Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:22 PM
Well, one of our GM's lost his job. So, we want to split the free trip between the two of them. How do I tell my BM this. Please keep in mind that she has had a year to save. We decided we will just pay half for GM no matter what, but I feel like BM is not trying to save and that upsets me.
What would you do if you were me. We can't really afford the extra money to pay for GM, but we want him there, really badly. We want both of them there. I am so stressed about it, I need some feedback on this one.
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:25 PM
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:27 PM
That situation stinks.
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:30 PM
| Originally Posted by Christine |
oh that's a tough one, I would talk to her honestly and explain the situation. Also if she paid a deposit you shouldn't have to give her the entire free trip since she paid part of it.
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:38 PM
| Originally Posted by Julesr |
We only had to put down $100 for a deposit for our trip, plus insurance. She will get the credit for $100 cause my grandmother is taking her husband's place (but rooming with my aunt), so that is $200 off the trip. She also paid $105 towards her BM dress and owes another $90 when its ready and will need to get it altered cause she is really short.
well, if it makes you feel better, I had to pay for two of my bm's dresses and anothers trip to San Diego for my bach. party, so I understand, but if its a big deal to you as it was to me to have them there you just have to come to an understanding about how much she will need to pay for the trip and how much you are willing to pay for her.
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:42 PM
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:44 PM
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:56 PM
| Originally Posted by TammyB |
Well did you already tell her you would give her the free trip? Because if you did I don't think you can go back on that now. If you didn't tell her, then I would do the 1/2 for BM and other 1/2 for GM. That way it is fair and if she doesn't find a way to save the money then it's on her, it sounds like she almost expects to be helped out now and if that's the case I'd give it all to the GM
UGHHHH!! I don't know what to do. Thing is GM would never do that, he is saving all his money. He was the only one working, well, his wife works part time, and is in school part time, and they have 2 kids, and he wants to go and is working hard to save all he can. And my BM who has no kids and her husband works full time, and she is totally capable of getting a part time job in the meantime is not saving.
Posted 09 August 2007 - 04:59 PM
My friend decided to have a DW in Hawaii and at the time I was broke and out of work. I was doing odd things to pay the bills but still barely scraping by. I had a number of months to save, but nothing to really save.
I notified him a couple months prior that I simply couldn't afford it and that he should get someone else to take my place. He finally said that he would pay for my plane ticket if I could figure out a hotel arrangement and food.
My feeling at the time and dealing with that myself was, "I was having to go out of my way to live on white rice and Ramon noodles just to make him happy and be there for his wedding. Why do I have to pay". I love him like a brother, but at some point I wish he could have stopped to see what his decision for a DW was doing to me. Guilt and an overwheling desire to be there for him no matter what, forced me to go to great lengths including not pay some bills, and hock my camera equipment to cover the trip.
My point is that it's very likely that your friends may feel the same way in that you chose the DW and if you want them there bad enough, maybe you should fork over some funds to make it possible. You are quick to point out that she spent money she should be saving, but you forget, that you expect her to change her lifestyle to suit your needs.
Everyone gets so absorbed in "their" wedding and the costs "they" have to spend, that we all are often desensitized to what others have to spend to be there too "I paid $30,000 and you are complaining about payinng $2000?" I understand you want your friends and family there, but a part of me feels that it's your responsibility to cover at least half of the cost to ease their expense to be present for your wedding.
When Drea and I had our DW, I initially wanted to offer to buy the airfare for those that would be in the wedding. Drea fought me every inch of the way until we settled on, "If you can afford it, great, but if not, you'll see the video and photos. We aren't paying for anyone other than ourselves and we don't expect anyone to pay if they can't afford it."
My suggestion is talk to your friend and the person who lost their job and tell them that you understand and you want them to take care of themselves first and foremost. Friends shouldn't be forced to eat rice and ramon and hock their gear to make it to the wedding...
Posted 09 August 2007 - 05:11 PM
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