13 replies to this topic

[bebop]

After talking about when and where we want to get married (I never wanted a traditional wedding and he hates being the center of attention), we figured that a destination wedding may work out quite nicely for us.  NOW, he is freaking out about the costs it will take guests to get there and guests taking time out of their schedules to come to our wedding.  He acts as if the wedding is unworthy.  I keep telling him that this is for us.  My parents (who are footing the bill) and friends are totally psyched to be given an opportunity to take a vacation.  His family is getting mad that they don't get to choose where they vacation and how much money it will take to get there.  His family takes vacations EVERY year, usually multiple.  I have been on three vacations with them in the past two years which I have dutifully paid the flights.  Yet, they are mad because we choose to have a destination wedding in Cabo.  I realize that it is a bit more expensive to get to Cabo but I feel as if their reasoning is unjustified.  On top of this, his family is important to him (which I treasure) but they are totally swaying him to change his mind on a DW all together.  EEEK. 

 

[JayKay]

That is a tough situation.  My FI and I knew we wanted a DW but we had lots of negative feedback from both our families at first.  Some people didn't like the location or the resort we chose, some people thought it was to much money, others thought we were being selfish for asking them to pay to come all this way.  I realized that we can never made everyone happy, and if we would have had a wedding at home my FI or I would not have been happy with it.  We realized that its our wedding and we are going to do what we wanted to do, no matter what people say.  There will always be a few unhappy people with any decision you make.  Good luck with everything!

[jamieirene]

Wow...this is a tough situation. However in the long run it is up to the two of you and you alone! When we first decided to go back to Mexico where we got engaged for our wedding we decided to brace ourselves for the worst we sat down and thought if we do this there is a chance it could be just the two of us at are wedding would we be okay with this? And our answer was YES because this day is about the two of you and no one else. Your going to get those family memebers that say well why not here or there to which our answer has become because its our wedding not.yours! Stand your ground maybe sit down with you fi and talk about how its about.you two and no one else. Since we have done this we have had no problems with guests particularlly family memebers complaining. And we seems to have an ever growing guest list WAY more than we ever expect. If his family wants to be.there they will be there sheathed if its where they want to be or not! Just ignore all the negative and remind them who this is about! : )

[merrylee]

I agree this is about you and your FI, but also his feelings do matter.  One of the biggest issues we had is FI's dad.  His sister got married in Mexico last October and we knew that his dad probably wouldn't want to go back for our wedding.  So here we are 9 months away and we were told the from day one that Mexico isn't their idea of a vacation so they won't be attending.  I wanted FI to make the decision knowing his own dad wouldn't go.  Luckily a DW was more my FI's decision than mine but you both need to talk about how you feel and find a compromise.

[anichols8]

I agree with what has been said.  My FI and I have decided that even if it's only the two of us, we will be there and we will be happy.  Good luck!

[meBonidie2be]

Just know that this day should be about the love b/w u and ur man. It is nearly impossible to please everyone. Wish you all the best and hope things work out for you and ur FI

[canadiangirl]

wow that is rough, all i can really say to you is that at the end of the day it should be what you two want and no one else...we chose a DW because like you my FI is a private guy, not big on being the center of anything...this way only those who were near and dear to us would not only be invited but come.

 

What i would do and this is me lol is sit down with his fam just you and them and explain why your doing this and what this means to you and him, and next tell them that you luv and respect them but this is your day not theirs. I had the same convo with my FMIL and told her the same thing! ever since then she is not only on board, but is very supportive she just needed to say her concerns out loud lol

 

i hope this helps, but at least you know we B2B are here for u

[Manda123]

I agree with everything that has been said! Like Canadian girl, maybe you and your FI need to have a conversation with the naysayers that are close to you, the ones who you want there no matter what, and explain to them why you are choosing a DW. Good luck! Let us know how it goes. We're here for yoU!

[meBonidie2be]

Things getting any easier?

[anna524]

i hope you figured everything out and it got better