Update on not supportive family plus my first bridezilla moment!
Posted 20 September 2010 - 02:54 PM
I just need to vent! I am new to the forum and have already spent countless hours reading reviews and looking through amazing pictures.. More than ever this forum only reinforced what I already know to be true.. My heart is completely set on having a destination wedding.. My fiance and I love to travel and could not think of anything more romantic, more fitting, more special than to get married on a beach somewhere far away, with only our closest friends and families. My family however thinks it is the most ridiculous thing in the world.. His is just the opposite and support us fully. We are both Greek Orthodox, and the idea of not having the traditional church ceremony followed by a reception with 300 people just doesn't make sense to my family.. I recently informed my parents on our decision and it just caused havoc:( I told them that they would not need to contribute anything financially.. But they just did not want to hear about it.. I don't know what to do.. We have set the date for April 22, 2012(our seven year anniversary), so we do have time before invites and save the date's go out.. But I am afraid that my family will never accept what we want.. I do not know what to do.. I realize that should we go ahead with the DW the majority of my family will not attend.. Does that bother me? Of course! But not as much as it would hurt me to sacrifice what I want and have this wedding that I in no way shape or form ever saw for myself! My fiance and I have already selected the resort and the package and I have already started to drive the wedding coordinator crazy with my emails.. My fiance really wants to put down the deposit by the end of next month and send out our dace the date's by Jan/Feb.. How do I make my family see that I am not the traditional bride they want me to be..
Posted 20 September 2010 - 04:20 PM
I've been through the same thing over and over again, and in my case my parents were adamant on not going to my wedding, getting down to about 7 months to go and they are finally waking up and changing their minds...our engagement has been long and they kept thinking we would change our minds.
Honestly though you just answered your own question as to whether you want to continue to plan a DW wedding or not when you said it would be more of a sacrifice to not have the wedding you want.
Posted 20 September 2010 - 09:07 PM
I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same thing. But I came to the conclusion to continue on with the wedding just to say that "You did it the way it was suppose to be" then after the wedding make you and your husband life the way you want to live it. All in all you'll have the people who will be there that will make your Wedding joyous, memorable and worth having.
Posted 20 September 2010 - 09:43 PM
I feel for you I do. My fiances family are not attending! Whats most important is you and him!! No one else! After all, its your life and dreams, no one Else's! In time your family will come around and if they don't, they can only blame themselves with regret. Family's voice their opinions and that is fine, I'm sure they hope that we will come off this ride that were on and settle with what they want but they should know better! Your an adult and you have made an adult decision!!! CHEERS TO YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, YOU WILL NOT REGRET IF THIS IS YOUR DREAM
Posted 21 September 2010 - 03:01 AM
We are going through the opposite. My FI's parents keep coming up one excuse after another as to why they will not come and it is so frustrating.
It hasn't ended well. We are no longer talking, but I still plan to send them an invite as sort of a last effort.
The way we see it is, it's our wedding we get to call the shots. Since they aren't contributing financially, they don't get a say.
Before we got engaged, his mom always tlaked about how people were crazy to have big traditional weddings because they cost so much bla bla bla. Now the we are actually doing a DW, it's the opposite.
They have complained about cost, where we have decided to go, the activities we want to partake in, the people coming, the people not coming ... We have had enough.
Sorry to steal your rant! But I know exactly how you feel.
Posted 21 September 2010 - 03:51 AM
welcome to BDW! congrats
first of all, here is something to consider. im not positive if all resorts are the same, but from what i understand i dont think you can put a deposit down quite so early in the first place. most places ive read about are about a year out from the date, and you've got over a year and a half. have you decided on a specific place? might want to check with them to be sure.
either way, my biggest advice is this: do what makes YOUR heart happy. sometimes that means going ahead with the wedding of YOUR dreams. for other brides, it ultimately means making their family happy. looking back, so many of us did what our family wanted and wished we would have went thru with what WE really wanted to do instead (aka: ME!)
there is always the option of having a huge AHR (at home reception).
you did mention you told your parents they dont need to worry about contributing financially to the DW, so what about going ahead with the Big Fat Greek (Orthodox) Wedding at home, then also doing the DW for family and friends that WILL attend it. thats basically what i did, the more weddings, the merrier!
Posted 21 September 2010 - 05:21 AM
I think Abbie said it best. Do what makes YOU and FI happy. Rule number one of planning a DW someone will always complain...family, friends, someone. But it is important for you to do what makes you happy. If you can find a happy medium such as a DW but an AHR at home I am sure they may be willing to compromise. I remember tons of friends saying they couldn't make it, initially I had a small group of about 25 guests, as time went by people changed their minds when they realized we weren't changing our plans and if they didn't change their thinking they would be missing out on a very memorable experience. Now I am up to 41 and who knows it may still even go up from there. Do what makes YOU and FI happy and make it the decision that in the end you can live with. Good luck!
Posted 21 September 2010 - 09:50 AM
Thank you for making me feel better and putting everything into perspective for me. In the end whoever wants to be there on my special day will be.. I just hate this feeling of being stuck in my wedding plans.. So I'm just going to go ahead with it.. And deal with the havoc when the fam gets their save the dates in the mail;)
ps. Abbie-- the Royal will let you put down a $200 deposit to secure the date and location... But that's all I can really do.. Air and room packages I'd have to wait a while for:(
Posted 23 September 2010 - 07:27 AM
sorry about this and I hope things work out and make you happy!
Posted 23 September 2010 - 07:41 AM
First - Congratulations and welcome to the forum!!
It's a terrible place to be in, but I agree with everyone that said, you've got to do what makes you and your FI happy. Ultimately you guys have to live your lives, no one else has to walk in your shoes. We are dealing with this with FI's family and my father. When we told everyone that we had changed our minds (from a Catholic wedding) to a DW in Mexico, some of the people thought we were crazy. It has taken my father 6 months to realize that no matter what, we were doing it in Mexico and even though he didn't want to go, it wasn't going to stop my mother from going. Just this past weekend he has started to tell people he will be going.
With FI's family it's a little different. He doesn't speak to his mother much as it is, but that doesn't mean we do not want them there. She is a very religious person and because of that, she's very unhappy that we will not be having a catholic wedding. FI told her that we are not getting married for her... she had her chance to get married, now give us our chance!
Do what makes you and your FI happiest. You guys are the ones that will forever have the memories and pictures...make them what you want even if your family isn't being supportive... hopefully they will come around.
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