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Rkiss

Am I being unreasonable?

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My FI sister just started dating someone and she wants to bring him to the wedding. We are getting married in Mexico and have 25 people coming, each and everyone I know very well and I don't think it is appropriate for her to bring someone we have never met. They have only been dating for about three months (will be seven by the wedding but who knows) She feels that it is customary to bring a date to the wedding but does this count if you are having a destination wedding?? I don't want him to come and she is mad as hell. What do I do? She is now saying that she is not coming if her BF can't come. I am so angry and feel that she is being really selfish. She is going to be my sister in law... should I just let her bring some strange guy to MY wedding because she is my FI's sisterhuh.gif? I am so stuck on this.

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I would say just let her bring him. I had a few great friends I invited to our wedding that brought dates - and it was just fine with me. The way I see it, yes the people you invite are important to your wedding for you...but remember they are on vacation too & get to have fun. Usually, that involves having their significant other or other date with them.

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Well I think a lot of people have a very difficult time going on vacation and to weddings especially alone. She probably feels that everyone else is bringing their significant other and therefore she should be allowed to as well. Honestly, just because she IS your FSIL maybe you should just let her bring him. Otherwise she will remember this forever and it could tarnish your future relationship with this woman. The wedding is only one day, but the marriage and the in-laws are forever!

 

If she is THAT mad then it may not be worth fighting over. What does your FI say - it's his sister so maybe leave the decision up to him?

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IMHO, I would let her bring a date. I openly invited/allowed all of our single guests to bring a date. I guess a good way to think about it would be to put yourself in her shoes. Is everyone else bringing a date with them, if so how would that feel to be the only single person? If it were you, wouldn't you want to have someone with you that you would want to spend time with especially at such a beautiful location as Las Caletas for a weekend or for however long she will be there?

 

I understand that it is YOUR wedding, but don't you want everyone else including her to have a good time too? If it is really going to bug you to have someone there that you've never met, can you arrange to get together with the two of them a few times before the trip?

 

Just my 2 cents....sorry it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

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I honestly dont see what the big deal is if he comes. I hope that doesnt come out harsh. I think its her vaction aswell and if she is paying all that money to go away, I am sure she will have more fun of her BF is there.I wouldnt want to be one of the only people without a significant other. You never know you guys might just hit it off and get along really well. There were some guests that I knew better than others at my wedding and we all had such a great time together.

Just my opinion though!

Sarah

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Thank you! I am starting to feel better already. I thought I was overreacting a bit. Must be the pre - five month wedding jitters!! I appreciate the feedback!

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I agree with everyone else, let her bring a date. we had one of our friends who was planning on going alone, and ended up his brother came with, good thing too because that way Cain and I weren't forced to entertain. I know this is a DW, but IMO I wouldn't want to go if I was the only single person..

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I agree, I think I just got wound up because no one else is bringing a date. And the fact that she goes through guys so fast! I am going to have a complete stranger in my wedding pics! FI has another sister that is coming solo and his brother is as well. She will be the only one that is bringing someone. You guys are right though, I shouldn't make such a big deal out of it. Thank you! I love this forum, it has helped me so much!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rkiss View Post
My FI sister just started dating someone and she wants to bring him to the wedding. We are getting married in Mexico and have 25 people coming, each and everyone I know very well and I don't think it is appropriate for her to bring someone we have never met. They have only been dating for about three months (will be seven by the wedding but who knows) She feels that it is customary to bring a date to the wedding but does this count if you are having a destination wedding?? I don't want him to come and she is mad as hell. What do I do? She is now saying that she is not coming if her BF can't come. I am so angry and feel that she is being really selfish. She is going to be my sister in law... should I just let her bring some strange guy to MY wedding because she is my FI's sisterhuh.gif? I am so stuck on this.
You just have to decide if it's worth it to you to say no to her. If you say no, you'll have to deal with her potentially not coming, all the drama, and all the stress it will create. If you let her invite him, you have to deal with him for the few days of your wedding weekend.

IMHO I'd let her bring him just to keep the peace. If they break up before then, you were still the good guy who said he could come. If they end up staying together, you didn't exclude him from his first family function. Plus, having him there doesn't mean you have to talk to him or anything. Think of it as the more the merrier!!!

Btw - you are totally right for thinking she is being rude and selfish. She should never have approached you with this - but since she did, deal with it as best you can!

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My FI and I established some ground rules around dates. If they are living together or engaged it's fine. If they are in a long term relationship, also fine. But we are not extending the invite to just "dates". Our budget (approximately $250/guest) just doesn't allow for extra guests.

 

Perhaps, if you want to spare her feelings, you can use the budget card. :)

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