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need advice on bridesmaid situation


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#1 pineapple princess

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    Posted 18 November 2009 - 05:23 PM

    i need my support group! long story short, i decided on my bridesmaids last night. I have these 3 friends and we kind of always hang out in a group. Well, I am planning on asking 2 of the 3 friends to be bridemaids and not the 3rd.

    here is where i am conflicted. i do not think #3 would not even expect to be asked, but now that i decided to ask the other 2, i am worried that her feelings might be hurt. kind of like, well why did you pick them and not me? (i am not even sure i have answer to that) or maybe she would not even think twice! she is in the process of moving and was already in like 5 weddings in the past year, so she might be relieved.

    am i putting too much thought into this?? friend 1 said that she thinks i should say something to her before i ask everyone - but i almost feel like that is drawing unnecesary attention if i do. yet...i don't want her to think that i was avoiding the issue either. arrgghhhh. i am so confused.
    "Formerly goNDmay9"
    "so long and thanks for all the fish!"
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    #2 TheFutureMrs.Sears

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      Posted 18 November 2009 - 06:02 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by goNDmay9
      i need my support group! long story short, i decided on my bridesmaids last night. I have these 3 friends and we kind of always hang out in a group. Well, I am planning on asking 2 of the 3 friends to be bridemaids and not the 3rd.

      here is where i am conflicted. i do not think #3 would not even expect to be asked, but now that i decided to ask the other 2, i am worried that her feelings might be hurt. kind of like, well why did you pick them and not me? (i am not even sure i have answer to that) or maybe she would not even think twice! she is in the process of moving and was already in like 5 weddings in the past year, so she might be relieved.

      am i putting too much thought into this?? friend 1 said that she thinks i should say something to her before i ask everyone - but i almost feel like that is drawing unnecesary attention if i do. yet...i don't want her to think that i was avoiding the issue either. arrgghhhh. i am so confused.


      If the reason why you are not asking her is because you feel bad because she has been in other weddings I think you should ask her to be in your wedding and let her make the decision on whether or not she wants/can afford to.
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      52 booked + The Bride and Groom!!!
      http://i69.photobuck....s/DSC02673.jpgMe and my Bridesmaids at my Bachelorette Party on a Roof Top with Manhattan in the background.

      #3 hat0112

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        Posted 18 November 2009 - 06:12 PM

        I think that if you didn’t ask her because she is moving and has been in other weddings then I say ask her anyway. If it is because of another reason or if you just aren’t that close to her I think you should probably say something, but you need to be able to give her a reason. If you really don’t know why you don’t want her in the wedding I wouldn’t say anything to her, but be prepared in case she confronts you.
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        #4 riokayak

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          Posted 18 November 2009 - 06:33 PM

          I probably wouldn't say anything to her. I feel like we're missing some detail. Is she not as close to you as the others, or something like that. If that's the case, I'd say no explanation is necessary, but if you really are equally close with her and the other 2 maybe you want to ask her to be your personal attendant. That way she's still apart of it, but not required to spend so much money. I think the personal attendant in a lot of ways is a more important role.

          #5 **~Linda~**

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            Posted 18 November 2009 - 06:41 PM

            My first question as far as that would be why your not asking her to be in your wedding? I mean from what you stated above it feels like your not asking her because shes been in many weddings this past year and she is currently moving. If these arent the reasons AND if you have been really close all throughout these years I think her feelings are going to be hurt and well you would have to be ready for an explanation at some point if she asks for one... Its a sticky situation! Good luck!

            #6 A2Bride

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              Posted 18 November 2009 - 09:27 PM

              Well I would ask the same thing as the other girls, what is the real reason you do not want to ask her? That is something that only you can answer and be prepared for her to ask. If it is because you are not that close, then I doubt she will think twice. If it is because she is moving and in so many other weddings, i would ask her. If there is another reason, just be prepared for her to ask you.

              This is one part of the wedding I did not want to do...there is always going to be someone who feels like they are being left out...unintentionally of course. Good luck!

              #7 pineapple princess

              pineapple princess
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                Posted 19 November 2009 - 03:39 PM

                i love this board. thanks everyone! you know it is hilarious. once i actually wrote the post, i sat back and thought - wait a minute why DIDN'T I ask her? and honestly, even though we hang out, we are not as close as i am with the other two. I have known the other two longer, and know her b/c she is friend #2's roommate. i guess that is why it is good to put things on (virtual) paper huh?

                I am just one of those people that over analyze and get so concerned about everyone's feelings. this is why i really did not want a bridal party at all. KNOW YOUR WEAKNESSES!

                i decided not say anything at all, but if she gets upset or anything I will just talk to her. i KNOW that she is not even expecting to be asked. The wrench came in when i thought she might feel left out because i asked the other two.

                as always - you all are the best.
                "Formerly goNDmay9"
                "so long and thanks for all the fish!"
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