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So NOW you wanna be a BM?!

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6 replies to this topic

#1 JennandMike08

  • Jr. Member
  • 166 posts

    Posted 11 May 2010 - 09:48 AM

    Soooo, one of my BFFs was asked to be in my wedding originally. She said no, claiming she didn't want to commit to being part of the wedding party because of finances, but that she would definitely be there. I understood and said fine. Secretly I knew there were some issues because she and my MOH had a fight two years ago and stopped speaking to each other. She claims to HATE my MOH and will never under any circumstances make up with her. Good....I don't need the stress with my wedding party.

    So this weekend we met up and she cried and confessed to not being part of the wedding party and her not feeling as involved as she would like to be and as a BFF she should be there to support, put her feelings aside and be there for my day. She claims she should have never let her feelings for MOH interfere with her support for me. NOW she wants to be a BM. I told her ok, but I'm not sure how to feel about it now, 4 months before the wedding....She's got a lot of catching up to do. AND I'm not sure I can trust her intentions, especially because she hates my MOH so much. I can't ensure that there won't be drama, although she promises there won't.

    Should I let her be part of the bridal party?

    #2 Mrs Price 2010

    Mrs Price 2010
    • Newbie
    • 74 posts

      Posted 11 May 2010 - 10:24 AM

      Oh how awkward and with only a few months to go!

      Is it purely the possibility of drama putting you off the idea? If so would it be worth getting them both together before you make your mind up and see how things go... kind of test the water!
      I suppose on your actual wedding day they will only have to spend a bit of the day together - walking down the aisle, which hopefully they wouldn't have anytime for drama and a few photo's which they can't talk while taking! Hopefully they will be adults and respect that it's your day.

      Hope it all works out!

      #3 sungoddess_08

      • Member
      • 829 posts

        Posted 11 May 2010 - 10:44 AM

        Agreed -- you have to decide if you need the drama. I mean, I've had a few "good" friends back out and given me NO reason. So, the fact that she admitted it was immature and her own personal feelings, it's a step in the right direction. Now you just need to determine if you think she can actually put the feelings aside and be there for you on your day.

        Ultimately, it is up to you -- don't feel pressured into anything! :)

        Good luck!

        #4 JanineA

        • Sr. Member
        • 2,482 posts

          Posted 11 May 2010 - 11:00 AM

          I have to agree with sungoddess, it looks like she is willing to make a step in the right direction and see beyond her own feelings and recognize that this occassion is about you and her sharing in it positively and supporting you is more important than a present squabble with the MOH. Test the waters prior to your wedding and see what is right for you. My fiance was all too happy when one of my BMs backed out because she is known for drama. Make sure that you and FI are the focus on wedding day and not any underlying murmur of an old disagreement between them or any other drama for that matter. Good luck!

          #5 hoyt75

          • Jr. Member
          • 371 posts

            Posted 11 May 2010 - 02:08 PM

            I agree w/ Mrs Price, maybe test the waters and let them both know how you feel about their problems and that you don't want to deal with whatever issues they have with each other. If I were in your shoes I don't know if I could let her be a bm though. You've already got so much of your planning done, and she missed it b/c she was being selfish. Now you'd have to go back and rearrange all of your plans b/c now she want's to be part of it all. And you know they'll be together the whole day of your wedding, getting ready and makeup, and photo's... I just couldn't do it, no matter how much I loved her.

            Maybe instead of making her a bm you could give her a special duty the day of the wedding, like make sure the wc has everything arranged and done correctly so you don't have to worry about it, & it doesn't take time away from your bm that should be spending time w/ you for photos and making sure you look as pretty as possible. My stepmom did that for me and it took loads of stress of my back. We called her the wedding czar, it was very fitting :-)

            #6 Future Mrs. M

            Future Mrs. M
            • Jr. Member
            • 319 posts

              Posted 11 May 2010 - 03:23 PM

              It sounds like she's realized how immature it was in the beginning and the fact that she's willing to work it and put it to the side for your wedding is really great. I have the same issue with my 2 best friends. Basically the 3 of us were best friends, luckily I have a sister so she is my Maid of Honor because if not I would have been stuck between my 2 friends. They had a bad falling out about a year ago and so I was really worried on how that would work.

              IT sounds like your friend really cares and wants to make a step in the right direction now. I agree that it can't hur to sit them down together and talk to them about it. Or both of them seperately and then together that way you don't catch your MOH offguard.

              Good luck!!!

              Wedding Date 11/12/2010- Riviera Maya - Hacienda Tres Rios

              #7 krizstyling

              • Newbie
              • 90 posts

                Posted 12 May 2010 - 02:39 AM

                I think it's great that she realized the error of her ways but is it a too little too late? I don't mean to sound rude here but this is YOUR day. If there was even so much as an inkling or an IOTA of a possibility that there could be drama...I'd say no. You don't have to be rude about it but just let her know that unfortunately you had already moved on with the plans and have as many people in the wedding as you originally planned.

                That's just my two cents but whatever you decide, I hope the best for you!

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