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Stupid family. I don't want it to bother me but it does.


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#31 DanielleNDerek

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    Posted 10 December 2009 - 04:52 PM

    I think that because i'm already married i can see both sides easier. I've been dissappointed by people who said they would definately be there and changed their minds, i've gotten guilt trips from my grandparents aunts etc, and i've stressed about this stuff. But I also know that once you get to your location for your wedding you totally forget about all these people and all the other stuff you were stressing about. Its crazy but once i stepped off that plane i felt like a weight was lifted off me and i felt great.

    and dont feel bad about how many people you have coming compared to how many people he has coming. All the people coming are really coming to see both of you get married and spend time with both of you. Your 2 months away from your big day dont let people get to you because when your in Jamaica your not even going to give those people a second thought. Your going to be too busy having the best time. Everything will be perfect in the end, just keep reminding yourself.
    ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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    #32 KJT1985

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      Posted 10 December 2009 - 05:14 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek
      I think that because i'm already married i can see both sides easier. I've been dissappointed by people who said they would definately be there and changed their minds, i've gotten guilt trips from my grandparents aunts etc, and i've stressed about this stuff. But I also know that once you get to your location for your wedding you totally forget about all these people and all the other stuff you were stressing about. Its crazy but once i stepped off that plane i felt like a weight was lifted off me and i felt great.

      and dont feel bad about how many people you have coming compared to how many people he has coming. All the people coming are really coming to see both of you get married and spend time with both of you. Your 2 months away from your big day dont let people get to you because when your in Jamaica your not even going to give those people a second thought. Your going to be too busy having the best time. Everything will be perfect in the end, just keep reminding yourself.
      Aww thank you. I can't wait till we get there. I want it to be NOW! I need a vacation. I appreciate you helping me realize what is and isn't important and that we'll still have a wonderful wedding.

      #33 Alyssa

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        Posted 10 December 2009 - 05:48 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by KJT1985
        I'm mad at my cousin for being so stupid and selfish to think that his actions don't affect other people. EEK! wow that is a hardcore statement - if he has a drug problem i am sure he is not doing it on purpose.

        Don't they give a shit about me at all? Do I have to become a drug addict or mentally unstable to get some attention?
        actually since you are supposed to be healthy and stable YOU are supposed to be able to move through your life without acting out to get attention. families generally do rally around people who need more help than others, b/c frankly they need more help than others.

        The whole deal with my cousin isn't THAT serious either.
        dude that is messed up. how do you know? most people who smoke pot don't wind up in the ER. i am sure he is into other drugs and he clearly has mental issues. how about some empathy?

        Everybody knows he's a huge pothead and he's now on lithium for his mental health. He's been in rehab and every few months he ends up in the ER because he's gone a little kooky. I just can't believe that we're two months out and they think its too far in advance to book with what's going on with him. I

        How can be people be so selfish?! I say that and I feel like i'm the one being selfish right now... :-(
        you are definitely being selfish IMO. your wedding is a really important day (mostly to you and your FI) and should no doubt be amazing but other peoples (even your really close family) lives don't stop b/c someone is getting married. seriously


        Quote:
        Originally Posted by CristiandJamie

        Plus your cousin constantly messing up is really the selfish one and probably does it to get attention. I sometimes think that babying someone with an addiction is the worst thing you can do because they know you will give them attention if they screw up (over and over again)!
        you clearly know nothing about addiction.

        I'm with you sister!

        Cristi


        #34 SusieQ

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          Posted 10 December 2009 - 06:06 PM

          OK my 2cents... I am an older woman, married once before and I can speak from a little bit of experience, disappointment and let downs from people I thought would see me through thick and thin.
          You have choose a DW and when you go that route you have to expect people will not make it. Also you'll have people that make excuses to not make it, and then you have the poor confused souls that sit on the fence and can not make up their minds which way to swing because if the say yes it may not be something they want to really do and if the say no they hurt you. It's just people hun!!! damn if someone has the instruction manual for dealing with family, send me a copy.

          Ok the long and short of my rant!!!! If you FI said to you "Babe lets just say "f" everything and everyone... "You & Me let's hop on a plane go somewhere wonderful and get hitched". Would you leave all of this crap and go for it? The end result is you're marrying the man you love. I know I would because i guess with age you learn the value of the things that are most important and how quickly you can over rate the value of something that isn't. I know you have the fairy tale dream of what your wedding should be, "Focus On The Two Most Important People In Your Dream".. My 2 cents... good luck... Oh and by the way stressed spelt backwards is Desserts.. you can turn it around into something wonderful... Good Luck

          #35 tammikins

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            Posted 10 December 2009 - 06:14 PM

            I agree with Alyssa,
            I was surprised reading through this thread that no one mentioned that there are serious issues here. Any other DW brides in health care? While addiction in itself can be considered a mental illness, it is usually a symptom of an underlying mental issue, be it depression or another psychotic disorder. A mental health issue is just as serious as a physical illness. I just found out last week that my grandparents wont be coming to my wedding next week because my grandpa was diagnosed with a heart condition. It is no different. Is my grandpa being selfish by having a heart condition? of course not. Just like your cousin isn't choosing to do this to you.

            Yes, it sucks when you find out people you count on can't make it to your special day. But you can't blame it on people that have little control over it. Please don't be angry at your cousin or your aunt. I probably don't have enough insight into the situation, but the picture you painted of your cousin sounds a lot like the people I work with on a daily basis.... I know things will work out, as crappy as it looks now - things do get better. Good luck

            #36 KJT1985

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              Posted 10 December 2009 - 06:30 PM

              I KNOW he has a problem and nobody is taking it lightly. But he's also not a homeless bum who's doing illegal things to score. He's not a meth addict or somebody who has needle holes in his arms. Everybody is worried about him mostly because of the mental health issues which are brought about by the drugs - not just because of the drugs alone. I'm angry at him for doing this to himself and the family because it hurts me. We grew up together, spending every week together with our families at a lake. We were born the same year. It HURTS for him to be doing this and not thinking of how its making everybody feel (not just because its fucking with my wedding). I'm angry at him in general - even taking the wedding out of the situation.

              No, I won't act out to get attention. But I don't think its wrong to feel like I deserve some every now and then either.

              Thanks to ALL of you for your comments. Sometimes I need people to help me refocus and remind me its not the end of the world.

              Mods- I actually feel like maybe the best thing would be to delete this thread altogether.

              #37 classadiva

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                Posted 10 December 2009 - 06:41 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by KJT1985
                You just made me cry at work. Words cannot express how appreciative I am for this post. I have tried so hard NOT to be selfish or to stress about this whole thing. You hit the nail on the head when you said i'm disappointed. I really really am. Two days ago I was so pumped for this and now i'm so sad. I'm sad because I don't have the support that I want. I'm hurt that my wedding can't be the perfect dream we all try so hard to make it. I'm hurt that I don't have a happy healthy family who would jump through hoops selflessly to make our day the best. It hurts because it's exactly what I try so hard to do for everyone else. Yet it doesn't seem like I can get it in return.
                Awwww sweetie...didn't mean to make you cry Having read through the rest of the thread, I see that you are feeling better....wonderful!!! Take solace in the words of the brides in this thread whom have been there and done that...this too will pass and all that will matter is you and your new hubby and the people that are there....I know I will. These are words of wisdom when those around us sometimes dissapoint.

                #38 boscobel

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                  Posted 10 December 2009 - 06:42 PM

                  I will close this thread, at your request.

                  #39 Alyssa

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                    Posted 10 December 2009 - 07:23 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by KJT1985
                    I KNOW he has a problem and nobody is taking it lightly. But he's also not a homeless bum who's doing illegal things to score. He's not a meth addict or somebody who has needle holes in his arms.

                    and this means that his issues/problems are less important? where do you think "homeless bums" and "meth addicts" start out?

                    Everybody is worried about him mostly because of the mental health issues which are brought about by the drugs - not just because of the drugs alone. I'm angry at him for doing this to himself and the family because it hurts me. We grew up together, spending every week together with our families at a lake. We were born the same year. It HURTS for him to be doing this and not thinking of how its making everybody feel (not just because its fucking with my wedding). I'm angry at him in general - even taking the wedding out of the situation.

                    No, I won't act out to get attention. But I don't think its wrong to feel like I deserve some every now and then either.

                    Thanks to ALL of you for your comments. Sometimes I need people to help me refocus and remind me its not the end of the world.

                    Mods- I actually feel like maybe the best thing would be to delete this thread altogether.
                    This thread has been closed at your request but i have to point out that you keep starting these controversial threads and you really just want people to coddle you and tell you what you want to hear. you are not open to any other opinions except those that confirm youor complaint. maybe you would be best sticking to wedding planning threads on here since this seems to be a recurring theme.




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