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islandbride8

ADVICE NEEDED!!!!

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My fiance and I have everything set for our June 29, 2011 civil ceremony at Majestic Elegance.  Most of the details have been set and we are both very excited about it!  His Dad is in bad health and his Mom won't travel and leave his Dad alone.  When we planned the DW we knew this was the case.  A lot of my family are coming to the wedding and only a few of his are talking about coming.  He says he has no problem with anything and that if I'm happy he's happy, but I'm not happy.  I want him to share his day with his parents.  I'm considering changing the civil ceremony to a symbolic one and have a very small (us and our parents only) civil wedding here so his parents can be a part of something.  I know I would be devastated if my parents weren't going to be there, but he isn't as close to his. I'm torn because I really wanted our wedding day to be our wedding day not days.  I don't want to get to DR and not feel like it's my wedding.  We don't have the budget to have an AHR, so if we stick with the civil ceremony there will be nothing for them to participate in...  I haven't mentioned anything yet to him or my family, just wanted to get some other opinions before I open this can of worms!  Thanks in advance!

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You can still have your civil ceremony at Majestic Elegance, and then once you get back maybe arrange just a marriage blessing with his parents? Or is there a traditional cultural ceremony that might be special for you all?

 

We weren't sure if FI's parents would be able to attend, and I planned on doing that. Luckily, they are able to attend.

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In this situation I would do a symbolic ceremony in DR (first) and then come home and do the legal ceremony with all of the parents.  You could then plan a nice dinner out after the civil ceremony for the 6 of you without it getting too pricey.

 

I plan on getting legally married first, but if you are worried that your DR ceremony would then not feel like your real wedding then you could get symbolically married first. 

 

For your legal ceremony there is the option of going to the courthouse or you can pay an officiant to marry you at a location of your choice.  I think I will have to do the latter because my fiance really wants our dog (this dog is his baby) to be involved and I am certain the doggy would not be allowed in the courthouse.

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I would be all for the symbolic first and legal later, but in the DR they won't do the symbolic unless you're already legally married.  I mentioned this too him the other night, he was touched that I thought of him, but he thinks it would take away from the ceremony at ME.  So i've gotten no where with this issue!   Thanks for your opinions and I would love to hear some more

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I don't think you need to worry.  You will be keeping everything quiet, no one will know you got married, you won't be celebrating and telling everyone - you probably won't even FEEL married?!

 

Then when you do it in the DR, you get to dress up, get all dolled up, have dinner and celebrate with more friends and family surrounding you.  I think this will feel more like you're wedding day, you know what I mean?

 

I say definitely do legal first, then symbolic in DR.  I wish I would have done it this way :)

 

Originally Posted by islandbride8 View Post

I would be all for the symbolic first and legal later, but in the DR they won't do the symbolic unless you're already legally married.  I mentioned this too him the other night, he was touched that I thought of him, but he thinks it would take away from the ceremony at ME.  So i've gotten no where with this issue!   Thanks for your opinions and I would love to hear some more



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I would add in the civil wedding at home first. I understand your dilemma because my FI and I debated for months on whether we wanted to do a symbolic or civil wedding in the DR (eventually "we decided" (I really gave in, lol) to do a civil one) and I'm sure the decision is harder when you need to factor in important family members who won't be there with you in the DR.

 

From what you've said so far, it kinda seems like you guys are looking at the symbolic one as it "taking away" from your wedding day because you'd be doing the civil one first. Remeber though that having his parents participate is probably going "to add" something very special to your entire experience of getting married. I think that's really important and based on you FI's previous reaction, I think it sounds like it would mean a lot to him (and probably his parents...most parents really dream of this day for their kids).

 

best of like deciding and planning :)

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From my experience, if your FI is telling you it doesn't bother him, than it shouldn't bother you as much if his parents do not come. It seems like he's more concerned about your worry of the legal ceremony first taking away from your wedding in Punta Cana.  Did his parents express any kind of desire to partake in something?  We've actually gone back and forth on this for other reasons and most recently we've decided to just to legal paperwork here before heading to the DR. We may have someone be "deputized for the day" who can just sign papers for us (we won't do vows, we won't exchange rings) and then have it mailed to arrive at the courthouse on the same day as our ceremony in the DR so we are legally married the day we are ceremonially married (if that makes any sense).  Maybe if your state has the option, you could deputize one of the in-laws and that way their signature would be on your marriage certificate and the other in-law can be one of the witnesses. Check withe the website for your local court and see what options they have.  That way you wouldn't REALLY be legally married until the paperwork is actually filed with the court.

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I think if I were in your shoes, I would plan a "dinner" with the parents before we depart, and go to the courthouse (or have an officient come to your home) and marry the two of you. Let your parents know how important it is for them to be a part of it, but that this is also not to be common knowledge to other people. That you will be using your DR wedding as your official wedding date. Then celebrate and enjoy your family... this is to be a happy time with the people you love, the date on your marriage certificate will not matter in your love for one another.

 

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thanks everyone!  I'm happy to report that we are having the legalities done here first.  His parents were very happy with our decision and so am I.  We swore them to secrecy (hopefully it stays a secret!).  We are going to keep it simple: go to the courthouse and then go to dinner.  We are going to celebrate our anniversary on our DW date.  Are those of you doing the courthouse thing going out of town???  We are going to go out of town, so there isn't an announcement in our local paper.

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