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I'm stuck!! What should I say? Add'l guests

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38 replies to this topic

#1 JanineA

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    Posted 16 August 2010 - 12:55 PM

    So I am a little stuck. I invited a friend of mine to our wedding. She and I were roommates for my last two years of university and my first two years after graduating. She recently sent me an e-mail asking if she can bring along her significant other to the wedding. They recently started dating and I am a bit torn as to how to answer her. I know it is weird for ppl to travel to a DW alone but its not like she won't know anyone else there, some of our other college friends will be there as well. We factored it all out and it will cost us (FI and I are paying for our own wedding) $255 for each guest. If she brings him I will be paying $255 for someone I have never met to attend my wedding and then it worries me that the other single ppl will want to bring their flavor of the month (two other persons have already asked since she called them to see if they were bringing anyone and they made it known that if she is able to bring him they want to bring dates...mind you one of them isn't even dating anyone seriously right now, but claimed it may be a chance for him to spoil one of his ladies). In all we have about 18 single people invited. I am just worried that if word gets out I will be paying out of my nose for a bunch of random people to be at my wedding. I tried to make a suggestion that he can come with her to the resort but I really prefer our wedding to just be our guests but she hasn't spoken to me since. What do I do?

    #2 hzak1203

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      Posted 16 August 2010 - 02:09 PM

      I am sorry to hear that and I totally know where you are coming from.  Maybe tell her what the cost is for each guest and how you don't have it in the budget and if she is willing to pay the $225 then he can come, but you shouldn't have to pay for people you do not know to attend your wedding and I think you were more than fair in saying he could come on the vacation, just not to the ceremony.  I am hearing the same thing and I honestly think that people don't realize how much it costs the bride/groom per person to attend.  Good luck!

      #3 bizzyangel

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      • 193 posts

        Posted 16 August 2010 - 02:21 PM

        I say you should probably tell her no and stress you have a really tight budget and the extra people here and there add up. I don't see a  problem for him to attend the vacation part and not the actual wedding like you suggested. Most guys are not really interested in weddings anyways.

        #4 MissSimone

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          Posted 16 August 2010 - 02:25 PM

          I agree with Hzak1203. You definitely should bring up the cost per person with your friend. Also let her know that you don't think it would be fair because you've already told other single ppl that they cant bring their S.O. If she's willing to pay for her S.O. or willing to have him come and not attend the wedding then I think it should be fine.

          #5 JanineA

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            Posted 17 August 2010 - 11:05 AM

            Hi ladies so I tried explaining to her the cost to FI and I of having each guest attend our wedding. Things didn't go too well. She started saying why would we have a wedding and expect people not to bring their S.O. I reminded her that she didn't have an S.O. initially when everything was sent out and her response was that no one should have a wedding if they can't afford each guest bringing at least one guest. I was so shocked that really I didn't even say anything back. I tried to explain that she could bring him just not to the ceremony and she said that was an even bigger slap in the face because it would be like bringing him and then excluding him. She went on to explain that HE said even if I changed my mind HE wouldn't let her go anyway.....really I'm still in shock as I am writing this. We kind of just ended the conversation after that with me just saying sorry. Like seriously I tried to be as understanding as I could. Perhaps one day when she is planning her own wedding she will understand. WoW!

            #6 knitgirl13

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              Posted 17 August 2010 - 11:21 AM

              Wait, he said he wouldn't LET her go? RED FLAG!!!!!

              #7 Kristy!


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                Posted 17 August 2010 - 11:28 AM

                Originally Posted by knitgirl13 

                Wait, he said he wouldn't LET her go? RED FLAG!!!!!

                Totally agree.  Sounds like someone you won't want around anyway.  I usually think for anyone traveling to a wedding, they should be able to bring a guest, but being that it's a lot of your college buddies, I don't see why a guest is needed.  Do not cave because you will have to cave for everyone else.

                Also, what's with her saying that everyone should be allowed to bring AT LEAST one guest?  Does she want to bring her parents too?

                #8 bizzyangel

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                  Posted 17 August 2010 - 11:50 AM

                  Wow, her response was crazy. Sorry your conversation went sour and your friend wasn't more understanding. If any consolation, I don't think they will even be together by time of your wedding from the response of her SO. If they are, I will be shocked and maybe it is better you found out about this now than later.

                  #9 mrs*j*2011

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                    Posted 17 August 2010 - 12:56 PM

                    Good for you for standing your ground.  I think it's a bit presumptuous to ask to bring a guest to a "traditional" wedding where the cost per person is significantly less than what you are paying, much less to a destination wedding.  So the fact that she asked and didn't like the answer you gave (or the options you offered up)...well too bad for her having to miss your wedding, since her flavor of the month won't allow her to attend if he can't tag along.


                    Don't let one rude guest get to you - your wedding will be great with or without her there.

                    ~~ Lea ~~
                    January 2, 2011 ~ Sandals Royal Caribbean
                    (honeymooning at Couples Negril)


                    #10 carolina24

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                      Posted 17 August 2010 - 01:23 PM

                      don't worry about it hon...I had the same thing happen with 2 of my "friends"...they had hook-up buddies when we got engaged and got pissed when i said they weren't invited to the wedding, not only cause i wasn't going to pay for these nobodies, but because i wanted only people close to us at the wedding. at first they were "understanding" about it, but they started making rude comments to other people about our wedding and kept bugging my MOH about inviting their "others".  I put a stop to it right away, and needless to say, we don't talk anymore and its definately for the best!!  i really believe that major life events (weddings, babies, etc) show you who your real friends are!!

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