short version there is much more to it but I don't want to get into it all. I also feel like due to her actions she was fishing for an out.

     

    What I do want to ask your opinion on is, once things blow over, I still would still like her to be there on my wedding day, afterall she is one of my closest friends. Is it wrong for me to tell her that I would still like her there and I would even be happy if she would still do a speech? Maybe we will build up to the latter request.

     

    She has been my friend for 24 years, I just don't think that this was the right position for her. It is bad timing in her life and that is okay. We can't do everything but unfortunately I think some of her other stresses crossed over and caused her to not act like herself. She obviously doesn't see it that way but I wonder if over time she will realize that it was a decision based on what is best for both of us. And she will be happier not having to plan the shower, take on any financial burden or deal with my other 6 bridesmaids, etc. 

     

    So when do I try to reach out to her? To add to the "drama", her hubby is also a groomsman... so does my FI contact him and ask if he still wants to be part of the day? I just don't know what to do.

     

    I am the least dramatic person ever, so I find it very ironic that my wedding is ending up being so dramatic.

     

    I am not replacing her, I am just not having a MOH anymore. I still want her to be there, she is just not a good fit for the bridal party.

     

    Help!  please...

     


    Riu Ocho Rios, Jamaica
    January 12, 2012

    51 Booked!!! Wooooo hoooo!
    Our Wedding Website


    #2 clgriffi7

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      Posted 20 July 2011 - 05:35 PM

      I would say definitely wait to bring up anything about a speech - start with just saying that you would still love for her to attend the wedding as a guest.  Since I am a low drama person and non-confrontational, I would likely send her a note via email.

       

      I would just assume that her husband will remain a groomsmen unless he says something to your fiance.  It might be a good idea to prep your fiance with what you would want him to say in the event that the groomsmen brings up the topic.

       

      Best of luck - but at least you will have less drama leading up the wedding without her as a MOH.



      #3 beachbum21

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        Posted 20 July 2011 - 05:58 PM

        Oh wow! It's awful that whatever happened came to that! :(

        I would probably give it a little bit of time before talking about speeches, etc... I would definitely let her know you still want to be there though! Was she really upset? Or did she take it well?

        Maybe she was relieved because as you said, timing wasn't right?

        Either way, give her a little time to let it sink in and then let her know given your long lasting friendship you still really want her to be there and would really love it if she could say a few words on your special day, despite the recent dramatic events and that you hope your she understands your decision was made thinking about both of you, and how she was making you feel and how you felt about her circumstances or whatever drove you to your decision.  Whatever you do, I don't envy you one bit! Good luck :(



        #4 KelandJay81

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          Posted 21 July 2011 - 04:12 PM

          Thanks Ladies, I really appreciate your feedback.

           

          She was very upset. She actually stormed out of my house saying "clearly 24 years of friendship means nothing to you." I think she just needs a breather before I talk with her too. I think she was too emotional to think straight and hopefully she will realize that this doesn't have to be a friendship breaker. 

           

          I love her so much. I don't envy me either... Argh! 


          Riu Ocho Rios, Jamaica
          January 12, 2012

          51 Booked!!! Wooooo hoooo!
          Our Wedding Website


          #5 ScorpioBride

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            Posted 22 July 2011 - 04:10 PM



            Originally Posted by KelandJay81 

             

            I love her so much. I don't envy me either... Argh! 



            I actually DO envy you. I wish I had some people that loved me enough to be bridesmaids, alas I don't have a single one.

             

            Anyway this isn't about me, it is about you, and I wanted to know if she was demoted to a regular bridesmaid or cut from the lineup altogether? I would demote her, not cut her off completely. I can see her being very upset if she went from MOH to just a guest.

             

            I honestly think you are incredibly lucky with 6 bridesmaids traveling to your DW. That alone is more than half my guest count.

             

             



            #6 anna524

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              Posted 22 July 2011 - 10:25 PM

              i hope you are able to work everything out. Im sure you guys will stay close friends!



              #7 lovepea

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                Posted 25 July 2011 - 12:21 PM



                Originally Posted by KelandJay81 

                Thanks Ladies, I really appreciate your feedback.

                 

                She was very upset. She actually stormed out of my house saying "clearly 24 years of friendship means nothing to you." I think she just needs a breather before I talk with her too. I think she was too emotional to think straight and hopefully she will realize that this doesn't have to be a friendship breaker. 

                 

                I love her so much. I don't envy me either... Argh! 



                I think I would take things slowly with her.  Give her a little time to let it sink in what happened.  Then maybe even write a letter, telling her how you feel.  Like you told us, you love her, but it just wasn't working out for her to be your MOH.  Maybe even explain that you want to make it so that you both can enjoy the wedding, and you know she couldn't as your MOH and that you didn't want to make her suffer. 

                 



                #8 jamieirene

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                  Posted 25 July 2011 - 12:32 PM

                  Yikes... Not the kind of thing you want to hear from your MOH (that she is dreading going to your wedding).  I think that from the sounds of it you are a very level headed person!  Most brides that would hear something like that would end up in a big fight with their MOH kick them out of their wedding and never speak to them again... It seems to me from reading this you are really trying to consider her feelings as well which is extremely nice of you considering it is your wedding and your down and out a MOH.  I would def. try and reach out to her still since she is still a good friend and espically a friend of 24 years! wow! I like the idea you had of a speech it still gets her to your wedding and includes her as a speical part with out any financial obligations....I think you did the right thing and I think you will work things out!  good luck!! Hope everything works out for the best! 



                  #9 kymish

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                    Posted 08 September 2011 - 03:12 PM

                    i agree with jamieirene 100 % .... hearing that shes dreading going to your wedding has to have stung ALOT !.... give her some time then try to talk it out... hopefully she will still attend as a guest. 24 years of friendship is alot to let go of :(
                     

                    Originally Posted by jamieirene 

                    Yikes... Not the kind of thing you want to hear from your MOH (that she is dreading going to your wedding).  I think that from the sounds of it you are a very level headed person!  Most brides that would hear something like that would end up in a big fight with their MOH kick them out of their wedding and never speak to them again... It seems to me from reading this you are really trying to consider her feelings as well which is extremely nice of you considering it is your wedding and your down and out a MOH.  I would def. try and reach out to her still since she is still a good friend and espically a friend of 24 years! wow! I like the idea you had of a speech it still gets her to your wedding and includes her as a speical part with out any financial obligations....I think you did the right thing and I think you will work things out!  good luck!! Hope everything works out for the best! 



                     






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